An alternativ Crimbo messige...

Wishing all my lovely followers, Facebook friends and diary readers a very Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year!

Love Bev

XXXX

Festive Frivolity...

Ho ho ho...sat on till 1 at Pound Paradise...kews down the aisles but i aint arsed...they can wait...i've bin on the lick yours since 8am...I'm twunted...lookin at me till thru one eye...I'm gonna record a christmas messige later for everyone to see...this is just a hello...I've got me Christmas dinner sorted...a Christmas Pot Noeldle for one....as per...

Can't beat it...even the jewse is christmassy at the bottom of the pot...some peeple feel sorry for me bein on me own wiv me Pot Noeldle...don't....i av a ball...an me gays come n visit me too...one day I'll be sat at me berth mums table Vanessa Feltz....untill that day i'm happy....I've layed me Christmas Trayble too...

Finally me crissy tree is up at Casa Macca too.....took some doin but I got there in the end...

Just a reminder....it's the last day of the Pound Paradise sale...all things in the katalog down to 99p...hurry while stocks last...the santa loo set has nearly sold out...still time to grab my Far La tho if you are kwik....

 Catch yerz later... Merry Christmas lovely peeps.... xxxx

 

Oops Upside me head...

Well hello there...been a while but i dont like to bombard yer wiv me daily life so i dont av an entree as often...well I'll start wiv me most resent ecksperience...look at the state of me tites...I'm ragin...went out on the lash wiv me gays last nite to selebrayte Moany Maloney gettin kicked off the X Factor...don't get me rong...he's got a grate voice but he ain't go the X Factor...he'll do well regardless now....didn't his nan put on a great spread from Iceland for Gazza Barlow...shame she didn't get to defrost the celebratory Prawn Ring...she'll be gettin a refund on that today...I agress...me tites...end of the night at the Rice Bar we all got up to do Oops Upside Yer Head...next thing I've got a bleedin gash...they still havent fixed that nail in the floor....I ended up in Casualty...not the show....we ad a laff tho coz I always get Lispin Lisa from Lidl to ask for it on the microfone...'Could I requetht Oopth Upthide your head pleathe'.....

Well its nearly Christmas and time for the sweet baby yazu n presents...I was asked to switch the lites on at a local branch of Sue Ryder for me services to charity shops...duz me bum look big in this?...

I was treated to a new look for Christmas thanks to Karen at Malcolm Oliver Hair in Heswall Wirral...she talked me into it sayin how blonds have more fun...well I bit the bullet and went for it...here's me wiv me foils on...I was shittin a love egg incase it went rong...but unlike Sharm El Sharon's salon Tu Tan Cum In Malcolm Oliver is a profeshonal outfit...their certifikaytes are real...not ritten in Ejipshon like Sharons...and here is the finished product...

I have to confess i do like it...as do all me mates...only thing is it's really made the Katherine Jenkins situashon worse...me fone was ringin off the hook when the Wheeltappers n Shunters variety show was on telly...all thinkin I was on...an as for havin more fun...I've been taken up the Wong Wei more times than ever since I went blond.......I'm sick of chinese buffays now...

As yer know I've bin doin me raydio stint on 7waves 92.1FM with the lovely Adam Siddorn...it was a daytime slot...sadly he has decided to go on to pashtures new wiv a nite time show...an he's taken me wiv him...so choon in on a Wednesdee nite between 8-11pm you can listen online at www.7waves.co.uk too.......if yer wonderin why I'm dressed like that I was in on his last day...it was a sad affair....but all forgotten after a few Lambrinis...here's me on the first night time show in me Jarmees at the stewdio....Good Luck to Adam...

 

Well tradgedy struck Casa Macca last week...I was hit with Nora's Virus...terrible...I didnt think I'd pull thru...I dropped about 2lbs in 4 days...I was like Tor Beckham...me youniform was hangin off me...thank you to all those who sent me get well messiges...here's a rare pickture from Bevs Boodwar...

