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Sunday, 28 May 2017

Too Loose n back....


Well it started off tryin to get a passport. I thought I could use me staff ID, turns out yer can't. Good job I found out before I got to the airport. After years of workin hard on till 1 and at the wireless I decided to head off to see me mate Gaynor in Too Loose France. Thanks to Jet2.com who kindly had some ded cheap flights goin. I did have Sophie demented in the social media department.... 




God love her, she tried didn't she. Well I got to the airport, made sure I got frisked. I popped a hard boiled egg wrapped in tinfoil into me intimayte wear, took about 5 full body frisks before I let Cess Pitt the security guy know what was makin the scanner bleep. Then before you know it I'm onboard the plane. Brought back terrors of when I was an air hostess....the stewardess on the door says 'Good morning' to which the punters scream 'FOURTEEN A' no sir, I didn't ask your seat number you bell end....then that irritating response to the simple question 'What would you like to drink from the bar?'....which then makes the punter take his glasses off when it should be his headset and shouts 'WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?' Right you arse wipe, I'll just read out everything in my trolley....and keep going even though you stopped me after the first item.........................OMG. I wasn't even working on the flight and I was getting wound up....

Landed in Too Loose and was whisked to Casa Naddell....ded posh it was....it even had a swimmin pool. I knew her when she had a outside toilet in the Gorbles....now look at her. Mind you, I did have a piss in the pool so I guess she still sort of has an outside loo! Don't tell her. She thrust a large glass of Rosy in me hand....


It wasn't long before the conversation turned to food. Well I wasn't goin to be eatin any forrin muck like Pomm Frits or Pasta....So we headed off for the 'supermarketto' (that's French for supermarket, I think....I find if you just shout at the forrin ones and speak slowly they understand.... 
'DO AY YOU AY HAV AY ANY AY BROWN AY SAUCE AY?' It worked....I was directed to the 'Inglish' section of Le Supermarketto. There it was, everything I'd need for a few days in a forrin cuntry. 'Le Seckshon Inglaysh' complete with 'Le Pot Noodell'


Then just when you think things can't get any better, in the Non Inglaysh seckshun was Le Boil In Le Sac fish. They'd copied us Brittish.


Well they say France is the lurrrrve capital of the world and they wern't wrong. On the way back from Le Supermarketto we went to Le Garage. There he was, olive skin jet black hair and holdin his firm shiny hose....Pierre Onion....Me Le Fanny nearly bit me leg off. We hit it off straight away....well sort of, I got a picture of him lookin lovingly into Le Vwature (that's car)....I could hear Chanson Da More playin in the background....it was Amor at first sight....


They say true love never runs smoothly, and it didn't. Just when he got close to le vwature he realised how hard it would be to to keep up a relationship from such a Distonce (that's distance)....He ran to his car and sped off....It's a curse bein so bewtiful. As he sped off into le distonce I reflected and remembered that old french saying....'Better to have nearly loved and lost than to never have nearly loved and lost at all'....we headed back to Le Shattow Naddell and I slipped into me cozzy and sat thinking of the love I'd lost....had to wear a douche (that's shower) cap to stop me hair goin frizzy!


Later that day we went on a sight seeing tour of famous buildings....Le McDonalds, Le Subway, Le Burgoir King....real culture in Too Loose. Me time there whizzed by. I enjoyed the company of some ex pat laydees too....They just stay twunted all day to take their minds off the fact they live in France....Lynn the Lush, Shirl Le Whirl and Emma Le Tarte Onion....The real housewives of Too Loose! I had a ball with them....Before I knew it was time to head to Le Airport for home....not before a walk round the most exponsive (that's expensive) shopping centre in the world! 90 Yourow for a tee shirt! Not a Le Primark in sight! Then all of a sudden our eyes met.... well sort off....like a vision from Poldark....there he was.... Claude....We were meant to be together....


I was transfixed....he was trying not to make it obvious he wanted me by lookin at his phone....but there was a vibe, an air of electrisity....I nipped to Le Bog (that's toilet) to powder me nose....when I came back the same fear had struck Claude that had struck Pierre.....How could we carry on our passionate affair from such distonce (that's distance)....I accepted another loss and moved on....I drowned my sorrows with a double cheese burgoir (that's burger) and fries with a bottle of Rosy wine at the airport....


Next stop Casa Macca sons Le Wirrel (that's Wirral)....

Oh Revwar Too Loose....Pierre et (that's and) Claude....until next time!

XXXX

Onezie's In The Bin....


