Hiya...how yerz doin?...bizzy old week this week an worst thing was me Cunto was out of akshon...(Corsa/Punto cut and shut)...left it with Mike and the Mechanic to sort out...i've had to use public transport witch has bin an eye opener...i did av a trip down memree layne this week wen I got on a duble decker...took me back to me yooth...I had to go upstairs...and for a moment I was taken back...the sounds, the smells...but somethin was missin...then I realised it was Stephen Millingtons had down me...bra...you thort I woz gonna say nickers didn't you!!! Nah...that was Trevor Jones territory...happy days...here's the pic from top deck of the bus...managed a few shifts at Pound Paradise...our Xmas catalog is out already...same ald tat...I even spotted me dream kitchen in Tescos...puttin it on me Christmas list...
highlite of me week was me invite to Liverpool Fashon week by Ms Manda Moss...me boss from Lifestyle magazine...well as soon as I walked in to the Hilton Hotel i felt like I'd arrived...there facin me was the reason for livin...Lambrini...
I could see people lookin and wisperin about me...coz of me glue ear I can lip read...some saying 'it's Katherine Jenkins' others sayin 'hasn't Kate Moss lost wayt'...I'm used to it now I don't let it bother me...as we went thru to the show area I was greeted by Mandas husband who said somethin like 'you look even flatter in real life' me Gay wound me up an said he said 'fatter' as if!...then like Norma Dezmond I was back up were I belongd...amongst the bewtiful peeple an with the spotlight on me...wasn't long before peeple were pointin coz they had copies of Lifestyle Magazine on there seats an they was reeding me column...then I got the call...'come back stage'...well as soon as i went thru the doors I knew how Samantha Brick (silent P) felt...a lot of the models took one look at me an there backs were up...who can blame them...the male models were round me like flies...mainly to try me Timmy Shoos on!...funny that...but prob an excuse to get close to a real woman...one thing that did fasinayte me was the woman who did tricks with her hoop...not the sort of tricks I do with mine but eye openin all the same...quite a few fellas couldn't take their eyes off her hoop...very talented...
Well there I am goin thru me routine in me head...goin back to me modellin days for Dirty Bob Smith at the Caravan park in Talaker...an I can hear some screachin voice...Beverly Macca, Bev, Bev....next thing I look round an theres a rather rotund lookin Abbey Clancey...she's piled it on...I nearly didn't recognise her...she wanted her pickture taken with me...I couldn't say no...prob showed her up a bit bein next to me...she looks huge compared to me...I could smell sossige rolls...say no more...I'm on the right incase you wondered...
I had to stuff a pastie in her mouth to stop her chattin....about herself....I was due on stage any minute for my own show...the 3Ls....I was promotin the Macca Mantra....Leggins, Lycra n Lambrini....it was a struggle at first gettin past the larger models on the catwalk, but I was up...I could feel the lights on me Le J'aundice self tan...the crowds went wild...I used the LFW bag as an acksessory for me Lambrini bottle...
Then I was off up the side bit to flash me nancy at the rest of the room...I could here people shouting...but with me glue ear I couldn't hear proplee...one guy shouted 'Singer'...I shouted no, not tonight...model...me gay said he shouted 'Minger' he is so funny...as if...
Then it was time for me close up...PP posh powt...i did it with attichewd...I could hear folk sayin how if they hadn't smelt me Far La they would have thought it was Kate Moss before slimmin world...
And as quickly as me nite had come it was over...I think I'm in 'Have a rest' magazine next week...I'll keep yer posted...talkin of magazines don't forget to pick up your copy of Lifestyle Monthly or read it online...full of wonderful features and my own column...here's the link...
And a big Thank you to NG Photography for my catwalk pics
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