omg... bevs bin in hozzy

iya. hope yerz all ok. what a cuple of days ive had. ive been in hozzy. got nocked down by fat sue in her smart car. silly fat cow ad er hed berried in a new pirri pirri chickin pasty. i popped one of me luv eggs, bent over to pick it up an bang ive got a hairdryer on wheels lodged on top of me.. im hopin for sum compensayshon. got home tonite an twiggys dun me me tee. pirri pirri pasty n chips. i nearly vomited. ill never able to look that or a smart car in the eye agen. giv er er dew she put er pasty down while she licked the flakey bits off the steerin wheel. good job i ad me puffa jakit on.

disiplinery went ok the uther day. i woz like eddy the eegle skee jumper in that office wiv a nob in each hand. i brort it to a satisfactory koncluyshon if yer get me drift. rite im off for a crem de menth an coke to settle me nervs. them nurses earn there money in them hospitals. i ad em run raggid. well i payz me taxes. catch yerz later.

ode to this morning

well im on a roll today. it just takes me uneckspektedly. again adult content. no offense to anyone mentioned in me powems. i love em all.

This Mornings a show Bev couldn't live without,
I fancy our Phil without a doubt.
Don't get me wrong Hollys quite fit,
I wouldn't say no to a chomp on her tit.

From lumpy bollocks to problem tits,
Phil always has me rolling in fits.
He never knows where to put his eyes,
I dream of his head inbetween me thighs.

Phil an Holly are always so jolly,
when he was with Fern they'd be off their trolley.
Alas my love to you both I do send,
I'm off now to dream about Phil's big bell end.

ode to loose wimin

im sure yerz all now that bev az a gift wiv powetree. it just takes me every now an then. bit like twiggy. heres me ode to the lovely loose wimin. contains adult content but yer new that when yer cliked on me blog! laterz.

Bev watches Loose Women almost every day,
even in work or off on sick pay.
Yer all quite sexy an full of wit,
sometimes when I'm watchin I'll ave a play with me clit.

Denise an Colleen the dirtiest pair,
3rd is that Sherrie with her bleach blonde hair.
Andrea an Kate keepin things on the right track,
I still miss our Jane an her massive rack.

The guests sometimes I can take or leave,
some are so horny I can hardly breathe.
If you've got room on yer show for a shop shelf stacker,
give me a call, the names Beverly Macca.

new faces

were do the weekends go. anuther good one and twiggy stayed over. im off today so watchin all that mornin telly. krakin pare of shoes on lozza kelly today. ive just twatted her on tweeter to aks were she got them. some soft shite on there makin faces owt of bits of towst. eez off that britins got talent. id be shite at that coz id be eatin the friggin towst before i cud make the face. bit of a shit job if yer aks me. i must admit tho i wonce saw the face of saint jane (mcdonald) of the cruise in a skid mark on me sheet. i think it woz a sine. not a sine in a spooky way. just a sine i ad to change me sheets. i loved saint jane. i wanted her to be me mum till i fownd owt about vanessa feltz being me berth mum. even though she wont admit it.

its me disiplinery tmoz so need to brush up on me defense. well i need to practise a couple of blowys on twig. its jack off joe from head office an fat frank doin it. so they wont be too hard to swallow if yer get me drift. got me way in tonite at slimmin werld too. im goin with cheryl she makes me feel like twiggy. think ive lost a bit. ill keep yerz posted. av a good munday. laterz.

are farther who art in heven

well its sunday mornin. that can only meen one thing. bevs holy comunyon. its ded nice wakin up with twiggin in me now too. sumtimes he duzent even wake me up e just dumps iz muck an goes back to sleep.. eez ded thortful like that. we ad a nice time last nite. nothing too wild not sure were we ended up. found 27 empty minatchures in me handbag an a bottle of absinth. were goin to a cuntry house today coz twigs nicked a membership card for the national front who let yer go into big posh houses. not sure if we'll see inside the house e wants to try a bit of doggin in there car park. were goin to come home via the fethers for a roast. a perfict sunday really. just lisenin to me fave group wet wet wet....that marti pellow makes me fanny go drip drip drip... laterz.

