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Friday, 27 January 2012

Den to Win...

well its the final few hours for the big bruther kontestants...for me there is only one winner...Denise Welch...wilst Gareth and Frankie have been entertaining I feel with Denise its wat you see is wat you game plan...Normal! The vile twins have played a game all along and in confrontayshon ganged up on whoever choozes to not agree with them...rumur has it on CBB sites that Aledgedly there are many Americans voting too which wud be I ask you now to please support and vote for Denise. Her close friend Tricia Penrose has taken some very unfair flack from a person with connections to the Twins even been called a liar! come on lets get our Denise to win!...

Either call - 09016 161702

Or show support on Facebook -

Thank you everyone...

UPDATE...SHE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An Ode to Denise

Alas Denise we watched from afar, you in BB us at the bar.
From the start we watched with a sense of pride,
Hoping you’d get on well with all inside.
It started off really quite well, but things soon changed in the house from hell.

First was Manson, not the full cent. On causing trouble he was hell bent.
You tried your best at keeping calm, even put up with that fake Yankie charm.
OK you like a bevy or two, hardly a crime or reason to sue.
He was really boring and liked a moan, his voice nothing more than an dreary drone.

It then kicked off with the three rank skanks, an Essex WAG n a couple of Yanks.
One gets paid for flashin her bits, the others at the mercy of an old man’s mits.
Between all three there were infact six faces, alas no brains just empty spaces.
In the end outside saw through their game, three desperate wannabes seekin fame.

Pantgate sent the house into a spin, the twins made a fuss hopin they’d win.
‘I don’t know if I’m happy with that’ If yer name had been Hefner shed’ve shown you her Twat.
The rest of the boys came to your aid, Frankie showed us from what he was made.
It was at this point when branded a sinner, we began to see who was the winner.

So the final came and the best one won, jealousy and bitterness etched on some.
Bad losers they were right to the end, contempt and bad luck to them we send.
Penrose n Macca did their bits, with support down the Arndale flashin their tits.
That’s it from BB for another year, I wonder who’s name next time we’ll cheer…

Monday, 23 January 2012

the ride of me life...

well as the song went in Dirty Dancin...I had the ride of me life...alass it didnt yer now i went back to internet daytin last week as i woz feelin a bit lonely after me birthday...witch was crackin by the way an thanks for all yerz good wishes...anyway i agress as the posh folk say...webbed onto the logsite an there he was...a vision in lether...his name was KK or Kev Kawasaki...i didnt make a coneckshon coz i'm not into bikes...anyways i made a real effort...soaked me tites...steamed me leggins an even sprayed me Far La...wen he pulled up i nearly popped a luv egg...he woz garjus...he waz like nite rider but on a bike...cudnt get me helmit on me barnet so i took a he wisked me off to paradise...not the shop...the pub...he wudnt let me pay for anythin...then he said heed show me sum manoovers...well me fanny nearly bit me leg off... i thort he ment in bed...but it woz on his beloved bike...

i tried to be as glam az i cud under the sircumstanses...i really thort it woz goin well...i even attemptid movin in wiv me lips but hiz vizor waz down...said he had a cold thortful waz that...i said i'd just kiss his helmet but he wouldnt av any of off he rode into the sunset...i put up a fite tho...check out the video beelow...

ah well...yer carnt win em all can's the video diary of me date wiv Mr Kawasaki!...Enjoy..


Friday, 20 January 2012

gentlee bentlee...

better to hav nearly loved n lost than never loved at all...story of my life...i woz mindin me own bizness last week sprayin me Far La on promoshons wen in walked Bob Smith...he won nearly a millyon on the national bingo online...he made a bee line for me an asked to sniff me Far i gave him a wiff then he asks hav i got any expeerience with the elderly...i thinks i'm on there so i sed yes...then he asks out the blue do i wanna go out wiv him next nite...i got a flash of me livin somwere ded posh like Birkenhead or Moss i books me hair appointment with the lovely Henry Alan (think heez got the horn for me always fits me in)...
gets meself all dold up...put a crease in me leggins an even soaked me tites in me off I went...he tret me like royaltee...he gave me fizzy sum shite called Kaveear...tasted more like billy to me i wudn't put it past him...then he took me up a cuntree layne in his Bentlee wiv the roof off...i had arrived an he didnt try n shag me eyether...
alass as the posh peeple say...all good things come to an end...i waited outside his house all day waytin for him to call...not a sossige...then out of the blue i gets a call sayin the job is mine as his mothers home help...wat a blow...he waz just intervewin for someone to look after his ald muther...told him were to stick it...i'll leave yer with a pic of me in the Bentlee were he left me to sleep all nite...i've joyned a datin site an got a dayte on Saturday...i'll keep yerz posted...

Sunday, 15 January 2012

Beverly Queen of Tarts...

its bin nearly 15 years sinse we lost our lovely princess lady diana of the harts...i'm still gettin over it...i still carnt look at a copy of Hello without fillin i can only go to a Mcdonalds drive thru carnt go in coz i can see her sat there with her lovely boys...anyway i agress as the posh say...i think the cuntree may hav fownd a new Queen of mistake i add...i popped in to see me rich dates mum Doreen on Friday to impress him...but i felt a warm feelin...i herd a voyce sayin i set abowt changin me Beverly Macca Queen Of Tarts... 

 i got rid of the lovely nurse with a frendly wave...and set off up the stairs to run Doreen a bath...dear sweet laydee she was too...she kept sayin i waz sent from i ran the bath n went down the stairs to make her a cuppa...she stroked my face gently...think she was a bit confused coz she said i needed a i took her up the to the bath and left he to hav a soak...god i had a ball on her woz like Alton Towers at hers...i luved all the rides...i nipped out for a wee shop on her scooter...i woz nearly dun for kerb crawlin...well i only forgot about her didn't a call about 7hrs later to say she had managed to crawl out an hit her alarm...felt awful...hay ho...she ad a ball i rekon...
here i am out on da town doin sum wheel spins n cruisin sum guyz...check out da biatch in white...wass her problem man...i'll leave yerz wiv this little link of me avin a ride after puttin Doreen in the bath...check out me telephone voyce...laterz...Click below -

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Cheez n wine...

                       well well well...whood hav thort it...cudn't help but do an ode to Mr WT! ...

