50.000 smackers...or hits...

OMG! whood've thort it...sat in me box room on me old lap top writin about me ded borin life eatin a prawn ring pot noodle n avin a glass of me fave Lambrini...just 1 follower on Twitter 2 frends on Facebook an no Logsite to web onto...jump forward to now an sweet baby yazu i'm gobsmacked... over 50,000 smacks or hits on me secret diary...loads of frends/Bevettes on Facebook and nearly 1400 followers on Twitter...not to menshon me own Logsite for yerz to Web onto...I just wanna say a massive thanks for all yer followins frendships n support...i'll say it agen I'm ded soz me life is so borin n uneventful...i'm all mod cons now wiv a new lap top...here's me old one...

  

i'm even Androyd now too...had a crackin day in werk on Saturday...Fat Sue wiv the smart car was off so it waz a good laff...i woz doin the instore muzik so it was Black Lace all the way wiv a bit of Russ Abbott to add to the mix...mite do a bit of DJayin on me days off...it woz the lornch of another Pound Paradise product the Booze Bag...they were gon in an hour...i bort most of them for me gays...its made satdee nites much cheaper...talkin of satdee...they were kewin out the door for the new Booze Bag...plus thay new I woz back on promoshons...I still get them askin to sniff me Far La...months after it was launched...here's the Booze Bag...

 

Spent Satdee afternoon  watchin Glee on Sky plus wiv me gays an fillin up our Booze Bags...then it woz time to partaaaay! I woz taken up the Wong-Un for a change...that's two Chineeze take aways in our villige now...now those who now me will now I suffer from a very rare illness called 'Canklelimpitis' i think i'm the only nown case...I get swollen ankles an a limp when i'm on me munthlees...well the curse is here an I cudn't get into me Timmy Shoos...I went to see old Winnie Wong-Wei from the other takeaway an she showed me how to bind me feet so i managed to get me Timmys on....look its amayzin...

I remember up to a sertain point...doin the bump...Oops upside yer hed...an conga to Rene n Renata's save your love for me...then it woz a blur...i woke up on a memorial bench wiv a lovely man in uniform lookin down on me...I fell in love wiv Mike Over...I've searched everywhere on FB Twitter for him...my nite in shinin armur...he drove me home...i think i woz gettin on his nerves coz i kept askin wat his name was...then his workee torkee would go and heed shout MIKE OVER...I'll keep lookin for him...he left a doctor hoo sock at my place...it's like Sinderella in reverse...i'll leave yerz wiv this pic of me gettin into Mike's car...laterz...an thanks again... XXXX

 

**BREAKING NEWS**

How ecksitin is this...just got an email from Pound Paradise hed offise while doin me blog tellin me of a new product you are ferst to know...i rekon these are gonna be a big hig...lets face it who duzn't suffer PCRS after a curry? Post Curry Ring Sting...so come on down and try my Ring Of Fire wet wipes...

who is saynt jorge...

This is a messige to all me haters...its an important messige too coz i get it all the time...its a kurse i have to live with an its not easy...some say i get me looks from me berth mum Vanessa Feltz...but as the poster says...don't hate me...

Well had a lezurlee week in werk last week...managed a few hours...still not a 100% but i'm gettin there...slowly...an fat sue with the smart car aint happy...but she cant tutch me coz i'm under the DDA...she is still not happy coz we are allowed to hav our mobile fones with us on the till...as i keep sayin its me sivil rite...peeple power an the union rule...Saturday nite was a goodun...it was to selebrayte Saint George...i was so ecksited coz i thort the tribewt was gonna be there...not a sign of him...an thay only played one song Careless Whisper of saint Georges all nite...I nearly didnt get in...its a new bowncer on the door an he didnt now me...so he said...but it waznt long before he had us waved thru an into the VIP area...just one werd.... Zzzzip!...he woz ded polite an sed thank you, turned out he woz Bobby Goldtop the milmans son...we went Tai insted of Chineeeze...it was lovely...but I had a mishap...i had a tai curry...went to the loo an scratched me nancy...mustve ad a bit of chilli on me acrylics...me Nancy was on fire...i had to pour a bottle of evian down me drawers...wat a waste...

as the song goes...'i had the time of me life'...thursday nite...it was Glee nite...i unplug me fone...blow up me Darren Criss an bop away...baby yazu me fanny woz bitin me leg off...all me fave choons n garjus men...i got a bit carried away...I stood on Darren with me Timmy Shoo...next thing i now i'm chasin him round me lounge hissin like a rattle snayke...gutted...i've taped him up for now...roll on next thursday...i just now Darren will love me...as Saint Mikeal of the Buble sang 'He just hasn't met me yet'...

