Total Pageviews

Saturday 24 November 2012

Yer 'Shoos' yer loose...

How do!...well firstly a massive thank you for all yer support an readin me borin mundayne life her on me diary...we wizzed thru the 80000 mark this week...now those who are regulars know my shoos are me life...Timmy Shoos that is...I will never be able to afford the real Jimmy Choo's so Pat Pong Pete keeps me in copies...well it would appear that via the soshal meedia sites more an more people know about me shoos...Slebritys even...now I've ad a few insidenses resentlee where some Slebs have had the front to acktually nick me shoos...Egzibit A - 
A certain Coleen Nolan...if you don't remember the story I nipped into the Empire theatre for a wee, sat in me kewbikle and kicked off me Timmy...next minute I hear someone come in an trumpin to the choon of 'I'm in the mood for dancin'...never gave it a thort till a hand came under me kewbikle full of Elizabeth Duke soverigns an nicked me shoo...I wizzed out an there she was bold as brass posin for publicity shots for her panto Cinderella...seems they lost the glass slipper...oh it doesn't stop there...Egzibit B -
Thoze of you familiar with Radio City in Liverpool mite recognize these 2...no it's not a Jinger Brad Pitt n Baby Bunton Spice...it's Juicy Jay Hind n Claire Simmo...part of the breakfast possy...I was avin a fish pedicure in Cheshire Oaks lately an they thort it funny to nab me shoo for a foto shoot...why? Hav they never seen a 8' stiletto in a size 14 extra wide fit? Egzibit C - 
You mite recognise this bewtiful laydee...sheez scotch an is a voice coach on TV...Yvie Burnett...voice of an angel mouth like a sewer! She found them an was heard sayin *scotch acksent* 'Ach, wha tha f*ck och these wee bastards* Her lovely husband Gordon gave them back in the end...he had stretched them a bit tho.... Egzibit D - 
Two werds...Bang Tidy!...can you beleev that Keith Lemon was the latest one to take a shine to me Timmys...he was just ded blaytent...pushed me down the stairs at Waterstones an while I'm bein helped to me feet by the jesus sandle wearin assistant he nips away an sayz he wants to do a sex wee in it.....So...what is the attrackshon to me Shoos? is it like a secksual sent that drives them all mad?...wonder who will be next...
Now yerz know I don't do anythin politycal...but i waz ded ded disappointed about the vote this week to say no to laydee bishops...i was gonna take a career brake from Pound Paradise an av a bit of relijus refleckshon an lots of free wine n bread...ah well...it's the cherches loss...take care all me lovely Bevettes...Be sure to choon in to me radio bits and pick up yer Lifestyle Magazine for me monthly column...Oh...and don't forget me JustGiving page for the wonderful Katy Holmes trust!... xxxx






Sunday 18 November 2012

JustGiving...


Hello hello...hope yerz all well...just wanted to let you know a little something I'm doing for the charity I'm part of www.katyholmestrust.co.uk For those who don't know Katy passed away in January aged 10 from a brain tumour...Katy's parents Dave and Paula contacted me to say through my antics I'd helped make them smile and laugh again which was lovely. Better still they asked if I would be on their team as Ambassador of laughter...something I was more than honoured to accept...I have had the pleaseure of doing a few things for the charity along with our wonderful evening - An Evening With Beverly Macca which raised over £1400...here's a glimpse of that night - 
Following on from that Katy's dad Dave is doing the Johnny Groats to Lands End bike ride next August...I am going to do the Lancashire leg on my Bevmobile...I would've done the whole thing but me battree wouldn't last out...so I'd like to ask for some sponsors if I may...it doesn't matter how little, every donation will help....thank you so much guys and gals for your support...espeshally you guys who read me sekrit diary...we are nearing 80000 now...anyways here's me JustGiving page...

Friday 16 November 2012

Rushed off me Cankles...Update...

