Reach for the Stars...

As the sayin goes....every good night should start with and end with a Withdrawal.....Iyaaaaaaaa! How are yerz all? I've ad a werlwind of a few weeks.....I've not ad time to get me cankles up once....long shifts at Pound Paradise and doin me thing for uthers too......well were do I start....sadly me night out to see George Micheal at the Red Door in West Kirby nearly ended in 'Tragedy' (more about Steps later) unlike the girl in the L'oreal advert I didn't stop traffik....I think he was mezmerized by me natual bewty.....here's the impact kort on CCTV!.... I'm waitin for a call back from that silly bitch off the advert who throws herself down the steps to get compo....

I agress as the posh folk say.....I dusted meself down an the management gave me a complementary bucket of Brandy for the shock........luckily I soon got over it after me 8th large one.....then in we goes.....well I could smell his ferramoans from his dressing room....George Micheal - aka Rob Lamberti (n Butler) heez dubble barrelled.....then out he came....he was 'Amazing' as the song goes.....well it wasn't long before he had me up on the stage an avin a 'Careless Whisper' with him.....

Heez deffo one for the laydees is our George (unlike the other George) he ad me bare arsed in seconds an before I knew it he'd performed his well known party trick - removin a thong with his teeth.....he was a brave man....I'd ad a Tandoori Pot Noodle for me tea.....he said my choice of Femminin Intimayte Wear was tasteful.....

Just like a Iceland prawn ring it was over before you knew it............a great nite....if yer ever see him comin to a venue near you you have to go.............before he left he did one more dedikayshon for me........... 'Zip Me Up Before You Go Go'.................................here's the link to his Logsite 

http://www.roblamberti.com/

Well....the paint had hardly dried on me knickers that George had signed wen I woz off to anuther bash.....the lovely Mark & Trish Simpkin had invited me n me Seenior Gay to their wedding vow renewal.....I was so tutched.....espeshally as Trish n me hadn't always seen eye to eye over me n her garjus husband....Mark Limpin Simpkin.....some of you may remember our likkle spat.....

Glad to say its all behind us now.....and leap forward to April the 13th 2013 and a pritty pub called the Windmill in Cheshire....that is where the fairytail number 2 began...6pm....I arrived early to get me prime spot by the bar.....then she arrived in her orijinal weddin dress....she looked bloody garjus.....the seremonee was lovely an ded lite harted....I wept wen I saw Mark commitin himself again.....as the song goes 'Shudve bin me'.....well it wasn't long before a few faces there were askin about my bewtiful ring..........it was the talk of the evenin......first one to take a shine was the lovely Gilly Taylforth.....she cudn't help but try it for size..... 

Bewtiful Bell of the ball an me garjus mate Trish looked bloody amazin with her Pie N Mash (Pia Michi) on.....she arrived in the most bewtiful weddin gown that she wore 10 years ago....not many could claim to do that.....we ad a good dance....Mr Simpkin waz givin me a wide berth coz I think heez still got the hots for me.....down below if yer get me drift.....here's Trish with me Seenior Gay!

Then just 5 6 7 8 minits later someone else came for a go on me ring..............only Clur from Steps...it was a 'tragedy' that Reece her lovely hubby didn't meet me first.........hay ho.....we ad a ball....espeshally when we woz dancing to Tragedy an Clur showin us the moves....I think my ring would've looked better on Reece!

Someone whooz ad a go on my ring a few times who I love more than Lambrini itself is Coleen Nolan....we ad a hoot too....I've always thought she wasn't the full euro but after she told me what they'd called their dogs it proved it............ 'Blind & Deaf' I didn't say owt......I just whispered that classic George Michael song to Ray 'Lets go outside'.............an we did............yet agen me seenior gay got in on the shot...........

I'd just got me ring polished and cleaned up before someone else came up behind me.....'drop me arrrrrrt princess....can I try your ring on my finger'.............how could I reesist...........it woz only Rylan......I could smell the Kuros before he tutched me............of course Seenior Gay had to get in the shot...............good job I'm a good frend............