As Dame Elton of the John once sang... 'The gusset wore out long before, the legend ever did. You lived your life, now your Onezie's In The Bin'. On that note I have to announce the departure of me original leopard print onezie that I've had since day one of the Wirral Radio Breakfast Show has departed this earth. #RIPOnezie

On a lighter note I've been right bizzy, minglin with Royalty too! Well sort of, I was hostin the Wirral Diamond Awards at some gaff on the Wirral (not as flash as it makes out) and I was in the company of HRH Her worshipfullness, dame left lootennunt Lorna Muirhead. She's the one the queen sends out when she can't be arsed. O M G, she's lovely, her hubby was adorable too. I had to help her as she was tryin to chase a lychee around her plate, I showed her how to gobble it whole without using cuttleree! Here's me and Lozza doin a selfie! #royalselfie


All the local WAGs were there too, me fave is the Duchess of Dining Out Mandy Molby and her side kick the fab Trudi With An i.... They both do so much to help others, it's a privali...privelid.... it's ded ded good to know them! He we are channelin Charlie's Angels, more Bobs Birds!


Well there's no show without punch.....and Judy! It's me and me boys John and Ian from the breakfast show! We scrub up well don't we! I won't share the after picture! 


After me latest trip to London to film the new series of Crafty Beggars In The House I can confirm the transmission is June! So just a few weeks to go until you see me getting trollied poolside with me angels Wendy Turner Webster and Julie Peasgood. If you pick up a copy of  Crafts Beautiful you can read all about it, and what I got up to too. 


Also I've just finished filming the new pilot sitcom Extra Extra. Had a ball with David, Thomas, Claire and Michael. I'll keep you posted when there's more news on that! Here we are on set. 


Check out the size of Thomas's furry Boom!


Right, that's it for now. Remember me new logsite is up and running! All the latest news and gossip, plus links to me Twitter too. 

Bev XX




Friday, 14 April 2017

Sniff My Far La


Men are going wild for my Far La....


Forget J Lo, Britnee, Taylor Swift or Arry Anna Grandee....There's only one thing you want to smell of this summer.... Bev's Far La....There's nothing like it out there....men go wild for my Far La. Spoil yerself today! 

Bev
X

It's A Wrap


It's a wrap, series 4 of Crafty Beggars In The House is in the can....or whatever the telly folk say. What a series it is too. Big thanks to the Crafty Ladies Wendy Turner Webster and Julie Peasgood, who kindly invited me back. It was great to meet Nigel and Zahra too, thanks to Zahra for doing me eye make up. Me eye has just reopened after being glued together for a week! 


The journey started as it always does, onboard the Virgin Pedallo to London. Me thong was cuttin into me so I kicked it off and enjoyed a voddy n tonic. The train manager couldn't take his eyes off me intimayte wear! It's such a great service, only takes just over 2hrs and yer in London. Thanks to Nadeem on the return journey who really looked after me, as did the Twitter @virgintrains team. 


Arrived at Turner Webster Affluent Towers early evening. That doorbell is still the same - 


Gary opened the door in a pair of court shoes and a roll on gurdle. 'Dhaaaaling, it's for my art' he said. He's not been the same since working with Stephanie Beecham (heiress to the Beecham Powders empire). He reeked of Charlie (the perfume, not the class A) Wendy's favourite perfume. I made me way up to the Minder Suite to get me leggins on. Wendy arrived home soon after thank the sweet baby yazu....I was self harmin listenin to Gary singin songs from the musicals, don't ask. After a few wines and some vegan burgers which were like chewin on an old flip flop, I made me excuses and headed to bed to have a chomp on the leg of lamb I'd managed to sneak in to TWAT. It's the personal tutches I like at TWAT, Wendy always puts me fave bedding on! I think she sees me when she's makin the bed with this beddin. Could be me in the picture!


It was an early call for our filming in Surrey the next day so sleep was important. It was all goin so well until....I felt a sharp jab in me back and the words 'I could be so good for you'....Yes, Gary's night walks had returned....before you could say George Cole I'd shuved him back into bed, Wendy was snoring to the Crafty Beggars theme tune with an empty bottle of night nurse by the side of the bed. Time to sleep! I was woked up by the 04.46 BA028 coming into land at Heathrow. That was me awake then until our taxi arrived.
Now there's another story, all of a sudden the word 'Taxi' has been removed from the cockernee language. It's all about the 'Ooh Ber' now! I was glad to get back up North to get into a TAXI not a friggin Ooh Ber!
After a scary ride in the 'Ooh Ber' we arrived in Surrey. You could smell the wealth! This was to be me home for the day. 

