Well I tumbled outta bed and stumbled to the shower, only cold water coz I had no lecky power, stretchin, yawnin drank some 5Alive....It was a normal Satdee morning, had to do me community service as per usual. Me destination was Neo Community Cafe, an amazing group of people headed up by Ema and Jen. They take food that would have been dumped and give it to those who need it most. I've put a link to their website below. So I turns up and there's Ema and Jen organisin everyone, quick pic with the girls and Adam.
I was given me apron and told to slice some baps, it was like preparin for a Northern funeral, 50 baps, you slice I'll scrape....I was workin with Gill, she used to be a stripper at the Tranmere Tramps n Vamps club. I was listenin to her story of gettin a ping pong ball stuck after an attack of cramp during her act, I was fascinated. Then I overhead somethin from in me good ear....all of a sudden Gill's stuck ping pong ball became bornin.....I heard them immortal words 'Jeremy is 2 minutes away' All my life I'd dreamt of meetin the man I grew up with....the mother Theresa of daytime telly....I pretended I was still listenin about her ping pong ball, but no I was makin plans. Here's me Gill n Jamie.
So Jeremy is on his way! All I could think was DNA tests, lie detector tests and a free night in a hotel before the show. I was tryin hard to show some enthusiasm spreadin them baps but I couldn't concentrate. Then I heard them immortal words....'Jeremy is here' Everyone was rushin round like blue arsed flies, I just applied some of me 'labia lillac' lippy and waited for our paths to cross....next minute he's brought in and given a pair of medical gloves and told to make pizza with the kids. Only turns out he was on community service too! I was shocked, my childhood hero wasn't the clean cut guy he appears. Here he is makin pizza with some of the other inmates here!
I was shocked how he'd aged, I'd seen him on my box so many times but he seemed grey and had grown a beard. I knew it was him though when he asked one of the children 'do you know who your real dad is?' Never off duty Jeremy, that's why we love him. Next minute his pizza was fed through me hatch, here's Jeremy's pizza someone shouted. I stared at it, this had been made by the hands of the 'Duke of Drama TV' and I had it in my grasp....I couldn't help but touch it....with me lips! A moment I shall remember for ever, I gently kissed his cheesy creation before poppin it in the oven....
Then before I knew it I was summoned before the man himself....'get me the wench who cooked my pizza' the master had spoken, next minute I was thrust before him. 'You smell divine' he said, 'that's me Far Lar' I replied, blushing like a young girl meeting One Direction....quick photo and I was whisked away back to the dishes....quicker than you could say DNA....well that photo is now me screensaver....me and Jeremy Kyle 2gether 4eva....
Well that's it, just another quiet day in the life of Beverly Macca the Pound Shop Shelf Stacker! Here's the final photo call with the whole team at Neo Community Cafe. For more details on the wonderful work they do visit this website -
http://www.neocommunitycafe.org.uk/
Love Bev
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