That was my night at the Windmill with lovely friends....a big thank you to Mark & Trish for the invite it was a magical night.....I wish you both all the continued happiness for years to come........you are a very special couple and I am proud to call you friends....A big thank you too to Rebecca & Will who looked after me too............I'll leave you with this one of the lovely Bride n Groom doin wat thay do best...............  Entertainin us! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Before I go.........I must remind you of my latest gig at Gourmet Coffee, 21st June at 7.30pm only 50 tickets and half gone already so be quick........as summer is coming its Bikini N Brini theem....Take off yer tites and veet yer Vaj.....come and have fun and games with the Bevlar!

Here's the tickets.......get a free Offishal Bevette ristband too

Laterz my lovely peeps......XXXXXXXX

 

 

Top of the Tower...

Wow....I love an ereckshon as you guys know....but a big fat pink one............I'm in heaven....Hiya....hope yerz all OK....soz I've not bin on for a while but I've bin rushed off me cankles.....this entree is dedicated to my lovely frends at Radio City in Liverpool - The Breakfast Show...aka Rossie n Possie......Now it wasn't planned but Rossie left the keys to the stewdio in me Cunto (Corsa/Punto cut n shut) after a nite of pashon.....that's another story....anyways....I'd bin over in Liverpool doin some photo shoots pluggin Pound Shops bein the orijinal Pound Girl....here's a pic of me in ackshon.....

I agress as the posh folk say.....so I have the keys to the Radio City Tower....I missed the last train an the tunnell bus so paniked a bit....anyways I made me way to the tower....got me Bevmobile in the lift an up I went...........I could smell Pete Price's Hai Karatee in the buildin wen I was there.....bless him....I had to offload sum caterin so I went to Rich Maddox private bog....he's the boss man....his bog roll has Hello Vera on it......then I crashed out.....not before raidin Carl Burns drinks cabinet in his locker, he's a slave to the Perdod!!!...... I found the stewdio an tried out Simmo's chair, Jay's chair....then I found Rossie's chair.....I was sent.....I woz woked up wiv a bang....went out to use the bog an next thing I know Rossie is comin at me in me Bev mobile at full speed.....BANG I was over.....

Pain shot thur me body like a bugger....oh he tried to look conserned but I new deep down it was a plan to do away wiv the Bevlar.....I reckon Pete Price had a hand in it all.... look closeley at Rossies face.....thats a sense of smug there.....he wanted to Kill the Bevlar...................

Ever the poser he looked at the CCTV cam an tutched up his Primarni faux leatherette jacket an SMILED....can you beleev it.....It wouldn't hav happened if Norman Thomas had bin around.....anyways next on the scene is Jay Hind......just fresh from doin his Speed Awareness Korse.....only thing was he was late so missed it..............I told him he shud've put his foot down........anyways he had a practis on me Bevmobile..........god heez garjus......for a GinGer....I soooo would.............

Thay say theres no show without Punch watever that means....but here's our very own punch....me garjus Claire Simmo aka Barbie.....sheez like peter pan.............an love her for it............she had to av a go too....

Well bein up the tower I saw it as a FPO Fuji Photo Opporchoonity for me private wives website so I spread me legs an worked it girlfriend..............

Then it was time for the Breakfast show...........I wasn't gonna let Rossie get away with attemptid merder.....so I held a protest on his show.....just as he was mid Alan Partridge (his hero) I burst into the stewdio an showed him me Manjina.....

He didn't bat a eyelid....instead asked me 'Where do you get yer fanny waxed DEARRR' he loved it I reckon on the kwiet.....

He was more shocked when I showed him a CCTV pickture of him n Pricey back of the Aldi in Allerton....lets say no more about that one.....Right I'm gonn cum clean....our Claire....she had a thing for my Klunge.............so much so we had to hav a foto of her holding it.....I reckon it's for Steve's private collekshon of photos while heez in Dun Dee on his own.........well as me nan said....it won't feed on grass............

