Av yer seen my Charlie...

Happy Farthers day to all dads who read me sekrit diary...if yer don't hav yer dad with you then I hope you manage to remember all the happy times with love and laughter...
Well where do I start...the clue is in the title of this entree...an if any of yerz had expected to see a pic of me nancy coz i now Charlie can be a youfenizm for yer down belows...yer very disapoynted...it is out there somewhere tho if yer look hard enuff...well here he is...Bev's Beagle...wen I annownced him on Twitter Google search crashed...all them old pervs lookin for Bev's Beaver...that'll lern yer...he's 3 years old an is garjus...yer'll be seein alot more of him...i've adapted his coller with some vodka minitures like a saint Bernard...heez more a Saint Beagle...

I like to think of meself as a responsible dog owner...but i nearly threw this week...don't buy the cheap Pound Paradise Cack Sacks...they are useless...me bleedin finger went strait thru the bugger...its tortcher too coz yer get this sick erge to sniff yer finger...all the way home...it was all under me new nails too...i woz ragin...

well i've bin tryin to drop a few stones to get into me summer wardrobe...its not easy...i tried that Lighter Life for a couple of hours the other day...sweet baby yazu it woz retchid...i put it all back on by the evenin...i had an old issue of Thinner Life magazine...thay had some resipees for soups...wat a crock of shite...literally...i mite as well av boiled me bleedin crock with an onion an sum salt...I ended up avin a bucket of KFC an defrostin a prawn ring...i think me men prefer me larger yer now...i'll drop some wayt wen i start walkin Charlie...

ad a bit of a ruckshon wiv some posh woman wiv a conservatree...i was walkin back from the pub on Friday...i was arf cut n a bit tired...anyways Charlie made a dash for this back garden...i runs in after him an theres this conservatree wide open...i'm not bein funny but if yer leave yer doors open yer av to expect gests...well I lay down for ten minits...next minit this posh cow is screamin...help help...i woz like carm down love...i'm only grabbin a nana nap...then she comitted the ultimate crime...tried to take me Lambrini off me...nobody does that...yer can see the look of fear in her gob in the pickture...anywayz her husband came home an smoothed it over...he had to really...3 hours earlier he was samplin the Bevlar nectar in the Lidl car park...

Werk was ok this week...apart from a little insident with some soft arse in her wheel chair...i saw this woman with a basket full of shoppin on her lap in the kew for me till...so i thort i'd go an help...she couldn't speak either but was tryin to say summit...well I lifts her basket off her nee an unpacks her shoppin onto the belt...turned round and she'd gone...or I thort she'd gone...all i could see was a pair of ald slippers wavin in the air...she waz flat on her back...turns out the basket of shoppin was balancin her coz her huzband had two heavy bags of shoppin on the handles...how was i to know...

Well before I go i'll fill yer in on last nite...I was late in today...I woz still chokin on glitter too...the sparkly stuff not Gary...fab nite...I've got the decoraters in which means moon boots an me Canklelimpitis is back for a week...those who don't know I suffer from an illness were i get water retenshon and a limp wen I have me monthlees...I started off the evenin at a ded posh tea...me gays call it dinner party...but anyone nows yer dinner is after This Morning finishes...well i nearly popped a love egg wen I saw the table...the best thing woz yer av yer own salt n pepper set each...i put mine in me handbag an took em...even had me name next to me nife n fork...it woz all ded posh food...then we went out...i mustve bin kwite twunted coz the last thing I remember was doin the Macarayna in moon boots with Wally Wheels in his lekky chair till the battery  went...came home an ad me home comunyon for brekfast...i washed me front window in me bra today so nosey nayborhood watch man would clock me an invite me for a roast...it worked...just off now to let the lamb fat drip down me cleevidge as i chew on the bone...good job she's got catarackts...he mite be in his 80s but he's liftin the table wiv a lob on before i get me first mouthfull...catch yerz all later... 

                                                            ~Bev's Home Comunyon~