Sinderella Nolan in the mood for nickin...

Hiya...well me weekend started off so well...I'd saved up to put me mershon on for a treat...even ran a bath...waxed me nancy the lot...i'd used all the cheese out me ped egg too so I even had a scrape at me hard skin...i felt like a millyon dollers...i deesided to nip over to Liverpool for a shop...the lekky was out at Primarni so the security tags wernt workin...i got the train over coz I lost the drivers door off me Cunto (Corsa/Punto) the other day...didn't notice till I got home coz me muzik woz on lowd...Glee...anyways...managed to ride free coz Terry the ticket was on duty...got there in one peece...but i woz berstin to go the loo...nearest one was opposite the station at the Empire theatre near Lime Street...wizzed in to use the loo....it woz heavin....saw that Liz Mclaren from Atomic Kitten...she was hummin that song 'You can lick me hole again'....no change there....saw me lovely fella Pete Price...dressed as a laydee full make up the lot....no change there...anyways...I gets into the kewbikle an I hears the door open....big lowd fart from whoever it woz...an an overpowerin smell of Charlie (the perfume, not the class A)....Just about to offload some caterin...me cankles killin I kicks off me Timmy Shoos...not two minits later a hand comes under the kewbickle....normally there's a tenner in the hand....nothin....just a few Elizabeth Duke sovrins on the fingers...next thing woooooosh....one of me Timmys had gone....I raced out the kewbickle...nothin....then I cud hear 'I'm in the mood for dancin...romancin'......turns a corner an a bold as brass there she is......................

Coleen Nolan...smilin for fotografers holdin me Timmy Shoo.....I tried to get close but her sekurity were avin non of it....I'm screamin at her....not a flinch....turns out they'd lost Sinderellas shoe for the promoshon pics....Nock Off Nolan had bin sent to find a replacement....yer can take the girl outta Blackpool but yer can't take Blackpool outta the gerl.....I found the Shoo later at the back of the theatre....little note inside read - '1 - 0 Bevlar....keep yer hands off my Ray'..........Lesson learned.....i av to say she did look bloody garjus.....for her age!............ 1 - 1 Coleen!..................

Make sure you get to the Empire Theatre and see a crackin panto this year...great cast

Book tickets now here's the link

http://www.atgtickets.com/shows/cinderella/liverpool-empire/

 

I had a ticket to ride...

Take a look at our sleeping angel Katy Holmes...for those who don't know Katy fell asleep in January this year at the age of 10 after a relatively short battle with a brain tumour...as those of you who have lost a loved one know the pain we feel is unbearable, but when you lose a child I think the grief is that much harder to bear...I had the pleasure of spending some time with the Holmes family last weekend, despite their grief they have embarked on an amazing campaign...Team Katy Holmes was set up in Katy's memory to both raise awareness and raise money towards much needed research into this underfunded child cancer. I had the privilege of being invited to join Team Katy Holmes as the Ambassador of laughter. This was after Paula, Katy's mother said I had helped them smile and laugh again through my antics!...Well this weekend saw the Preston guild take place, only happens once every 20 years...Katy Holmes Trust had a float in the torchlight parade and I was honoured to ride this with Katy's sister Charley and the wonderful husky team...Here's how it all went...please take time to visit Katy Holmes Trust website and read of the wonderful work this amazing and dedicated team do...I am proud to be part of the team and be of help to Paula and Dave Holmes...

www.katyholmestrust.co.uk

 I started me day at cock o clock...me sykick spirit guide Maureen was singin Carpenters songs...couldn't get back off...then I had to go on a train...a long haul train to Preston...it was a Virgin Pedallo train...ded posh...i had a plug sokit an a table...the toilets were all lektrik...I was met by the lovely Paula Holmes...i now she was amazed by me bewty in real life coz of the way she looked me up n down...i went to giv her a kiss but bit like all me boyfrends she said she suffered invisible cold sores and would pass on a kiss...I was taken to Casa Holmes to be greeted by the lovely Dave...dishy Dave as heez nown in Preston...he had a lovely glass of chilled Lambrini ready for me...then I met HRH Charley Holmes...i ad to kertsee coz she met Prince Harry that week gettin a Wellchild award for her wonderful work with Katy...Oooh she had it in for me from the start...'I'm the belle of this ball and float she said'....we agreed to compromize an share the float...Paula asked me to hold baby Scarlet but she was overcome with the smell of me Far La...before we knew it it was time to head off to our float...not before dishy Dave got me in the back of his van to show me his toolbox!...never herd it called that before...

Paula waz out like a wippit...dragged me by me cankles an akused me of nickin from his van...i think sheez a bit jel of me...i'm harf her size in dressis which is always hard for wimin to take...then they piled me in the peeple carrier...she asked if I would mind puttin a bag on my head drivin thru her town...i think she wanted it to be a suprize for those peeple waitin at the float...

Here I am with some of the wonderful team...I'm the pretty one on the back...the rest have all had hard lives...cudnt kwite understand wat thay were all sayin...i just noddid in the rite places an hoped for the best...I cud see all the fellas koppin a look evree time I turned me back...I felt like Samantha Brick (Silent P) coz the wimin were givin me evils...its a kurse I live with...even the dogs wouldn't come near me...they can sense bewty...all aboard they shouted...sill me...I'm that used to ridin up front with me Eddy Stowbart boyz I was up like a rat up a drainpipe...

This lovely hunk was in like flint...grabbin at me cankles...i rekon he was after me Timmy Shoos!...'no on the back with the dogs'....so off I goes...

Bugger nows where his hand is...lookin at the smile on his face I'm gessin he found wat he wanted...1...2...3....UP....sweet baby yazu they pushed me up like a peece of meat...

That last shove near pushed me love egg up me hoop an into me throat...as you can see HRH Charley found it very amusing...thank the lord I had some Lambrini with me for the shock...

Off we set...it was a great cure for my bingo wings with all this waving...all me joints ached the next day...the atmosphere was lektrick...the peeple of Preston so welcoming....people cried in the streets seeing the amazing float the team had done for Katy...lovely Husky dogs added to it all...we are sure Katy was looking down on us all and feeling proud too...

As the sun set and darkness fell you could see my hoop lit up....hoop earing that was....Charley made them for me...look at the lovely doggies and even a penguin turned up...he couldn't take his eyes of me the whole nite...that would be a first for me...a penguin...after about 3 hours we wrapped up and i headed back to Casa Holmes to talk about the wonderful evening...I have to point out that Dave and his sleepwalking did keep me awake...he must have tried at least 3 times to knock me up that night...so again...please make your way to the website and share with your friends and family....again...thank you to all Team Katy for making me feel so welcome and well done to all the team for an amazing job.....catch you later...Bev xxxx

www.katyholmestrust.co.uk