Beverly Macca CBA Sekrit diary...Sshhh!: 100.000!!! WOW!!!

As the famus song from Love Story goes....'Where do I begin?'.....I gess at the beginnin...right at the beginnin....Once upon a time not so many years ago I woz konseeved in my estraynged muthers woom....she was quite a larger laydee then so it was a Woom with a view....look closely at one of the only piktchurs of me as a baybee.....you can see me perfectly formed hair even then....i got the scan pic by payin for a sekrit detektiv to probe medical records....My mummy Vanessa Feltz couldn't stand the stigma of bein a single muther.....she never married me dad coz he was a transvestite....they met in the same frock shop....the rest as thay say is histree....I woz found wrapped in leppard print paper on the steps of a Pound Shop in Golders Green Londin....the hospikal staff nicknamed me 'Fugly' I've never found out the reason why....Many folk hav often said yer only sayin yer Vanessa's dorter coz yer want her life....and thay say she's not me mum....but one day a few years ago i was just about to spread me minge.................(sorry, prediktiv text) Marge on me toast an there it was.....just like the sweet baby yazu appeared in a tea towl once there she was..................Mummy..........................

I've lerned to live with it now an try not to dwell on it....I've tried a few times to contact her but her boyfriend always ansers the fone and for sum reason always shouts down the fone in a singy voice

'Hey - what's wrong with you'

I've never quite got it.....I stopped ringin in the end an got on with me life.....i've ad a nice life....now i think it was to do with where I woz found.....on the step of a Pound shop.....but I woz destined to be the orijinal Pound Girl just like the Bond Girl in Bond moovies.....i remember me first toy shop i woz bort an it led to me first werds 'Pound Please'...............an unlike some folk I've lived the dream.....look at me now....hed of promoshons at the premier Pound shop Pound Paradise.

I love me job as yer all know....it's me supervizor Fat Sue with the Smart Car who makes me life hell at times....tryin to take away me human rights like no phones while servin....bollox to that I say....I'm very customer fokussed....I even use sign langwidge....this ladys bill was £2 - its not how it looked on CCTV that was shown on me disiplineree....just a personal tutch from me, I even put me Have A Rest magazeen down to serve her....wat more did she want? Take me headfones off?

I've also dun sum korses over the years too...I remember wen I went for me interview for Pound Paradise I was sat before the bord of direkters and they asked me wat I waz bringin to Pound Paradise that might lead them to offer me the job... I said me TWAT.....

Thay ajurned the interview at that point.........shame really coz I didn't get to show them me Commercial Understanding National Targets.....it woz OK tho coz I got the job...an that's where I am today.... Seenior Promoshons Pound Paradise.... with my Far La being top product to date....wiv men flockin for miles just to have a sniff....its me signature product...me Klunge is another story...

So thats werk....me personal life revolves around me n me Gays...thay are me life....we have a rooteen that will never change....it involves me prawn ring, Lambrini an the Rice Bar...weekends are when we come to life....okayshonally I get taken up the Wong Wei too...I love that too....

Now thats me so far in a nutshell....I've had me fair share of Slebrity leeayzons too....here's just a couple....these are some famus folk who like to try on me Timmy Shoos - I can't afford the real Jimmy Choos....been a nitemare keepin tracks on them wiv these guys around....

Then theres me ring.....everyone wants Bev's ring on their finger...here's a few whov suckseeded..

So....what now...well I'm gonna keep on livin me life as I do....an if I can put a smile on one persons face wiv my borin uneventful life then that makes it all worth while...I'm not just doin it on here now....you can come an see me at me gigs too...poster below of the latest one...before that tho can I just say a massive thank you to everyone who follows me on Twitter, Facebook and of course here me sekrit diary.....a speshall thank you too to those in the public eye who have kindly let me fotograf them...always appreeshiated....here's some of me videos too from You Choob....remember you can follow me on Twitter @beverlymacca1 or add me on Facebook - I'm not fussy unless you dare to be rude, racist or just unkind....so giz an add...right I'm off to open a box of Lambrini to selibrate 100.000 I'll raise a glass to yerz all....remember the Macca Mantra too live yer life by the 3 L's Leggins, Lycra an Lambrini........................................................

Lotsa Love to yerz all

Bev

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