Lympic flamin Tites...

Hiya...well all the hyp after me raydio intervew has died down...i woz mobbed...even on me till...i'm waitin for the fone call to host the lottery on wendsdee...So...these Lympics hav kicked off...dont i bleedin now it...i set meself up on Fridee nite wiv a few boxes of Lambrini pitched up at Gay Gary's place wiv me gays...i woz sweatin like a pig so i took off me tites...big mistake...i ad them rapped rownd me rist...boys put some Jack flags on me to get in the mood then lit me sparklers...sweet baby yazu I nearly went up like a friggin cathrin weel...it was like someone had lit a match in the blowse sekshon of Primark...me tites got kort on the sparkler an that woz it....thay all thort it was histerikal...well here's the rezult - 

its tort me a valewbel lesson tho....sparklers n primarni tites dont mix...look at the mess...theres a few more wears in them yet so i've Tweeted Heather Mills to see if sheez interested...I'm a slave to me charity work...she must be down to her last zillion pownds now after fleecin Sir Paul of the Makartnee...On a liter note tho me diet is goin well...if yer remember I'm doin Tighter Life...not to be mixed up with Lighter Life were yer pay a bleedin fortchoon to drink a load of shite shakes...I just wear me old clothes that dont fit an get so unkomfortable yer carnt eat...I've got into an old pair of me leggins... I'm made up...look - 

i'm ded made up...i'm lookin like Leena Zaveroni in Leggins...even got into a new skirt...just...me gays dont like the skirt thay say its like a fanny pelmit...never heard of her...must be some posh designer...only lable I wear is drip dry only...sayin that the garjus Mark Heyes from Skotch Lorraine Kellys show is keepin an eye on me fashon...he Tweeted me the other day to say I was so with it...I reckon heez got the horn for me...imagine him as me boyfriend...i'd be even more like a supermodel than I am now...

i woz doin some charity work the other day...yer know I help the ald ladys who work at the charity shops...I go thru the bags on the steps so theres not as much for them to do when they get in in the mornin...I looked up an saw this...i was sent back to me childhood dreamin of bein Lady Prinsess Diana of the Hearts...i cudnt help but wonder if i'll ever find Mr rite...i can dream carnt I...rite I'm off to nosey nayborhood watch mans house for me roast dinner...I did me window in me nickers and bra as usual an he was out washin his Vulva on the drive...he was over like a shot...Lamb again I hope...i like to tease him wiv me Lamb bone trick...he's praktikally bangin his nob on the formica...catch yerz all later....enjoy the Lympics...remember to keep yer tites away from sparklers.... xxxx

 can't leave this entree wivout menshonin some of me loyal Bevettes...Hellie, Helen, Stacey and Becky...all got together to have a Lympic swaray...an I missed it...was doin me komunitee service...these girls have bin a great support an do a grate job...thanks gerls...luv yerz all...check out the number plate - 

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                                      *********** Happy Lympics 2012***********

Radio killed the video star...

Hiya...how's yer all doin...ded soz like for not bein on for a while...bin a bit bizzy...its all gone a bit menkal lately...but can i just say...summer is here...i've not ad me tites or bra on for a cuple of days...was out at me gays the other nite avin a shant on his deck DECK i said...good job i'm not Scotch...hole diffrent meanin...we woz talkin about life...i rekon i'm kwite happy wiv mine to be onest...talkin of that early hours of this mornin i wake up me n me Charlie sweatin like a pig so I gets up to open the window...i'm pressed up against me window me nellys n Lulu flat agenst the glass then BOOM! Nosey nayborhood watch mans sekurity light comes on...lites me up like bill board...with that me chair slips n i'm left hangin...every bugger looks out there windows an up at my upvc...the shame of it...I'll deffo be gettin an invite for sundee lunch this week...

