London N Loose...

Well me feet avent tutched the grownd....nor have me Timmy Shoos as you can see....it all started in the Ferst Class lownge at Liverpool Lime Street...I had a ticket for the Virgin Pedallo to London....cheap as chips coz I used me OAP railcard....well I say mine.....it was iron lung Lil's from next door before she deeseased n died...I had a mail re direct put on her post....well when I got to the station I could see peeple lookin at me....so I just blurted it out.....
'Pie Jeezus....Pie Ay Jeezus' before I knew it I was wisked thru to the lounge 'Come this way Miss Katherine Jenkins' said the Fat Controller on the platform....and I was in.............

Before I new it I was onboard the Pedallo an sat in a Ferst Class seat....'We've bin expectin you Miss Jenkins' said the conductor.... 'It's Ms Jenkins' I said kertlee.....keepin up the Antee....well I ad a pink fish n laffin cow baygel an they left the drinks trolley next to me seat in return for a quick verse from 'Lez Mizerables' I just blagged that one....only Lez Mizerables I know are the punters at Pound Paradise....well I arrived OK and to top it all the hotel had only left me a free kettle, cups n tea n coffee....that was in me bag kwiker than wink incase thay realised there mistayke.....

I took a late nite walk down to the South Bank were ITV stewdios are....I had me walkman on....Elton John was seranaydin me wiv 'Candle In The Wind' when there it was.....just ahead....it was a sign.....my very own 'Thongle In The Wind'.....I'm not sure but I think it was a sign from Eamonn Holmes....a leppard print thong just blowing in the wind attatched to the ITV stewdio sign..........I was sent........I clutched my perl necklace...looked to the sky and the sweet baby yazu and mouthed the werds 'thank you'.....I was blessed.....

The rest is a blur....I woke up Titeless n Timmy Shooless overlookin the river Tems...I could smell the salty air blowin up me hoop....I was havin flashbacks....had I been ro hip nolled?....I'd left a couple in me pocket so maybe....just then I came to and could hear the sound of the This Morning theem choon.....I looked up and could see Eamonn n Ruth about to brordcast to the nayshon.....I gathered up me bits and headed back to the hotel.....I had a meeting at Sky TV.....All was good...to be continued....

Jump ahead a week now....lots goin on and I've not had time to put me cankles up all week...the highlight of me week was Thursday night and the start of Celebrity Big Brother....Id heard a rumour Carol Mcgiffin was goin in.....she who said no money would be enuff to do it....and there she was lookin back at me....on me box.....it only seemed like 5 minits since we'd been out wiv me gays....

I'd waited all week for this....I nocked meself some tea up....had me two fave things....bit of Rustie Lee on me walkman and a summer edishon of Lambrini....or ten....

What a show it's gonna be.....I'm havin trouble sussin out that Lauren Harries....at ferst I thought Ivy Tilsley was alive n well and living in the CBB house....can you spot the diffrence?

Well that's me about done....got lowds to do....I'm still a bit in shock tho....thort I'd get comfy on me sofa this mornin and watch a nice family movie....I got comfy an was strokin me Charlie when on it came........never.....i repeat never will I be able to look Dame Lady Julie of the Andrews in the eyes again.....just about to watch Bedknobs n Broomsticks when up pops....

'Bigdicks n Groomedchicks'

I can't even stumock the choon now Supercalafragilisticexpialidoshus....not after hearing Mary Bed Hoppins singin - 'Itchyfannyyoghurtonitbacterialvaginosis'......it's ruined it for me.....right....enuff.....catch yerz later....have a great day and bank holiday Mondee....hope the sun shines for yerz all....

Lotsa Love

Bev

XXXX

**BREAKING NEWS**

MCGIFF IS MCOFF

CAROL MCGIFFIN TO LEAVE LOOSE WOMEN (BAGGY BIRDS DEPENDING WHO IS ON THE PANEL) 

I've put me applikayshon in already!!

#makebevaloosewoman

 I have sort of been on before!