On the hole we had a ball..........some more than others.......I'd like to say a big thank you to the crew at Radio City.......espeshally Rossie, Simmo and the wonderful an garjus Jaymondo!........I'll leave yerz wiv a pic of us all............

Oh an before I go........a certain someone has bin pokin me on Twitter..... Brendan from Coach trip.....He's a love...if yer don't know who he is then here's a pic of him....

                             Heez even got a book out too so here's the link....go an av a read....

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1843176998/?tag=hydra0b-21&hvadid=9556644669&ref=asc_df_1843176998 

Catch yerz all later...luv yerz all...

Bev xxxx

Happy Easter...

Sweet baby yazu...I karnt beleev its that time agen...hot cross buns n choklit...oh an we mustent forget wat Easter is really abowt...The Easter Bunny Rabbit...my Ruby Rabbit wishes you all  a peesful time...not gonna do a egg hunt here like last year.....I woz mortified wen the kids came down from upstairs with me bleedin Ann Summers love eggs mixed in with a bag of cadbrees creem eggs.....one of the poor feckers broke his tooth tryin to bite into the bugger....More new products arrived at Pound Paradise this week....we've had the disabled Barbie...the Diabetic Barbie an even Bakterial Vaginosis Barbie.....well now there's Birkenhead Barbie...Knocked up n Knackered....its ment to be edukayshonal to show kids how tuff it is gettin a six pack home when yerv got 3 kids in the trolley.....i hope it gets the messige out there....

Now don't get me rong...I'm ded happy at Pound Paradise...i am the orijinal Pound Girl like the Bond Girl....but I saw an advert for a estayte ajunts near me....it waz like yoof ecksperience....spend a day....so I did....don't tutch the phones thay said....but i wanted to show a bit of innishitiv.....so I answered it.....wat wiv me dixlexia an glue ear I missed out a zero an sold sum big posh house for £50.000 insted of £500.000 - bargayn for them but not for the estayte ajunt....needless to say the boss had me out kwicker than wink.....hey ho....onwards n upwards as thay say..........that moment the mistayke was discovered by Sonya the boss was kaptchured on fillum......

On a upbeet note me gays clubbed together to buy me a number playte for me new Bevmobile....here it is....I feel like Beeyonsay cruisin the club sirkit wiv that on.....dontcha wish yer gerlfrend woz hot like me 'DONTCHA'..........................

Right....i'm off to hav a tradishonal Easter brekfast.....sozzige butty n a lambrini....after all it is a selebrayshon of the sweet baby yazus Easter too.....wonder if thay had Kadbrees when he was a likkle boy.....Catch yerz later.....have a grate Easter.....

Love Bev xxxx

Follow me on Twitter
@beverlymacca1

 

Read all about it....

Sweet baby yazu....read all about it as thay say in the echo....me fone hasnt stopped ringin this week since me picktchur appeared in the local paper...ive bin contacted by a look alike agensee to do Katherine Jenkins full time....I turned them down....thats me n the lovely Michelle from Bell mobility...I'm lovin me new wheels...i'm avin them pimped up.....I'll keep yerz posted...the downside to me pic in the paper is the attenshon from the paps....I only went out to get me Have A Rest magazeen yesterday an look......in the privasee of me own back passage....

A likkle tip from Bev...wen yerv ad a few bevvies an yer lekky has gone make sure you use a candle...or a torch...I came in last nite...pitch black...no lekky tryin to find me slippers...woke up this mornin wiv a pair of Pittas on me feet....thort they didnt feel like me Peppa Pig mules....