Pat Pong Pete is just back from Tie Land...another girlfrend on his arm who 'Loves him Long Tine'...i've lost track of them now...but he brort some crackin copy stuff back...best of all me RANX...don't pay SPANX prices...these are just as good...I even had a tweet from me garjus man off Lorraine Kellys show Mark Heyes...he's me private adviser on fashon...he sujests i vajazzle the front but I'm worried about losin a diamond up me hoop...mite just sow me inishals in the gusset...got me sum DVD's too...no Timmy Shoos at the mo....cud do wiv some new ones...

Get me...bet yer all thort that woz Katherin Jenkins didn't yer...easy mistake...well that laydees n jentlman is me arrivin at a radio stayshon...7waves radio 92.1FM...me at a radio stayshon...last time i was at one waz to get Pete Price from Radio City to sine me bra for me...the reason i was there was to be intervewed...me intervewed...apparantlee un be nown to me peeple hav bin askin kwestions about me n me borin life...so Adam Siddorn aka Big Sid aka Mr 12' asked me in for a chat...well i didnt now wat to do...then me PR peeple aka me Gays said do it...mite get a fella from it... so I did...an here is Big Sid with me - 

we ad a crakin chat an a laff...the stewdio woz ded posh...i'd bin talkin to Adam on Facey and Twitter an thort he had a cassette recorder in his bedroom an was gonn try an fiddle with me...sweet baby yazu how rong waz I...it was a ded posh big stewdio...i nearly shat a love egg... I was fotografed at the resepshon with all the diffrent peeps...then taken thru to the main stewdio...made my walkman look ded old fashoned...an off we went...i woz nervus at ferst then once I woz lubed up with a bit of nectar I woz off...here is the finished product my first interview - 

Hope yerz liked it...i've bin asked to do some voiceovers for the X channel...i'll think about it...i woz akosted by sum bloke called Geoff Morris...or Mr Drivetime...wudn't leave me or me Far La alone...nice enuff guy but them hands were a wandrin...he's been playin wiv me Jingles too...so here I am now...a radio star...no more the video star....sayin that got some great new pics n vids coming...stay chooned...

Right...off for a wee nite cap...hope yerz all well an enjoyin the wether...me back is peelin like a bugger...been using me Ped Egg on it...talk about a 101 uses for a Ped Egg...I do me feet, me cheese for me pasta bake an now me skin peel after a day in the sun...I'll catch yerz later... big hugs....xxxx 
 

Summer lovin had me up late...

As the song from Greese goes...summer lovin had me up late...got an invite to Kevin Kawasakis the other nite for me tea...hadnt seen him for a while...i was feelin like a bit of intimasees too so hiz timin was spot on...i fabreezed me leggins an rinsed me tites...popped sum cream on me athleets foot an i woz hot to trot...well he opens the door an bugger me he's still got his motorbike hat on...turns out that cold sore he had every time i'd seen him before had come back...so I kissed him pashonatelee on his smooth helmet in his porch...then we went in...i woz ravenus so he started cookin...we got talkin about that film were thay have sex while cookin....well that was it...i woz bra less n titeless in seconds...then he asked me 'can I toss me Wok on yer belly'....well i am kwite adventurus wen it comes to intimasees so i thort what the hell....then i tutched his long firm pepper mill as he sprinkled the seeds over me...sweet baby yazu...who needs 50 shades of gray...i'm gettin the orn ritin this...well we couldn't remember the name of the fillum so we called it 3 and a harf minits...he reckoned he couldn't have lasted the full 9 and a harf...it all ended in tears coz he left a big red ring on me belly...

As you know i'm kwite a fan of Twitter an follow a few well nown names...one of witch is that Red ed spice...Gerry Holliwell...i ave to say i dont think sheez the full euro yer now...the object of Twitter is to tweet ie type...soft arse takes piktures of her notes sheez written...I tried it but the most ecksitin note I could come up wiv was me shoppin list...it wasnt as flash as hers...well she took the biskit the other day...puts a pickchur up of her scrawny twig leg wiv ritin all over it...but yer shud've seen the hairs on her legs...all that money yerd think she could afford a wax...so i copied her pic...my boots wern't as posh as hers...i've unfollowed her now...she woz doin me hed in...I did Tweet her the link to Sharm El Sharons salon Tu Tan Cum in for a cheap wax.....

