Well what can I say.. Dreams really do come true, and thank you to the lovely Denise Welch for makin this Poundshop Princesses dream come true. It all started 15 years ago when me invite for Denise's very first charity ball went missing in the post. Then every other year the same thing happened. I put it down to a dodgy postman who was gettin in under my name every year! Imagine that, a bloke in a frock gettin into the event as me! Anyways, it didn't stop me enjoyin meself out the back of each event. Den's dad Vin would feed me his cocktail sausage through a peep hole to keep me happy and I'd bring me own Lambrini. Here's me enjoyin one of the charity balls...
Then this year Denise didn't want to risk the post again so she used ye olde messenger and invited me. I nearly choked on me sweet n sour pork ball when it hit me inbox. It read 'Hey skanky knickers, wanna come to me ball? Hands off me dad and don't speak to the press' That's just Denise bein lovin towards me. I had to think about it for about 3 and a half seconds, then hit send with 'Yes please yer ald slapper' .... and then it was time to find the frock! I was just goin to put a crease in me leggins and fabreeze me tights, but apparently in Denise's darker days she used to drink Fabreeze with a Cillit Bang chaser. Didn't want her to relapse at the smell of my tights. So I opted for a ball gown. Huge thanks to Emma Siddorn who had shoplifted this bewty some time ago and couldn't slim into it. It even had the security tag on! I've got a machine to get that bugger off. Take a look....
Then came the night! Me Cunto (Corsa/Punto cut n shut) was playin up so I got a lift to the Premier Inn at Trafford in Manchester. I was shown up to the Lenny Henry sweet by a lovely receptionist, smelt of fresh hashish but very nice. I searched all over the room, I didn't want to wake up with Lenny in me bed or in me shower!
I had a couple of friends there, the lovely SiKick Katie Keeley. She'd had a few by the time she got to my room. Tried to get the lotto numbers off her but it wasn't happenin after a magnum of Babysham! Lovely Carl was there too, she was too busy pluckin her eyebrows to get any sense out of. After a quick hose down in the 2cm X 2cm shower I was ready! And here I am in me finery!
Didn't quite get a glass carriarge to the ball....Polish Pete in his Mondayo had to do. Then we arrived at Event City....It was like an A2Z of who's who out of Take A Break magazine! There was the celebrity couple from this mornin who stop yer bein frightened of all kinds of shite the 'Walkmans' the lovely Dr Pam Spurr, she wasn't well after a fall the week before, don't ask. There was the hand from XFactor that pushes contestants out for their auditions. And the piss of resistence had to be....the garjus Vin Welch! I've always had eyes for him, I like the older man you see, they're always more grateful and say thank you after intimasees! Here's me n him gettin akwayntid, I don't think it was his napkin I could feel through me Spanx either! #hesstillgotit We even had a slowy to Agadoo which was lovely....
The meal was lovely, soup to start then a bit of chickin followed by some posh puddin I couldn't pronounce....didn't touch the sides. Denise was givin me evils coz she's on Lighter Life and was chewin on an old flip flop and drinkin some shake or other....Lincoln is a dish, he's garjus. Couldn't take his eyes off me rack, and I'm not talkin ribs either! He's a fabulous artist yer know....I caught up with him in the ladies where he asked if he could draw me....I thought it was a youfenizm but before I knew it he knocked up this picture of me.....such detail to attenshun, he even got the flap off me Spanx in....
I got chattin to this one woman, she was garjus....if I was was from Lezbaysha I probably would've if yer get me drift....I think she was a bit Sykick too....I said hello, how are you....next minute I couldn't get a word in edgeways she said....
'You're insecure,
Don't know what for,
You're turning heads when you walk through the door,
Don't need make-up, to cover up,
Being the way that you are is enough
Everyone else in the room can see it,
Everyone else but you'
she was spot on....I thanked her and said, Anne, 'that's what makes you bewtiful'....never did find out who she was, but I did get a picture with her....In the words of Stevie Wonder....'Happy Birthday to y.....' Oops, wrong song... 'Isn't she lovely'....
Just as I was about to leave the do, I heard 'Katherine, Katherine....' I think that's what they said, it was in Mancunian so I did struggle a bit. It's a curse I live with being a Katherine Jenkins lookey likey....It's only Steve and Michelle....They asked me to sing a line from a popular stage show....I gave them a few bars of 'Bob The Builder' had a photo and buggered off....she hid her bump well I have to say!....
And that as they say is it...What a fantastic night! Here is an amazing video to give you a sneak preview of how the night went courtesy of Christian Braybrooke. Julie Arnold at Entertainment Today did a wonderful job, it was great to meet her too. Might have her to do my 30th birthday!....
Denise Welch, thank you so much for inviting me and for making me feel so welcome. It was so lovely to meet you at last, and to meet Lincoln too. I felt very privileged to be there, especially being on top table. Your passion for the charity shines through and you should be proud. Big thanks to the lovely Vin too for photo's and the dance.
Big hugs.
Bev XXXX
Find out more about the GEM Appeal Charity here - http://www.gemappeal.org.uk/
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