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Sunday, 26 June 2016

Bev On The Box....

If you choon in to the Wirral Radio Breakfast show, you'll know I do Bev On The Box, telling you about what's coming up on Telly. This entree in me diary is about something else....

Well it all started on a sunny Satdee mornin onboard the 6.45am Virgin Pedallo. Kicked off me Timmy Shoos and popped me cankles up awaiting me full Inglish breakfast as I was in the Premium Cabin.... Not a, or bacon or eggs! Lovely Scottish woman came thru with the trolley, couldn't understand a word she said, sumthink about deep fried and bagpipes I think. Anyways she held up what looked like a muffin, and I pointed to the pot with the tea in it. Well me tea was luke warm and as for the suspect muffin....I nearly choked. It was like eatin Loft Insulayshun. Apparentlee it's called a Pan Oh Tony, well Tony needs to have a word with Dame Mary Of The Berry! Worst of all was it's forrin food, as we'd just left the EYou I thought it a bit insensitive of Virgin to serve ! Here it is - 

The object of travellin down to London was to do some filming with the lovely Julie Peasgood and Wendy Turner Webster. They have a production company called 'Good Turn Productions' and have a show called 'Crafty Beggars In The House' The laydees had been followin me and liked some of me craft tips, especially me Christmas ones, 'Bev's Home Made Christmas'. I was on root to Richmond, a ded ded posh part of London. I arrived in Richmond and after nearly chokin on the loft insulayshun I felt I needed to eat somthing proper. I found a lovely likkle place who were advertising breakfast. The cocknee laydee who took me order was lovely, couldn't understand a word she said so I got her to write it down. Then came a lovely breakfast, orringe juice - the face on her when I asked if she served Sunny Delight... You'd have thunk I'd asked her to shit on the table. Even the tea was diffrent, no bags just leaves. Me driver was on root to pick me up so I asked for the bill..... Sweet baby yazu....bearin in mind I can get a full inglish, tea, sunny delight and the read of a paper for £2 at Sheila's Meals in Birkenhead. The bill.................. £239.50 I near shit! Apparently I'd paid extra for the napkin and brown sauce. Here's the offendin breakfast - 

After the shock of the most expensive breakfast in the werld I stepped outside and another fashion had hit Richmond! Looked like me long lost mum - 

Didn't take long for me breakfast to pass through, it's me irritible bowel....I had to look for a toilet, nipped into Richmond station thinkin they'll be a nice clean carzee. Clean....clean....not only was it clean they even have readin material and refreshments in there....can of lager and a copy of Men Only greeted me in the disabled kewbikle. Had to nip in there coz me case was too big. Talk about the North/South Divide, best you get up here is an old copy of Metro, and that's to wipe yer arse with! 

Before I knew it me driver had arrived...the lovely Patrick. He whisked me off to Hizelworth and the home of Wendy Turner Webster who had a set for the show and filming. I pressed the doorbell and the Minder theme choon started playing....(her husband was in Minder)....then I'm taken on set to meet the girls....they looked lovely....caked in make up for the kamras and if anyone tells you TV puts 10 pounds on yer weight it's rubbish! They looked as big in the flesh as they do on screen! I bought the girls some choklit to break the ice with and went to offer them a Flake each....they were snatched out me hands quicker than was I to know Wendy's sister Anthea had an allergy to them and she wouldn't have them in the house. I went up to the green room, I say green room, it was more cream room. I was getting changed when all of a sudden I heard duff, duff duff duff duff.... Gary had entered the bedroom (he's now in Eastenders) 'Alright Treakle' he said....asked me if I fancied a jellied eel.... I ran and locked meself in the bathroom.... when I came out he'd gone....he was quite cute...then it was time for me close up as they say in Sunset Boulevard... I'm ushered to the set and put next to the girls....they looked a bit intimidayted, after all I'm only a cheeky size 4/6 women often soon as I sat down I heard the director shout 'we need a wide angle' I had to agree with him but didn't want to upset Julie or Wendy. Trevor his name was, he couldn't take his eyes off me rack....and I'm not talking ribs! Here we are ready for our filming - 

And here's 'One Take Trevor' zoomin in on me rack! Such a gentlemen he was too!

Well before I knew it all five episodes were in the can as they say in the telly world. It was time to say goodbye and head back to Youston for the Virgin Pedallo home. I can't tell you what me tips were coz they're a sekrit, I think you will like them....especially the one involving jam! I was made so welcome and everyone was so friendly, even after the choklit incident! Patrick ushered me back to the station in his Mondayo, he'd left the heated seat arse was on fire but I didn't want to sound ungrateful an ask him to turn it off.... I think he wanted me out of me leggins but Julie was geggin in in the back.... On the train back to Youston we stopped at a station that brought back some memrees.... Not that I'd bin there but I remember one of me exes saying this is what I do to men in the bedroom - 

It was a lovely ride home...had a box of Lambrini for the journey home....wasn't that hungry. The steward on the train offered me a finger, I was about to say 'Tits First, I'm not a slag' when he popped the packet on me table....I blushed.....

perfect end to a perfect wasn't for this couple....they were on a weekend upgrade to First Klass....He pushed the boat out and grabbed a couple of carling black labels, she had a straw in a bottle of Crem De Menth.... she was Twatted by Tring....

I'll keep you posted on when the show is going out. Hope yerz can choon in.