Summer lovin had me up late...

As the song from Greese goes...summer lovin had me up late...got an invite to Kevin Kawasakis the other nite for me tea...hadnt seen him for a while...i was feelin like a bit of intimasees too so hiz timin was spot on...i fabreezed me leggins an rinsed me tites...popped sum cream on me athleets foot an i woz hot to trot...well he opens the door an bugger me he's still got his motorbike hat on...turns out that cold sore he had every time i'd seen him before had come back...so I kissed him pashonatelee on his smooth helmet in his porch...then we went in...i woz ravenus so he started cookin...we got talkin about that film were thay have sex while cookin....well that was it...i woz bra less n titeless in seconds...then he asked me 'can I toss me Wok on yer belly'....well i am kwite adventurus wen it comes to intimasees so i thort what the hell....then i tutched his long firm pepper mill as he sprinkled the seeds over me...sweet baby yazu...who needs 50 shades of gray...i'm gettin the orn ritin this...well we couldn't remember the name of the fillum so we called it 3 and a harf minits...he reckoned he couldn't have lasted the full 9 and a harf...it all ended in tears coz he left a big red ring on me belly...

As you know i'm kwite a fan of Twitter an follow a few well nown names...one of witch is that Red ed spice...Gerry Holliwell...i ave to say i dont think sheez the full euro yer now...the object of Twitter is to tweet ie type...soft arse takes piktures of her notes sheez written...I tried it but the most ecksitin note I could come up wiv was me shoppin list...it wasnt as flash as hers...well she took the biskit the other day...puts a pickchur up of her scrawny twig leg wiv ritin all over it...but yer shud've seen the hairs on her legs...all that money yerd think she could afford a wax...so i copied her pic...my boots wern't as posh as hers...i've unfollowed her now...she woz doin me hed in...I did Tweet her the link to Sharm El Sharons salon Tu Tan Cum in for a cheap wax.....

sun was out...so i thort i'd try me new Jewbilee flip flops from Shoemarket in Birkenhead... they're sellin them off cheap...but I've lost me Flip....so I've only got Flop Flops....that new cream for me athleets foot is so thick on me heels yer carnt hear me Flip flops flip....only flop....are yerz with me? i've bin asked back for a second ordishon to be 'Foot of Shoemarket'....carnt wait...reckon i'll get it this time coz me fake tan haznt streaked...i'm up agenst a few local slebs but I'll giv it a go...

well get me agen...if i'm not hob nobbin wiv slebs like Loose Women (Baggy Birds) dependin whooz on...then I'm being menshoned on This Morning by Saint Eamonn of the Holmes...well i waz called upon to do a bit of promoshon werk for local biznessess...the lovely Nick at Flavours in Hoylake had very kindly got me a few bottles of Lambrini in an chilled them down...so off i went...i woz mobbed in the streets...some said it was 'Maccamania'...then to top it all the lovely Dame Esther of the Mcvey text me an sed she'd come an join me for a Bevvie...we ad a ball...she waz showin me her new tankini from Primark...i dared her to wear it in the Towers of Parlyment were she works...watch the bench this week an see if yer can see a Labia Lilac Tankini just behind Dava Cameron...that'll be Esther...sheez gonna help me get into pollytics one day...i've started a kampayn to bring back Solitaire clothin in Liverpool...i miss it an how all the rails would spark as you flicked thru the blowses...between you an me Esther said it waz like losin her Catalog wen solitaire closed down...anyway...I agress as the posh say...sheez so lovely an laydee like she was gone after about 4 bottles so I piled her in the back of me Cunto (Corsa/Punto cut and shut) and dropped her off home...Mr Mcvey waznt too pleased when I pulled up...I threw Esther in the Climatus an legged it...hope sheez OK today I've still got her Pop socks in the glove kompartment...I nipped home to ave summit to eat to soak up the booze after that...

Nothin better than a nice tin of Peppa Pig askgetti to soak it up...then i met up wiv me mates for a few bevvies in the Ship Inn in Hoylake...I stopped traffik walkin down the high street...all the blokes were ded nice....beepin there horns...the lot...i got lots of nasty looks as uzual from jellus girlfrends...i'll say it AGEN...I carnt help me bewty...the highlight as I got to the pub was bein serenayded in...all these blokes were singin to me...it woz ded romantik...it was an old song from the charts....'Who let the dogs out'.....i was chuffed...here's me n me mates in the beer garden...

Well after all that i had to meet up wiv me gays for me uzuwal Satdee nite of fun...well i didn't last long...the gays were teasin me all nite...gettin the DJ to play songs then make there own words up....one of them was 'Saddle up an ride yer pony'....thay woz sayin i woz like a horse....then thay asked him to play a song called Wide Eyed and Leggless....but thay have there vershon for me... 'Wide Legged and Titeless'.....i do love em tho really...we ad a ball....but as per I think i woz rowhipnolled...me mind is blank...i woz detirmined not to kip in the semetree agen...i woz fed up of wakin up covered in snail trails all up me leggins...didnt expect to wake up were i did..........

This my dear frends is the K9000 doggy jet wash....one of the first up here on the Wirral...but not made for delicayte soles like me and Katherine Jenkins...I woz woked up with a blast of freezin cold likwid in me gob...an a doggy dryer up me hoop...i woz drenched...did av a good nites kip tho....so thanks to Trendy Pooches for a comfy nite....that was me...i'm sat home now watchin a Peppa Pig dvd i've never seen before...it's a bit dark really.... 'Peppa's Sunday Hog Roast'....I'm abowt to turn it off...i don't like wats comin....take care everyone...bizzy week agen this week on promoshons at Pound Paradise...I'll leave you with my kontribewshon to savin the earth an bein Echo frendly....kwite appropriate really havin bin minglin wiv an MP.....Laterz....be safe... xx