Wen yer have a NDE near deth experience it makes yer appreshiate wat yerv got...I'll never moan again...talkin of never moanin again...I was ragin last week when I was offered a placement at Gourmet Coffee in Liverpool...I was head hunted coz of me customer service skills...here's me at me interview with Andy...

I was charmin...he was sent...yer can see it from his look...i always belieev in touchin folk too...it forms a bond...all was goin ded well till I coughed an me love egg shot out like a bleedin Bangkok Bird's ping pong ball....I don't think he noticed...I fell to the floor pretendin to hav lost me earring...

I recovered the situashon by showin him my T W A T kwalifikayshon Targets Within All Trading stores...he was well Impressed...his eyes lit up and he nearly choked on a cappacheeno...I didn't need to show him my Commercial Understanding National Targets after that...I started off havin to use the Coffee mashine which was OK...but when I had to dress the coffee it all went wrong...I had the whooshy cream mashine the rong way round an got a wad of the boys cream all over me face...I tried to hide it...

Next up was makin frothy milk for the cheenos....not great either...i got it all over me size 6 youniform (I like me clothes baggy)....I was gettin all hot n bothered....

i was sweatin like Christopher Maloneys nan as she opens her phone bill so I took to the chillers to cool me Nancy...it was bliss...

I had no credit left on me fone so I tried to use theres while it was quiet...it was crap...couldn't get a signal an it kept spewin out bits of paper...

It gets worse....I'm avin five minits break catchin up on Decembers Lifestyle Monthly magazeen an some fella starts tuttin n huffin....goin on about only avin a hour for his lunch break...i switched off an let him talk to the hand.....some peeple are so rude....

I think Andy an Dean could see I was gettin a bit stressed...so they told me to take a break after clearin up the tables....I don't think so....I was egzorsted...I found a nice comfy sofa to put me cankles up.....arnt the jenral public vile....thay begrudge yer a break...look at the kipper on these fellas.......

I ended up escapin to the bogs to get away from it all......even that wasn't saycred....not bin in there five minits an the paps were on me like rash....werd had spread I was workin there....

The boyz said i shud av some time off mixin wiv the customers....i was at the end of me tether...so I was put on domestic dewties...aka bog cleanin...I could feel meself goin faint...

I managed a few sweeps of the mop then staggered over to the cownter before keelin over....I'd done 20 minits work wivout a break wat did they expect?? Dean was on hand to revive me wiv a wiff of Lambrini.....

It was very trormatic....I regained conshusness for a little bit....then they announced it was openin time.......................................that was too much.....................

Yer never know...thay mite ask me back during the busy days over christmas period.....but one good thing came out of it....thay asked me to do a night with Beverly Macca in February...so every clowd has a silver linin.........so get 22nd Feb 2013 in yer diarys....here's the details.... 

For more details on the evening or about Gourmet Coffee visit their page -

https://www.facebook.com/GourmetCoffeeUK?ref=ts&fref=ts 

Don't forget the bumper 88 page December edition of Lifestyle Monthly is out now Bev's bits on page 58

http://issuu.com/mandap4nda/docs/lifestylemonthly.co.uk 

Some great news on Katy Holmes trust...Russell Watson has come onboard as a patron and Jeff Banks is to join Dave Holmes doing the big bike ride next year!...**BREAKING** Catch Paula and Dave Holmes on BBC Breakfast at 07.40am Monday 10th December talking about brain tumour research......don't forget to visit the website for more details....

www.katyholmestrust.co.uk

Right....I'm sinin off for now! Lotsa love...

Bev xxxx

 











 

Yer 'Shoos' yer loose...