  
We were all setting up when next minute we could hear.... 'Welcome to the cruise channel with me Julie Peasgood'....she'd only jumped in the dinghy and was floatin round the pool thinkin she's back onboard the HMS Carnival doin a show! Gave her a pommygranite n pot pouri herbal tea and she was fine! I was excited to see sex on legs James the cameraman, he can't take his eyes off me rack....and I'm not talkin sticky barbecue ones either! I pretend I can't get me mic box on, it's the only way I could get him close to me bear arse without rohipnol. Next minute it was ACTION - 


As well as gettin me Tips....TIPS out it was time for healthy cocktails with the garjus Anneka Svenska, try sayin that name after a few cocktails. The day flew by, filming was interupted by the well known hostess whose house it was, blasting out Russ Abbot's Oh What An Atmosphere at full blast. Long story but she worked on the show....don't ask! As well as some new tips, the Lazy Loafer made a return by popular demand. 


Here's me and the girls after a long day on set, had to photoshop Wendy and Julie's cankles, they both had to go home in moon boots


That was that! A great day, good fun and exciting times ahead. Big thanks to Trevor, Andy, James and Patrick too. I took a few moments and bevvies to reflect on a wonderful day, lovely people and being thankful for the opportunity given to me. 


Thank you Wendy & Julie

Bev
XXXX

.
**EXTRA**
Few of my favourite pics from the day....


Me neckin me cocktail.


Modelling the Lazy Loafers.


Would you like a nibble sir? Love this photo.


Julie neckin her cocktail.


Sunday, 22 January 2017

Nomination, that's what you need!


Well whood have thunk it. Pound shop shelf stacker, to finalist with backer! Yes, I've been nominated for an award in the Liverpool Lifestyle Awards 2017! Best Social Media Personality! To think you knew me when I had an outside bog! I'm so grateful to all who nominated and to everyone who is voting. Thank you so much. If you haven't voted yet and want to know more, here's the article in the local paper. 



Thanks guys!

Love Bev
XXXX


Friday, 6 January 2017

Happy New Year! A look back....


Well it's here, 2017. Where did 2016 go? I know it was a sad one for the loss of so many folk, famous and non famous. For me it was a good one, met some wonderful new people, made some great new contacts too. Highlights included meeting and working with Wendy Turner Webster and Julie Peasgood on Crafty Beggars In The House. Finding out Minder Gary Webster's doorbell is the Minder theme choon! Not forgetting Eamonn Holmes handling my intimayte wear and getting caught by Ruth! 


I was head to head with posh bird Kirstie Allsop as she makes Christmas decorations on a budget of £235.000 - Meanwhile Bev can knock you up an advent calender for a quid!


Or why not Tinsel Up Yer Tights for Christmas too!


Another highlight was bein 'Bev Of The Ball' at the Denise Welch charity event. What a night, ended up losin me Samsung S7 edge and me chicken fillet from me bra! Don't ask. Great night though and was treated like a Princess by Denise and guests. Even met the lovely Anne Twist, mother of the fab Harry Styles. 


Even made the Manchester Evening News with lovely Denise. 


So what for 2017? Well lots going on, I'm walking the boards in theatre in May, watch this space. Filming the pilot of me chat show 'A Night On The Aisles' which will be fun. Plus hosting me Saturday night show 'Beverly Macca's Big Night Out' on Wirral Radio. Not forgetting doing the Breakfast Show Mon - Fri between 7 - 10am. 
Thanks for all your support and love. 

Bev
XXXX





Saturday, 26 November 2016

Belle Of The Ball. Dedicated to Denise Welch....


Well what can I say.. Dreams really do come true, and thank you to the lovely Denise Welch for makin this Poundshop Princesses dream come true. It all started 15 years ago when me invite for Denise's very first charity ball went missing in the post. Then every other year the same thing happened. I put it down to a dodgy postman who was gettin in under my name every year! Imagine that, a bloke in a frock gettin into the event as me! Anyways, it didn't stop me enjoyin meself out the back of each event. Den's dad Vin would feed me his cocktail sausage through a peep hole to keep me happy and I'd bring me own Lambrini. Here's me enjoyin one of the charity balls...


Then this year Denise didn't want to risk the post again so she used ye olde messenger and invited me. I nearly choked on me sweet n sour pork ball when it hit me inbox. It read 'Hey skanky knickers, wanna come to me ball? Hands off me dad and don't speak to the press' That's just Denise bein lovin towards me. I had to think about it for about 3 and a half seconds, then hit send with 'Yes please yer ald slapper' .... and then it was time to find the frock! I was just goin to put a crease in me leggins and fabreeze me tights, but apparently in Denise's darker days she used to drink Fabreeze with a Cillit Bang chaser. Didn't want her to relapse at the smell of my tights. So I opted for a ball gown. Huge thanks to Emma Siddorn who had shoplifted this bewty some time ago and couldn't slim into it. It even had the security tag on! I've got a machine to get that bugger off. Take a look....