Ello garjus folks...long time no entree in me diary...I've bin rushed off me cankles...wat with shifts at Pound Paradise...intimasees wiv gentleman callers, column ritin for Lifestyle monthly mag an of course me radio...just got in now...i do a weekly slot about Soap news and Entertaynment with Adam Siddorn on 92.1FM or live online at www.7waves.co.uk choon in on Fridees between 1-2pm...they always say its like a bomb site when I've bin in...today me intimayte wear was a bit damp...so I used them teknikal thingies to hang it off an dry...great show today...
Little treat for me tea tonite...bit of tripe...i've bin ecksperimentin lately...love it in vinegar...also bin tryin fresh seafood too rather than me usual prawn rings...found these...
thay look like them witchety grubs thay eat on that Celebrity Jungle...i hate the thort of things poppin lickwid in me mouth...well...some things...but these are like king prawns...love them and good on me diet too...tryin to drop a dress size for crimbo...get down to a size 4!...gonna do me Tighter Life diet too....
Had a little scare resently...thort I'd lost me Peppa Pig...i was devastayted...looked everywhere...then I found her hangin out of me Klunge...good job she didn't fall in...me Klunge is powerful...got meself a new Peppa Pig doovay set too as a little treat...love me Peppa...
tret meself to a bit of a tutch up too lately...no not that sort of tutch up...me hair...I've ditched Sharm El Sharon's salon Tu Tan Cum In...she's OK for a spray tan but shite wiv hair...still rumers her kwalifikayshons are fakes...found a lovely salon called Malcolm Oliver Hair...its not far from home on the Wirral...lovely Karen sorted me out wiv a rite posh barnet...she even put a Ga Ga Bow in it too...had a bit of a problem at the back wash...i'd ad a few brinis...so sue me...she wasn't impressed...she left me under the dryer for about 4hrs...i think she wanted me out the way...me hed was smokin wen I came out...
I was ded impressed wiv the finished product tho...eat yer hart out Ga Ga...little sekrit...I'm thinkin of goin blonde...Karen has given me a consa, konsel, conselt... talkin to about it... I think I'm gonna do it... me Twitter family n Facebook family are all for it....watch this space...here's the finished bow.... thank you Karen... 
ded posh in there...i was treated to a basket of pork scratchins an sum French wine...no fizz in it...not quite Lambrini but I was polite an drank the 4 bottles anyway...i'm good like that...washed it down with me Lambrini I'd tooked wiv me...
Lovely family kristenin resently...great day...it was at the rugby club...sweet baby yazu the thys on them rugby blokes...I couldn't keep me eye on the buffay...ad a few try it on...i do konfess to havin a little bit too much to drink...at one point I was tryin to kop off with Elmo...I just thort it was some hairy bloke wiv a thyroyd problem lookin at his bulgin eyes...i woz gonna offer him some of me Thyroxeen tablets...I have a slite thyrood problem too...I was taken home at that point....
Well I've seen the koka kola lorry on telly so as it says Holidays are comin...dunno why thay call it holidays...its christmas...i went to a local cristmas tree lite up...was hopin for some free food an a few bevvies...no such luck...but i managed to wangle me way into the VIP tent by speekin Welsh n singin (they just said go straight thru Ms Jenkins, Katherine) then in front of me was a vision in red....Emma Baby Spiced Bunton...I woz amazed...she was with a Jinger Brad Pitt lookalike...I was sent...thay even nabbed me Timmy Shoo for a foto...was gonna ask her to sing but she sounded a bit hoarse as it woz...no sign of the other spices...but I saw a picture of Mel scary B spice resently..that bleedin Jenny Craig hasnt bin kind to her...look she's let herself go... Scary she is 
I met anuther lovely laydee at the cristmas do...shes a great singer and trains peoples voices too...she was on telly programmes with singers like The Voice an others...she was ded nice...sheez scotch tho...cudnt understand much of wat she said but her husband was Inglish...he did some translaytin for me...i think he was attracted by the smell of me Far La...Yvie had one eye on the Vol O Vonts n one eye on me and her fella...lots of wimin are like that...she looked garjus close up...she's shoe mad so asked if she could hav a try of me Timmy Shoos...here she is...Thank you Yvie Burnett for bein ded nice to me...is that number at the end of your fellas mobile number a 6 or a 8?....couldnt read his ritin...
Right...that's youz lot up to date wiv me life so far...karnt beleev this diary is not far off 80000...thanks guys...keep in tutch...remember I'm on Twitter an Facebook...lotsa love...it's friday nite so I'm off for a few bevvies with me gays...XXXX






**UPDATE**
 Thanks to the lovely @lookatyouvideo for this