sun was out...so i thort i'd try me new Jewbilee flip flops from Shoemarket in Birkenhead... they're sellin them off cheap...but I've lost me Flip....so I've only got Flop Flops....that new cream for me athleets foot is so thick on me heels yer carnt hear me Flip flops flip....only flop....are yerz with me? i've bin asked back for a second ordishon to be 'Foot of Shoemarket'....carnt wait...reckon i'll get it this time coz me fake tan haznt streaked...i'm up agenst a few local slebs but I'll giv it a go...

well get me agen...if i'm not hob nobbin wiv slebs like Loose Women (Baggy Birds) dependin whooz on...then I'm being menshoned on This Morning by Saint Eamonn of the Holmes...well i waz called upon to do a bit of promoshon werk for local biznessess...the lovely Nick at Flavours in Hoylake had very kindly got me a few bottles of Lambrini in an chilled them down...so off i went...i woz mobbed in the streets...some said it was 'Maccamania'...then to top it all the lovely Dame Esther of the Mcvey text me an sed she'd come an join me for a Bevvie...we ad a ball...she waz showin me her new tankini from Primark...i dared her to wear it in the Towers of Parlyment were she works...watch the bench this week an see if yer can see a Labia Lilac Tankini just behind Dava Cameron...that'll be Esther...sheez gonna help me get into pollytics one day...i've started a kampayn to bring back Solitaire clothin in Liverpool...i miss it an how all the rails would spark as you flicked thru the blowses...between you an me Esther said it waz like losin her Catalog wen solitaire closed down...anyway...I agress as the posh say...sheez so lovely an laydee like she was gone after about 4 bottles so I piled her in the back of me Cunto (Corsa/Punto cut and shut) and dropped her off home...Mr Mcvey waznt too pleased when I pulled up...I threw Esther in the Climatus an legged it...hope sheez OK today I've still got her Pop socks in the glove kompartment...I nipped home to ave summit to eat to soak up the booze after that...

Nothin better than a nice tin of Peppa Pig askgetti to soak it up...then i met up wiv me mates for a few bevvies in the Ship Inn in Hoylake...I stopped traffik walkin down the high street...all the blokes were ded nice....beepin there horns...the lot...i got lots of nasty looks as uzual from jellus girlfrends...i'll say it AGEN...I carnt help me bewty...the highlight as I got to the pub was bein serenayded in...all these blokes were singin to me...it woz ded romantik...it was an old song from the charts....'Who let the dogs out'.....i was chuffed...here's me n me mates in the beer garden...

Well after all that i had to meet up wiv me gays for me uzuwal Satdee nite of fun...well i didn't last long...the gays were teasin me all nite...gettin the DJ to play songs then make there own words up....one of them was 'Saddle up an ride yer pony'....thay woz sayin i woz like a horse....then thay asked him to play a song called Wide Eyed and Leggless....but thay have there vershon for me... 'Wide Legged and Titeless'.....i do love em tho really...we ad a ball....but as per I think i woz rowhipnolled...me mind is blank...i woz detirmined not to kip in the semetree agen...i woz fed up of wakin up covered in snail trails all up me leggins...didnt expect to wake up were i did..........

This my dear frends is the K9000 doggy jet wash....one of the first up here on the Wirral...but not made for delicayte soles like me and Katherine Jenkins...I woz woked up with a blast of freezin cold likwid in me gob...an a doggy dryer up me hoop...i woz drenched...did av a good nites kip tho....so thanks to Trendy Pooches for a comfy nite....that was me...i'm sat home now watchin a Peppa Pig dvd i've never seen before...it's a bit dark really.... 'Peppa's Sunday Hog Roast'....I'm abowt to turn it off...i don't like wats comin....take care everyone...bizzy week agen this week on promoshons at Pound Paradise...I'll leave you with my kontribewshon to savin the earth an bein Echo frendly....kwite appropriate really havin bin minglin wiv an MP.....Laterz....be safe... xx