Then came the night! Me Cunto (Corsa/Punto cut n shut) was playin up so I got a lift to the Premier Inn at Trafford in Manchester. I was shown up to the Lenny Henry sweet by a lovely receptionist, smelt of fresh hashish but very nice. I searched all over the room, I didn't want to wake up with Lenny in me bed or in me shower! 


I had a couple of friends there, the lovely SiKick Katie Keeley. She'd had a few by the time she got to my room. Tried to get the lotto numbers off her but it wasn't happenin after a magnum of Babysham! Lovely Carl was there too, she was too busy pluckin her eyebrows to get any sense out of. After a quick hose down in the 2cm X 2cm shower I was ready! And here I am in me finery! 


Didn't quite get a glass carriarge to the ball....Polish Pete in his Mondayo had to do. Then we arrived at Event City....It was like an A2Z of who's who out of Take A Break magazine! There was the celebrity couple from this mornin who stop yer bein frightened of all kinds of shite the 'Walkmans' the lovely Dr Pam Spurr, she wasn't well after a fall the week before, don't ask. There was the hand from XFactor that pushes contestants out for their auditions. And the piss of resistence had to be....the garjus Vin Welch! I've always had eyes for him, I like the older man you see, they're always more grateful and say thank you after intimasees! Here's me n him gettin akwayntid, I don't think it was his napkin I could feel through me Spanx either! #hesstillgotit We even had a slowy to Agadoo which was lovely....


The meal was lovely, soup to start then a bit of chickin followed by some posh puddin I couldn't pronounce....didn't touch the sides. Denise was givin me evils coz she's on Lighter Life and was chewin on an old flip flop and drinkin some shake or other....Lincoln is a dish, he's garjus. Couldn't take his eyes off me rack, and I'm not talkin ribs either! He's a fabulous artist yer know....I caught up with him in the ladies where he asked if he could draw me....I thought it was a youfenizm but before I knew it he knocked up this picture of me.....such detail to attenshun, he even got the flap off me Spanx in....


I got chattin to this one woman, she was garjus....if I was was from Lezbaysha I probably would've if yer get me drift....I think she was a bit Sykick too....I said hello, how are you....next minute I couldn't get a word in edgeways she said....  

'You're insecure,
Don't know what for,
You're turning heads when you walk through the door,
Don't need make-up, to cover up,
Being the way that you are is enough
Everyone else in the room can see it,
Everyone else but you'

 she was spot on....I thanked her and said, Anne, 'that's what makes you bewtiful'....never did find out who she was, but I did get a picture with her....In the words of Stevie Wonder....'Happy Birthday to y.....' Oops, wrong song... 'Isn't she lovely'....


Just as I was about to leave the do, I heard 'Katherine, Katherine....' I think that's what they said, it was in Mancunian so I did struggle a bit. It's a curse I live with being a Katherine Jenkins lookey likey....It's only Steve and Michelle....They asked me to sing a line from a popular stage show....I gave them a few bars of 'Bob The Builder' had a photo and buggered off....she hid her bump well I have to say!....


And that as they say is it...What a fantastic night! Here is an amazing video to give you a sneak preview of how the night went courtesy of Christian Braybrooke. Julie Arnold at Entertainment Today did a wonderful job, it was great to meet her too. Might have her to do my 30th birthday!....




Denise Welch, thank you so much for inviting me and for making me feel so welcome. It was so lovely to meet you at last, and to meet Lincoln too. I felt very privileged to be there, especially being on top table. Your passion for the charity shines through and you should be proud. Big thanks to the lovely Vin too for photo's and the dance. 

Big hugs.

Bev XXXX 



Find out more about the GEM Appeal Charity here - http://www.gemappeal.org.uk/

Belle Of The Ball. Dedicated to Denise Welch....


Well what can I say.. Dreams really do come true, and thank you to the lovely Denise Welch for makin this Poundshop Princesses dream come true. It all started 15 years ago when me invite for Denise's very first charity ball went missing in the post. Then every other year the same thing happened. I put it down to a dodgy postman who was gettin in under my name every year! Imagine that, a bloke in a frock gettin into the event as me! Anyways, it didn't stop me enjoyin meself out the back of each event. Den's dad Vin would feed me his cocktail sausage through a peep hole to keep me happy and I'd bring me own Lambrini. Here's me enjoyin one of the charity balls...