How do!...well firstly a massive thank you for all yer support an readin me borin mundayne life her on me diary...we wizzed thru the 80000 mark this week...now those who are regulars know my shoos are me life...Timmy Shoos that is...I will never be able to afford the real Jimmy Choo's so Pat Pong Pete keeps me in copies...well it would appear that via the soshal meedia sites more an more people know about me shoos...Slebritys even...now I've ad a few insidenses resentlee where some Slebs have had the front to acktually nick me shoos...Egzibit A - 

A certain Coleen Nolan...if you don't remember the story I nipped into the Empire theatre for a wee, sat in me kewbikle and kicked off me Timmy...next minute I hear someone come in an trumpin to the choon of 'I'm in the mood for dancin'...never gave it a thort till a hand came under me kewbikle full of Elizabeth Duke soverigns an nicked me shoo...I wizzed out an there she was bold as brass posin for publicity shots for her panto Cinderella...seems they lost the glass slipper...oh it doesn't stop there...Egzibit B -

Thoze of you familiar with Radio City in Liverpool mite recognize these 2...no it's not a Jinger Brad Pitt n Baby Bunton Spice...it's Juicy Jay Hind n Claire Simmo...part of the breakfast possy...I was avin a fish pedicure in Cheshire Oaks lately an they thort it funny to nab me shoo for a foto shoot...why? Hav they never seen a 8' stiletto in a size 14 extra wide fit? Egzibit C - 

You mite recognise this bewtiful laydee...sheez scotch an is a voice coach on TV...Yvie Burnett...voice of an angel mouth like a sewer! She found them an was heard sayin *scotch acksent* 'Ach, wha tha f*ck och these wee bastards* Her lovely husband Gordon gave them back in the end...he had stretched them a bit tho.... Egzibit D - 

Two werds...Bang Tidy!...can you beleev that Keith Lemon was the latest one to take a shine to me Timmys...he was just ded blaytent...pushed me down the stairs at Waterstones an while I'm bein helped to me feet by the jesus sandle wearin assistant he nips away an sayz he wants to do a sex wee in it.....So...what is the attrackshon to me Shoos? is it like a secksual sent that drives them all mad?...wonder who will be next...

Now yerz know I don't do anythin politycal...but i waz ded ded disappointed about the vote this week to say no to laydee bishops...i was gonna take a career brake from Pound Paradise an av a bit of relijus refleckshon an lots of free wine n bread...ah well...it's the cherches loss...take care all me lovely Bevettes...Be sure to choon in to me radio bits and pick up yer Lifestyle Magazine for me monthly column...Oh...and don't forget me JustGiving page for the wonderful Katy Holmes trust!... xxxx

www.justgiving.com/beverlymacca

JustGiving...

Hello hello...hope yerz all well...just wanted to let you know a little something I'm doing for the charity I'm part of www.katyholmestrust.co.uk For those who don't know Katy passed away in January aged 10 from a brain tumour...Katy's parents Dave and Paula contacted me to say through my antics I'd helped make them smile and laugh again which was lovely. Better still they asked if I would be on their team as Ambassador of laughter...something I was more than honoured to accept...I have had the pleaseure of doing a few things for the charity along with our wonderful evening - An Evening With Beverly Macca which raised over £1400...here's a glimpse of that night - 

Following on from that Katy's dad Dave is doing the Johnny Groats to Lands End bike ride next August...I am going to do the Lancashire leg on my Bevmobile...I would've done the whole thing but me battree wouldn't last out...so I'd like to ask for some sponsors if I may...it doesn't matter how little, every donation will help....thank you so much guys and gals for your support...espeshally you guys who read me sekrit diary...we are nearing 80000 now...anyways here's me JustGiving page...

www.justgiving.com/beverlymacca 

Rushed off me Cankles...Update...

Ello garjus folks...long time no entree in me diary...I've bin rushed off me cankles...wat with shifts at Pound Paradise...intimasees wiv gentleman callers, column ritin for Lifestyle monthly mag an of course me radio...just got in now...i do a weekly slot about Soap news and Entertaynment with Adam Siddorn on 92.1FM or live online at www.7waves.co.uk choon in on Fridees between 1-2pm...they always say its like a bomb site when I've bin in...today me intimayte wear was a bit damp...so I used them teknikal thingies to hang it off an dry...great show today...