Now for me major trorma...I can hardly walk...there is no way I can do till 1 today...I karnt even sit down...as yer mite know I had a flare up of me down belows the other day....usually a pot of Onken natchral yogert duz the trick....I'd run out.......so fumblin in me fridge I found wat i thort was yogert....I was worried it mite be a Strawberry ski....that was a big mistake last time...I was pickin pips out me hoop for weeks....anyways....I agress....i popped wat i thort was anuther yogert up there an went for a nice hot bath..........biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig mistake......it was Condensed milk I'd popped up......the hot bath caramelised me Mary......it smells like a choklit eeklair down there.....bin tryin to melt it wiv me hairdryer......I'm waitin for NHS direct to call me back......heres the kulprit.....I'll keep yerz posted...

Before I go i av to tell yer about a fab muzikal I went to see at the Epstein theatre...Its called Heart & Soul an you just have to see it if it tours......a mega talented cast an me lovely mate Claire Simonsen...i was blown away by the muzik an voices....here's the link...check out the website an follow them on Twitter for more info.....

http://www.epsteinliverpool.co.uk/heart-and-soul-a-new-musical/

Follow them on Twitter

https://twitter.com/HeartSoulLpool

Rite I must dash....I can feel me hoop startin to soften up....gotta try n get this Conny Onny out me Nonny....laterz.... xxxx

Wheely bizzy weeks...

OMG....I karnt beleev I've got a new set of wheels....as yer can see from the picktchur I was shocked....the wonderful John Bird and Michelle Evans from Bell Mobility in Wallasey Wirral handed me the keys to me new Bevmobile.....no more 'borrowin' me naybors when she has a nana nap.....it even ended up in the local paper!!! A big thank you to them for being so generous...not only will it be used at me gigs but my charity fundraiser in August joining Dave Holmes on his Johnny Groats to Landsend bike ride for the Katy Holmes Trust.....no, don't be daft...me battery wouldn't last that long...but I'm doin the Lancashire leg on me new Bevmobile.....Here's a couple more photos...

There's me wavin goodbye to Michelle before nockin some ald get into the gutter...she was alright....Michelles got her cyclin profishancy certifikayte so she looked after her....here's me livin life in the fast lane........

No stoppin me now...anyways....bin mad bizzy at work too...gettin new stock in all the time ready for the spring...I'll keep yer posted on them new things wen thay come in...Just bin watchin all this hype over the new pope or Pope Idol as I call it....I see Franny won it...did you see the Judges House.....friggin ell....all that smoke mustve bin awful with all that white in the Vattycan....they reckon theres 50 preests all sat under the chiminee with 800 Lambert n Butler from Duty Free puffin away an blowin it up the chiminee till thay get the new pope....I've heard The Winners song will be on our shelves soon....here's a glimpse....

Went to a crackin party last Fridee...it was secksy Paul Rolys 30th...I woz hopin to kop off wiv him but his bird wouldn't take her real eye off me...gettin evils all nite...here's me n Paul's mum Ange an his Anty Liz with the limp....tragic story....she has a varooka on her bunyon...in operable...she can only go out in moon boots....don't like to menshon it tho.....we look like Charlies Angels...or the Northern Birkenhead vershon....Bob's Birds!.....

Another lovely girl there was Clur....sheez garjus....between you n me she models herself on me...sheez married to the rugby hunk Chris Twice Nightly Whitely....we hav histree but don't talk about it.... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzip....if yer get me drift....

An here's the men....as yousual I'm like a magnet...like flies round me klunge thay woz....thay said it was like liftin a fether.....nearly shot me love egg out tho when thay pulled me legs apart.....

Rite...must dash...just put a wash in...I'm on earlies tmoz...Till 1 is callin me...got a new woman started...Barbara Benson n Hedges....her self tan is Benson Brown she smells like an ash tray...I'll sort out some pics....catch yerz later.................take a look at Bell Mobility website..... xxxxxxxxx

www.bellmobility.co.uk

An Evening With Beverly Macca 2...