Well another sunny day another few sherries up at the wonderful Gusto Heswall...i woz avin a Audree Roberts day.....or woz it Audree Hepbern...well she woz ded glam i remember seein her with a scarf on all the time...i sat on the terris an as usual the lovely team at Gusto tret me like a laydee...thay said i always add a tutch of glamur to the playce...i woz presented with a bunch of flowers from the lovely Laura Jane...i woz tooted by passers by on busses n bikes...agen its me natchural bewty...i made there days by wavin back...giv giv giv...I also met a lovely layde called Liah...she woz tryin to flog me some Cupcakes...didnt take much sellin...thay were bleedin garjus...you should av a look on her Facebook page 'Custom Cupcakes'...better than them Crusty Cream donuts...anywayz..must dash...gotta av a foot spar coz i've sprayed me feet with me hair lacker instead of me Athleets foot spray...feel like i've got a club foot...I'll leave yerz with a cuple more pics from Gusto Heswall...the place to be seen...fabulous food, ambulance and staff...laterz...

                                  Top - Liah from Custom Cupcakes. Bottom is Laura Jane Gusto
  

just a normal ish week...

Well woz back to werk wiv a bang...as i sed im on a fazed return coz of me Canklelimpitis...doin an hour a day at Pound Paradise...as i sed by the time i faff wiv me uniform an av a natter i'm only in for about 30 minits...fat Sue wiv the smart car is ragin i can tell...i was bizzy this weekend in me garden...well i say garden it's a window box but it duznt arf take it out of me...i broke a nail too so i went sick for Monday...alot of yerz are askin me about Saturday nite...well i had a bit of a kwiet one...opened a few 5 liter boxes of me finest an went on me daytin site...the rest is a blur...woke up on the sunday mornin an i felt like Doris Day...i was tucked up under me Peppa Pig doovay...Tites intactus an me clothes were fowlded nicely...went to have a shower an heard a noise downstairs...well i turned into Sugar Ray an had to restle this out me living room...bleedin hoof marks on me laminayted floor...

I didnt ask any kwestions...nosey nayborhood watch was out washin his Mondayo...nearly swallowed his shammy when he saw me pushin Shergar and Fred West out me house...as i sed it was all a blur thank the baby yazu...then came Monday...

i made the painful and diffikult deesizion to not go into werk with me broken nail an feelin of knackerdness...so i booked meself into Sharm El Sharon's salon Tu Tan Cum In...she was advertisin her all new all singin an dancin fish peddycure...wat a load of ald shite...got there an she said 'sorry my new ekwipment has bin delayed'...next thing i've got me foot dippin into a bleedin babys potty full of a few skanky goldfish...it was crap...luckily i took me own booze...all was kwiet till last nite...I got a email from hed offis to say Pound Stretcher had annownced thay are openin in Doobi...thay went on to say they are moniterin it an may follow...as seenior promoshons person wud i consider goin over...i nearly shat a love egg...too rite i wud...but then i rememberd things like yer carnt eat bacon buttys an drink...an yer hav to cover yerself up...but i had one of them Ooobyas were yer cover yerself up...here i am in it...so that was me uneventful week to now...i'll leave yer wiv the vision of me in me Ooobya...laterz... 

 

Jesus bunny an choklit...

Hiya...hope yerz all ok an had a great eester...my Jesus Rabbit dumped a great load in my back room...i'm still werkin me way thru it...mind you most of it is that Taiwanese choklit we got in Pound Paradise Yuk-Shi-Tee...not bad if yer eat it wiv crem de menth...didn't make it into werk much last week...me canklelimpitis was playin up...I'm on a fazed return to work...doin 1 hour a day for a few weeks...it's a struggle but i'll do it...Satdee nite was fab...me n me gays had bin on the lash since 2 in the afternoon...we spent the rest of the day injektin cadbrees cream eggs wiv Bailees lick your...big mistayke...i remember havin me tea an gettin to the rice bar...even remember doin the konga to Russ Abbots what an atmosfere...but next thing I new I woke up in a bedsit in Sthellins...next to me was a bloke covered in choklit harf naked harf bunny rabbit...i made me exkewsis and got outta there...he asked if I fancied a stick of choklit rock for brekfast!...luckilee I got a lift from one of me Eddy Stowbart mates...didnt want payin...just asked to lick the choklit off me back...carnt hav bin that nice coz me back is peelin a bit from sunburn last week...

Well anuther product hits Pound Paradise an i'm seeniur promoshons so i get to flog it...introdewsin Loo-Pee...its Korean wine...i got harf Twunted on it this mornin...had to leave me Cunto (Corsa/Punto) at werk...harf the OAP's had to be carried out via Saint Jons Ambalance coz thay were tryin the samples...I just filled me mug...its OK but I had to drink it wiv a haribo to take the edge off...but for a pound who cares...cud be me new tipple...rite...carnt stop...but before i go take a look at this...

 Well sumthin i woz tryin to keep kwiet broke yesterday...i woz approwched by Have A Rest magazine to talk about me yoyo wayt an diets...plus me fitness dvd...i did it an the foto shoot...i wont lie an say there waznt a likkle bit of airbrushin...but talk abowt day shar voo...remember Tricia Penrose in my dress at the pound paradise awards...well within minits of this goin live on Facebook an Twitter look wat also came out...

Look closely at the bottom of the cover...Ms Penrose flashin her bits...sheez a long way to go yet till she gets to my size mind...but her people are doin summit to sabby targe me dontcha think...get me 'Dontcha'...I'm like a Pussycat Doll...rite...must dash...need to do a wash an me Loo-Pee needs a refil...laterz...