Wishing you all a very Merry Easter on this baby Jesus's Choklit Weekend. As I sit down to tipe this non reelijust story of Easter, I've got me own home made communyon ready. A mighty white loaf (Jesuses body) And a large bottle of Lambrini (Jesuses blood).
Once upon a time a long long way away there was a man called Jesus. He was a popular man and had lots of friends, mainly men. They would often meet up with other men at Ye Olde Inn near Bethleehem for a lads night out. Images of Ye Inn still remain.
They often met up for long lunches and laughed into the early evening discussing how to wear a cassock, over the shoulder or wrap under. They spent hours discussing this and another of their favourite pass times, cooking. Jesus often told the story of how a load of friends turned up once and he managed to stretch a seeded uncut hovis and an Iceland family pack of fish fingers to 5000 people. That became his party piece, everyone humoured him coz everyone knows they are cook from frozen and his freezer was bust that week.
One week they were all sat at Ye Olde Inn listening to Liza Minelli on a loop when one of them suggested 'why don't we go on Cometh Dineth With Me...eth' They all clutched their rosary beads and yelled with exitement. Before you could say holy water the application was in to Ye Olde Channel 4...they waited patiently until one day a pigeon arrived with news from Damascus. 'You have been selected for the next series of Cometh Dineth With Me...eth' Now began the hard task, what to cook!
Now Jesus had become quite lonely and was getting bored with his shallow friends. So he went onto a dating site called 'Ye Olde Grindr' where you can meet new friends. One day he was looking through the many profiles and he saw 'Judy, Bethleehem NOW' Something wasn't write with this picture, he was convinced he recognised the latex cassock and Yazus sandles. That was it, the florrin finally dropped. It was Judas! Jesus dropped his iCeaser phone to the floor, what was he to do? Does he tell everyone? It was a dilemma.
The day had finally come when they were to appear on Cometh Dineth With Me...eth. The menu's were done, Judas (call me Judy) was cooking. They all met up and the table was set. Then it was time to nip up the stairs to have a look around the house. They were having a right old laugh, but Jesus noticed a closed box room door. Curiositee got the better of him, he took himself away from the others, turned the handle and walked in.....pictures of Kylie, Judy Garland and more adorned the walls. There were several leather cassocks and a gold larme hood with matching gloves. The door closed behind him! 'Judas' he cried, there was Judas with a dripping marigold and a raw piece of meat, (looked like a ham shank). 'Why did you come into this room Jesus?' Jesus was speechless. 'That was you on ye olde grindr wasn't it Jesus?' Was Jesus's sekrit out? Was the cassock actually leather or pvc?
Later there was an awkward silence, until over the pudding Jesus had to go and offload some catering. The sauce over his ham shank had been too rich. When he returned to the table they all kicked off their yazus sandles and stared? 'What have I done asked Jesus' I sprayed ye olde fabreeze, just give it a minute. Judas said, 'they know all about your profile' They all clutched their rosary beads again and squealed. With that Jesus grabbed his iCeaser phone and a hot cross bun Judy had baked and fled the house.
Days passed and there was no sign of Jesus. His friends searched hi and low for him, but nothing. Until Sundee mornin, Judy was hangin out a black wash from last night on the cross and it came to him..... the cave....where they used to play Adam n Eve.... Judas got all his friends together and they head towards their old haunt....and they approached they could smell that familiar smell.... Choklit...it had been years since ye olde cadburys had shut down, but they still remembered that smell.....as they approached the cave there he was.....forcing a Percy Pig down his mouth.... Jesus and his one true love in life.... Choklit.... they all embraced and explained that night around the table they were ready to accept him for whoever he was....they had choreographed a show piece to 'I Am What I Am' but he had legged it before they could do so.
The moral of this old historical story is that we should get on with and love eachother, no matter what yer cassock is made of! Happy Easter.
Bev
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