Then this year Denise didn't want to risk the post again so she used ye olde messenger and invited me. I nearly choked on me sweet n sour pork ball when it hit me inbox. It read 'Hey skanky knickers, wanna come to me ball? Hands off me dad and don't speak to the press' That's just Denise bein lovin towards me. I had to think about it for about 3 and a half seconds, then hit send with 'Yes please yer ald slapper' .... and then it was time to find the frock! I was just goin to put a crease in me leggins and fabreeze me tights, but apparently in Denise's darker days she used to drink Fabreeze with a Cillit Bang chaser. Didn't want her to relapse at the smell of my tights. So I opted for a ball gown. Huge thanks to Emma Siddorn who had shoplifted this bewty some time ago and couldn't slim into it. It even had the security tag on! I've got a machine to get that bugger off. Take a look....


Then came the night! Me Cunto (Corsa/Punto cut n shut) was playin up so I got a lift to the Premier Inn at Trafford in Manchester. I was shown up to the Lenny Henry sweet by a lovely receptionist, smelt of fresh hashish but very nice. I searched all over the room, I didn't want to wake up with Lenny in me bed or in me shower! 


I had a couple of friends there, the lovely SiKick Katie Keeley. She'd had a few by the time she got to my room. Tried to get the lotto numbers off her but it wasn't happenin after a magnum of Babysham! Lovely Carl was there too, she was too busy pluckin her eyebrows to get any sense out of. After a quick hose down in the 2cm X 2cm shower I was ready! And here I am in me finery! 


Didn't quite get a glass carriarge to the ball....Polish Pete in his Mondayo had to do. Then we arrived at Event City....It was like an A2Z of who's who out of Take A Break magazine! There was the celebrity couple from this mornin who stop yer bein frightened of all kinds of shite the 'Walkmans' the lovely Dr Pam Spurr, she wasn't well after a fall the week before, don't ask. There was the hand from XFactor that pushes contestants out for their auditions. And the piss of resistence had to be....the garjus Vin Welch! I've always had eyes for him, I like the older man you see, they're always more grateful and say thank you after intimasees! Here's me n him gettin akwayntid, I don't think it was his napkin I could feel through me Spanx either! #hesstillgotit We even had a slowy to Agadoo which was lovely....


The meal was lovely, soup to start then a bit of chickin followed by some posh puddin I couldn't pronounce....didn't touch the sides. Denise was givin me evils coz she's on Lighter Life and was chewin on an old flip flop and drinkin some shake or other....Lincoln is a dish, he's garjus. Couldn't take his eyes off me rack, and I'm not talkin ribs either! He's a fabulous artist yer know....I caught up with him in the ladies where he asked if he could draw me....I thought it was a youfenizm but before I knew it he knocked up this picture of me.....such detail to attenshun, he even got the flap off me Spanx in....


I got chattin to this one woman, she was garjus....if I was was from Lezbaysha I probably would've if yer get me drift....I think she was a bit Sykick too....I said hello, how are you....next minute I couldn't get a word in edgeways she said....  

'You're insecure,
Don't know what for,
You're turning heads when you walk through the door,
Don't need make-up, to cover up,
Being the way that you are is enough
Everyone else in the room can see it,
Everyone else but you'

 she was spot on....I thanked her and said, Anne, 'that's what makes you bewtiful'....never did find out who she was, but I did get a picture with her....In the words of Stevie Wonder....'Happy Birthday to y.....' Oops, wrong song... 'Isn't she lovely'....


Just as I was about to leave the do, I heard 'Katherine, Katherine....' I think that's what they said, it was in Mancunian so I did struggle a bit. It's a curse I live with being a Katherine Jenkins lookey likey....It's only Steve and Michelle....They asked me to sing a line from a popular stage show....I gave them a few bars of 'Bob The Builder' had a photo and buggered off....she hid her bump well I have to say!....


And that as they say is it...What a fantastic night! Here is an amazing video to give you a sneak preview of how the night went courtesy of Christian Braybrooke. Julie Arnold at Entertainment Today did a wonderful job, it was great to meet her too. Might have her to do my 30th birthday!....




Denise Welch, thank you so much for inviting me and for making me feel so welcome. It was so lovely to meet you at last, and to meet Lincoln too. I felt very privileged to be there, especially being on top table. Your passion for the charity shines through and you should be proud. Big thanks to the lovely Vin too for photo's and the dance. 

Big hugs.

Bev XXXX 



Find out more about the GEM Appeal Charity here - http://www.gemappeal.org.uk/