Welcome to Casa Macca....that was the greeting for all the lovely folk who came to Gourmet Coffee in Liverpool to enjoy An Evening With Beverly Macca...a sell out and a great crowd too...I was workin a late shift an was late arriving...but thay woz kwite forgiving...I woz hopin for a kwiet nite wiv a box of Lambrini an a pic of me prawn ring....but no....I had to entertayn this lot..........here's me chillaxin....

We had a good chat about me life, loves an likes...then went on to talk about Pound Paradise as thay were sponsorin the night....had to plug some products...we had chosen topics I was offerin advice on Oral secks an Lezbianism....went down well.....

Then it woz time for Bev's bingo...all proceeds from the bingo an the raffle went to Katy Holmes trust...but the prizes on bingo were to die for................... a pregnansee test....waxing strips...and a packet of Kotex ultra...all kertesee of Pound Paradise....here's me jugglin me balls....

We managed to get Findus to sponsor the katering so everyone had a bit of scran...tickit price inclewdid a free drink too...after everyone ate it was time for Bev's kultural hour...I got changed into me jarmees to try and get rid of all them peeple in me livin room at Casa Macca....

Now me kultural seckshon inclewdid powetree an a few chapters fron me novel....50 Shades of Paradise...Pound Paradise...here's a video of me doin me Bev Rap...

After that I went on to do a little love powem to an ex boyfriend of mine...Bells Porlsy Pete....a lovely bloke but we was doomed...here's me ode...

What a grate nite...I woz shattered on me till on Satdee mornin...Fat Sue wiv the Smart car wasn't very simpathetic....she moved me off till 1 sayin I smelt of booze an the customers were complaynin....'Whatever'....to all those who came thanks for supportin...and to all those who gave prizes for the raffle thank you so much.....rite....I'm off to soak me athleets feet in me foot spa Below are some pics of those who came.....laters... Bev xxxx

********************************

Special thanks to the following for donating prizes

 Laura Jane
Gusto Heswall
http://www.gustorestaurants.uk.com/restaurants/gusto-heswall 

Donna 
Pure Floral Design Wirral/Liverpool
http://www.purefloraldesign.com/ 

Matt & Alice
Holiday Inn Express Hoylake
http://www.hiexpresshoylake.co.uk/ 

Jane & Lucy
Spa Inc Heswall
http://www.spa-inc-heswall.co.uk/

Mel
Majestic Wine Wirral
http://www.majestic.co.uk/wirral


******************

 

Time flys...

Hiya...Agadoo!...well i'll start this diary entree with the the sad news that alejedlee Mel B has lost the Jenny Craig contract coz of her wayt gayn...dunno about you but I think shes still got it in this picture...I must admit that advert did get on me Tits...espeshally wen she shouts 
                  'TO YOUR DOORSTEP' 

Well if yerz follow me on Twitter yerll know I've bin layd up this week with laydee flu...wiped me out...couldn't even force down a prawn ring...the Lambrini went down ok an helped me throat...I wasn't up to goin in to work at Pound Paradise...chucked a sickie...Fat Sue with the Smart car me supervizer was on the phone kwick as wink....told her where to get off...i suffer from Till Apnea as it is....i just crash out on me till without warning...it's covered under the DDA (disabilitees discriminayshon assosiayshon) so she cant tutch me...

Talkin about disabilitees me medic alert bracelet has bin delivered...so if yer find me unkonshuss then you know how to revive me...it means I can take me own to anywhere now too...the radio station an on me till...its offishal now...so stick that in yer pipe Fat Sue with the Smart car!...

Now keep this to yerself...I'm thinkin of bein a air hostess...theres a new lo cost airline just been set up an I've applied online...just waytin to hear back from them...I think i'd make a good air hostess wiv me customer service skills...I'll keep yerz posted on this breakin story...

Well it's saturday nite da da da da da da da da - pretty baybaaaaay!....nice nite out planned wiv me gays...hopin to get taken up the Wong Wei as per....Rite...I'll catch yerz all later...off to defrost a prawn ring an chill some Brini for later....av a good Satdee! Laterz XXXX