veeva ispanya

well the bevlar kraked it last nite with twiggy. gave im a good sesh even experymented wiv toys. i only ad me god dorters barbie doll but e seemed to like it strokin iz balls. then this mornin e ad another go then e sed those three little werds. no not - is it in.... wanna go away. were goin to spayne an i carnt wait to taste there food an see there kultur. wonder if the fry ups will taste diffrent. im lookin on the web to see were the inglish bars are. im gonna lern sum spanish too.

im on a half day today so gonna nip to primarni an see wat summer owtfits i can get. we are goin to book it too this salvo. i love im so much eez genkle an carin an eez not selfish. e lets me cum ferst. ive gotta nip to the kemist now coz me vajazzle az gon septic. me pubic zerconia az vanished under a big yellow boil. twig tried to berst it with iz teeth this mornin but it woz tuff as old boots. ill let yerz now wat appens. av a good day. i now i will. laterz.

friggin cheek

im owt for blud tonite. im ragin an yer can see me blud boilin under me skin. that skank denise royle az bin mowthin off abowt me. i heard today that she haz bin tellin peeple that dave said my fanny is like a ripped owt fireplace an that ive been shot over more times than sarajevo whatever that iz. she better not come within a friggin mile of me tonite. twig is tryin to calm me down with a cuple of large crem de menth an cokes wiv an absinth chaser. ill let yerz now how it gows. laterz.

vowtin done

god theese vowtin days get on me tits. i ad to do it yesterday id never eard of the AV anti vegiterian party but i sed no to it anyway coz sum of me mates are vegiterian. fat frank told me abowt them yesterday. i ad to vote for summit else too so i look at there photos an see wich won id shag first an vote for them. i always put me mobile number in the box too. yer never now do yer. i cud see meself as a poliytishans wife.

i fownd owt that jack off joe at hed office an fat frank will be doin me disiplinery next week so that wont be too hard to swallow if yer get me drift.. im on promoshons agen today so just lettin folk sniff me Far La. sales are goin ded well fat frank rekons.

well its giro day today so happy days. gonna treet twiggy to iz tea owt tonite ive got a lowd of holiday browshures im gonna take an drop the hint agen. that compensayshon is burnin a hole in his pokit. eyebeetha here we cum. rite im off to flog me far la. laterz.

disaplinery agen

not ad a grate day. woz late an lynne wiv the limp woz me superviser. gave er the eye to soften her up but she woznt avin any of it. she puts me on toys n games. so i did a little display of sum of are latest toys. next minit she calls me into the office and sayz lowds of muthers have bin kickin off sayin my display was offensive. wots rong with it. ave a look yerselves. im gonna appeel.

off to the fethers now to get pissed an forget abowt hop along. laterz.

the lost weekend

jesus i feel like bridgit jones... dear diaree... well i just lost 2 days of me life. 3 if yer include me an Sammi from sireea and friday nite. ive decided not to take him up on his kind offer of a new life in sireea an a leopard skin abiya or what ever they call them. Ive heard i carnt eat bakon there so its a no no.

Ad a great day at the feathers Sunday. beer garden was packed. skank feetures denise was smirkin but i wiped the smile off er face when she saw the pics of my fun time in lundon. that'll learn er. I koppped a feel of Dave on the bouwncy castle too an leggins lorraine saw it too. I only went on it coz fat Sue wiv the smart car was pissed and climbed on. next thing all the kids are usin her as an extenshon of the castle.

Twiggy woz ded romantik too. e got me a poke of  chips an we watched the sun go down over the iceland car park. Then e did me up the Asda.... his mate is security there an lets us do it in the bakery seckshon. Twig gets turned on by the smell of bred. who needs poppers when twiggs can cum kwiker than the 38 bus with one sniff of a poppyseed bloomer. right. I carnt stop as im on earlys tmrow an lynne wiv the limp is on duty. ive heard iron lung lil next door put the cat out so shell be turning off her internet any minute no.....................