Little treat for me tea tonite...bit of tripe...i've bin ecksperimentin lately...love it in vinegar...also bin tryin fresh seafood too rather than me usual prawn rings...found these...

thay look like them witchety grubs thay eat on that Celebrity Jungle...i hate the thort of things poppin lickwid in me mouth...well...some things...but these are like king prawns...love them and good on me diet too...tryin to drop a dress size for crimbo...get down to a size 4!...gonna do me Tighter Life diet too....

Had a little scare resently...thort I'd lost me Peppa Pig...i was devastayted...looked everywhere...then I found her hangin out of me Klunge...good job she didn't fall in...me Klunge is powerful...got meself a new Peppa Pig doovay set too as a little treat...love me Peppa...

tret meself to a bit of a tutch up too lately...no not that sort of tutch up...me hair...I've ditched Sharm El Sharon's salon Tu Tan Cum In...she's OK for a spray tan but shite wiv hair...still rumers her kwalifikayshons are fakes...found a lovely salon called Malcolm Oliver Hair...its not far from home on the Wirral...lovely Karen sorted me out wiv a rite posh barnet...she even put a Ga Ga Bow in it too...had a bit of a problem at the back wash...i'd ad a few brinis...so sue me...she wasn't impressed...she left me under the dryer for about 4hrs...i think she wanted me out the way...me hed was smokin wen I came out...

I was ded impressed wiv the finished product tho...eat yer hart out Ga Ga...little sekrit...I'm thinkin of goin blonde...Karen has given me a consa, konsel, conselt... talkin to about it... I think I'm gonna do it... me Twitter family n Facebook family are all for it....watch this space...here's the finished bow.... thank you Karen... 

ded posh in there...i was treated to a basket of pork scratchins an sum French wine...no fizz in it...not quite Lambrini but I was polite an drank the 4 bottles anyway...i'm good like that...washed it down with me Lambrini I'd tooked wiv me...

Lovely family kristenin resently...great day...it was at the rugby club...sweet baby yazu the thys on them rugby blokes...I couldn't keep me eye on the buffay...ad a few try it on...i do konfess to havin a little bit too much to drink...at one point I was tryin to kop off with Elmo...I just thort it was some hairy bloke wiv a thyroyd problem lookin at his bulgin eyes...i woz gonna offer him some of me Thyroxeen tablets...I have a slite thyrood problem too...I was taken home at that point....

Well I've seen the koka kola lorry on telly so as it says Holidays are comin...dunno why thay call it holidays...its christmas...i went to a local cristmas tree lite up...was hopin for some free food an a few bevvies...no such luck...but i managed to wangle me way into the VIP tent by speekin Welsh n singin (they just said go straight thru Ms Jenkins, Katherine) then in front of me was a vision in red....Emma Baby Spiced Bunton...I woz amazed...she was with a Jinger Brad Pitt lookalike...I was sent...thay even nabbed me Timmy Shoo for a foto...was gonna ask her to sing but she sounded a bit hoarse as it woz...no sign of the other spices...but I saw a picture of Mel scary B spice resently..that bleedin Jenny Craig hasnt bin kind to her...look she's let herself go... Scary she is 

I met anuther lovely laydee at the cristmas do...shes a great singer and trains peoples voices too...she was on telly programmes with singers like The Voice an others...she was ded nice...sheez scotch tho...cudnt understand much of wat she said but her husband was Inglish...he did some translaytin for me...i think he was attracted by the smell of me Far La...Yvie had one eye on the Vol O Vonts n one eye on me and her fella...lots of wimin are like that...she looked garjus close up...she's shoe mad so asked if she could hav a try of me Timmy Shoos...here she is...Thank you Yvie Burnett for bein ded nice to me...is that number at the end of your fellas mobile number a 6 or a 8?....couldnt read his ritin...

Right...that's youz lot up to date wiv me life so far...karnt beleev this diary is not far off 80000...thanks guys...keep in tutch...remember I'm on Twitter an Facebook...lotsa love...it's friday nite so I'm off for a few bevvies with me gays...XXXX

**UPDATE**

 Thanks to the lovely @lookatyouvideo for this 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CzArq1dor4&feature=youtu.be 

 

 

Like a slimmer Kate Moss...

