As the sayin goes....every good night should start with and end with a Withdrawal.....Iyaaaaaaaa! How are yerz all? I've ad a werlwind of a few weeks.....I've not ad time to get me cankles up once....long shifts at Pound Paradise and doin me thing for uthers too......well were do I start....sadly me night out to see George Micheal at the Red Door in West Kirby nearly ended in 'Tragedy' (more about Steps later) unlike the girl in the L'oreal advert I didn't stop traffik....I think he was mezmerized by me natual bewty.....here's the impact kort on CCTV!.... I'm waitin for a call back from that silly bitch off the advert who throws herself down the steps to get compo....
I agress as the posh folk say.....I dusted meself down an the management gave me a complementary bucket of Brandy for the shock........luckily I soon got over it after me 8th large one.....then in we goes.....well I could smell his ferramoans from his dressing room....George Micheal - aka Rob Lamberti (n Butler) heez dubble barrelled.....then out he came....he was 'Amazing' as the song goes.....well it wasn't long before he had me up on the stage an avin a 'Careless Whisper' with him.....
Heez deffo one for the laydees is our George (unlike the other George) he ad me bare arsed in seconds an before I knew it he'd performed his well known party trick - removin a thong with his teeth.....he was a brave man....I'd ad a Tandoori Pot Noodle for me tea.....he said my choice of Femminin Intimayte Wear was tasteful.....
Just like a Iceland prawn ring it was over before you knew it............a great nite....if yer ever see him comin to a venue near you you have to go.............before he left he did one more dedikayshon for me........... 'Zip Me Up Before You Go Go'.................................here's the link to his Logsite
Well....the paint had hardly dried on me knickers that George had signed wen I woz off to anuther bash.....the lovely Mark & Trish Simpkin had invited me n me Seenior Gay to their wedding vow renewal.....I was so tutched.....espeshally as Trish n me hadn't always seen eye to eye over me n her garjus husband....Mark Limpin Simpkin.....some of you may remember our likkle spat.....
Glad to say its all behind us now.....and leap forward to April the 13th 2013 and a pritty pub called the Windmill in Cheshire....that is where the fairytail number 2 began...6pm....I arrived early to get me prime spot by the bar.....then she arrived in her orijinal weddin dress....she looked bloody garjus.....the seremonee was lovely an ded lite harted....I wept wen I saw Mark commitin himself again.....as the song goes 'Shudve bin me'.....well it wasn't long before a few faces there were askin about my bewtiful ring..........it was the talk of the evenin......first one to take a shine was the lovely Gilly Taylforth.....she cudn't help but try it for size.....
Bewtiful Bell of the ball an me garjus mate Trish looked bloody amazin with her Pie N Mash (Pia Michi) on.....she arrived in the most bewtiful weddin gown that she wore 10 years ago....not many could claim to do that.....we ad a good dance....Mr Simpkin waz givin me a wide berth coz I think heez still got the hots for me.....down below if yer get me drift.....here's Trish with me Seenior Gay!
Then just 5 6 7 8 minits later someone else came for a go on me ring..............only Clur from Steps...it was a 'tragedy' that Reece her lovely hubby didn't meet me first.........hay ho.....we ad a ball....espeshally when we woz dancing to Tragedy an Clur showin us the moves....I think my ring would've looked better on Reece!
Someone whooz ad a go on my ring a few times who I love more than Lambrini itself is Coleen Nolan....we ad a hoot too....I've always thought she wasn't the full euro but after she told me what they'd called their dogs it proved it............ 'Blind & Deaf' I didn't say owt......I just whispered that classic George Michael song to Ray 'Lets go outside'.............an we did............yet agen me seenior gay got in on the shot...........
I'd just got me ring polished and cleaned up before someone else came up behind me.....'drop me arrrrrrt princess....can I try your ring on my finger'.............how could I reesist...........it woz only Rylan......I could smell the Kuros before he tutched me............of course Seenior Gay had to get in the shot...............good job I'm a good frend............
That was my night at the Windmill with lovely friends....a big thank you to Mark & Trish for the invite it was a magical night.....I wish you both all the continued happiness for years to come........you are a very special couple and I am proud to call you friends....A big thank you too to Rebecca & Will who looked after me too............I'll leave you with this one of the lovely Bride n Groom doin wat thay do best............... Entertainin us! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Before I go.........I must remind you of my latest gig at Gourmet Coffee, 21st June at 7.30pm only 50 tickets and half gone already so be quick........as summer is coming its Bikini N Brini theem....Take off yer tites and veet yer Vaj.....come and have fun and games with the Bevlar!
Here's the tickets.......get a free Offishal Bevette ristband too
Laterz my lovely peeps......XXXXXXXX