Anthony oh Anthony I watched from afar,
You at the cooker me at the bar.
Lovely grub an tasty delights,
Too rich for me, would give me the shites.

So yerv taken a leaf out of Bevlar’s book,

Nickin from Tezzies yer offishally a crook.
It wasn’t just parsley, corriander n thyme,
It was blocks of posh cheese an finest red wine.

Yerv blown yer chances of a contract with Lidl,

Who wants a chef whose bin on the fiddle.
Sainsburys had Jamie squeaky clean an crime free,
Even Netto won’t touch you now they’v signed Rustie Lee.

Alas me poem is comin to an end.

Here’s hopin yer problem with help yer can mend.
Lets face it non of us have that clean a slate,
So best wishes dear Anthony on me nerves yer do grate.

Monday, 9 January 2012

Lizzy duke look out...

as the kockernees say...wud you adam n eev it...had a great few days back at werk in Pound Paradise mad called to hed offise to be told they want me to be the face of there new skratchcards...just gettin me hed arownd that wen i get a call sayin coz i pushed me Far La n Klunge so well thay think i mite be good avin me own jewelree saint ronan of the keeting wonce sed 'Life is a rollercowster'...well it is for me at the mo...

well cristmas has gone but me chocklit haznt...avin a ded kwiet nite of roses n a few lambrinis...i need to start me diyet soon coz me leggins are gettin a bit cankles are up like balloons too...catch yerz later...

Friday, 6 January 2012

me Hart skipped a Beat...

well well well...hoowd hav thort it...theres me sent up to Manchester to hed office to be told i'd dun a good job with me Far La in the run up to cristmas...i waz on a hi...not in that way...just ded chuffed me meetin went Cunto (Corsa/Punto) held up well so i thort id got to that posh shoppin senter Trafford...had a wander rownd then me Panda Chineese needed offloadin...went off to the bog...ded posh thay were too...even the bog roll had a folded diamond in the middle...i'm just mid offlowd an i can heer this berd in the next kewbikle singin that LeeLu song Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllll.... to try an hide the sownd of her gruffin...i thort 'that sownds like the skowse berd from Hartbeet'...go out to do me lippy n minit i'm grabbed by me stenshons...its her from hartbeet an starts ragin abowt me n her hubby...i mean...weev ad a bit of fun wen sheez bin in That London...but the way she carried yazu i waz shakin...had to get sum Krispy Kreems n a box of wine tonite to get over it.... be warned...

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Vote Loose...

just takin a brake from eatin me way thru the leftover selekshon boxes at werk...just to ask all you lovelee folk to vote for the lovely Loose Women for an NTA award...I'll make it werth yer on the link below and look under talk shows...laterz...

Vote here -

Monday, 2 January 2012

diein to diet...

if like me yerv over dun it a bit at cristmas an thinkin of dietin let my dietin powem inspire you...just off for a minse pie an a bottle of crem de menth...good luk...

Bev's been dietin for quite a while,
coz as you know she'd stacked on a pile.
Up a few dress sizes I did go,
I'll be Marisota outsize before yer know.

I'm doin the popular slimmin world,
me size 26 I hope to have hurled.
I count all me points an save me sins,
for wild weekends and a good few gins.

How can yer get excited about salady bits,
all this greenery is gettin on me tits.
I'd kill for a fry up for a bacon butty I'd beg, 
instead it's an omelette, grated cheese out me ped egg.

The recipes I'm findin hard to follow,
a boiled flip flop is hard to swallow.
I'm hopin it won't all be in vain,
an busty Bev can pull again.

Sunday, 1 January 2012

Happy New Year!

big happy new year to you all...hope yerz have had a great time an its a happy n helthy won for you...i started off wiv a little chockky treat wiv me lambrini...i was munted coz i'd bin across to nosey nayborhood watch man for a NY drink...well i've shaved 2012 into me laydee garden for the new years eave...they start plyin me wiv thing yer now sheez nipped out the room heez givin me the eye so as a little festive treat i flashed me gash at him...pissed meself laffin...he nearly had a stroke but she came back in...

had a crackin nite out...didnt start off well coz i'd put sum nibbles out for me gays for before we go out...but i fell asleep after bein at nosey nayborhood watch mans house...woke up an me prawn ring waz still frozen...had to blow dry it wiv me hair dryer...thayv all got arses like blood oringes today thanks to that...rice bar did a grate year chinese buffay before that an got it free coz i did the chopstick up the jacksie trick...ended up back home at cock o clock...cudn't find me tites or me bra but fownd me tites scrunched up by me arse in me me bra before it was in Aldi car park on the pay n display mashine...

 woke up feelin like boiled thing i now i'm chuckin up me snowballs into me Aldi bag...feel better now...just watchin celebrity life of grime...catch yerz later... xx