 

Hiya...how yerz doin?...bizzy old week this week an worst thing was me Cunto was out of akshon...(Corsa/Punto cut and shut)...left it with Mike and the Mechanic to sort out...i've had to use public transport witch has bin an eye opener...i did av a trip down memree layne this week wen I got on a duble decker...took me back to me yooth...I had to go upstairs...and for a moment I was taken back...the sounds, the smells...but somethin was missin...then I realised it was Stephen Millingtons had down me...bra...you thort I woz gonna say nickers didn't you!!! Nah...that was Trevor Jones territory...happy days...here's the pic from top deck of the bus...managed a few shifts at Pound Paradise...our Xmas catalog is out already...same ald tat...I even spotted me dream kitchen in Tescos...puttin it on me Christmas list...

highlite of me week was me invite to Liverpool Fashon week by Ms Manda Moss...me boss from Lifestyle magazine...well as soon as I walked in to the Hilton Hotel i felt like I'd arrived...there facin me was the reason for livin...Lambrini...

I could see people lookin and wisperin about me...coz of me glue ear I can lip read...some saying 'it's Katherine Jenkins' others sayin 'hasn't Kate Moss lost wayt'...I'm used to it now I don't let it bother me...as we went thru to the show area I was greeted by Mandas husband who said somethin like 'you look even flatter in real life' me Gay wound me up an said he said 'fatter' as if!...then like Norma Dezmond I was back up were I belongd...amongst the bewtiful peeple an with the spotlight on me...wasn't long before peeple were pointin coz they had copies of Lifestyle Magazine on there seats an they was reeding me column...then I got the call...'come back stage'...well as soon as i went thru the doors I knew how Samantha Brick (silent P) felt...a lot of the models took one look at me an there backs were up...who can blame them...the male models were round me like flies...mainly to try me Timmy Shoos on!...funny that...but prob an excuse to get close to a real woman...one thing that did fasinayte me was the woman who did tricks with her hoop...not the sort of tricks I do with mine but eye openin all the same...quite a few fellas couldn't take their eyes off her hoop...very talented...

Well there I am goin thru me routine in me head...goin back to me modellin days for Dirty Bob Smith at the Caravan park in Talaker...an I can hear some screachin voice...Beverly Macca, Bev, Bev....next thing I look round an theres a rather rotund lookin Abbey Clancey...she's piled it on...I nearly didn't recognise her...she wanted her pickture taken with me...I couldn't say no...prob showed her up a bit bein next to me...she looks huge compared to me...I could smell sossige rolls...say no more...I'm on the right incase you wondered...

 I had to stuff a pastie in her mouth to stop her chattin....about herself....I was due on stage any minute for my own show...the 3Ls....I was promotin the Macca Mantra....Leggins, Lycra n Lambrini....it was a struggle at first gettin past the larger models on the catwalk, but I was up...I could feel the lights on me Le J'aundice self tan...the crowds went wild...I used the LFW bag as an acksessory for me Lambrini bottle...

Then I was off up the side bit to flash me nancy at the rest of the room...I could here people shouting...but with me glue ear I couldn't hear proplee...one guy shouted 'Singer'...I shouted no, not tonight...model...me gay said he shouted 'Minger' he is so funny...as if...

Then it was time for me close up...PP posh powt...i did it with attichewd...I could hear folk sayin how if they hadn't smelt me Far La they would have thought it was Kate Moss before slimmin world...

And as quickly as me nite had come it was over...I think I'm in 'Have a rest' magazine next week...I'll keep yer posted...talkin of magazines don't forget to pick up your copy of Lifestyle Monthly or read it online...full of wonderful features and my own column...here's the link...

http://www.lifestylemonthly.co.uk/

And a big Thank you to NG Photography for my catwalk pics

http://www.nicolegardinerphotography.com/