All Saints vs Latter day Saints...

Hiya...how are yerz all...wat a week i've add...book lornches...selebritee followers on Twitter...hearing aid hilaritee...oh an a likkle insident wiv two hunks of spunk who came nockin on me back door...OK...so I'd ad a little drink...so Soo me...i woz unwindin after a hard day in Paradise...the shop...not the Rhyl Sun Center...i woznt goin to anser it coz i thort it waz nosey nayborhood watch man...oh boy am i glad i did...stood there woz two visions...like models from them gay films - Belemberg or watever its called...then thay asked the kwestyon that wud get anyone in thru my back door....'Can we talk to you about the All Saints'....Well jump ahead harf an hour an there i am in me skimpiest skimpiest bakini pole dansin round me Vyleeda mop handle to 'Never Ever'...not a flinch...thay just looked ded unkumfortable...so i then tried dazzlin me wiv me 'I know where it's at'...by this poynt i thort thay woz a member of the Homo Lulu club...then I cracked open me box........................they woz gone kwiker than wank....Wink.............i woz only gonna offer them a glass of me finest Lambrini...told me gays about it....turns out coz of me disabilitee 'Glue Ear'....i hadn't heard them proplee...thay had come to talk abou the 'Latter day Saints'....hay ho.....

Well anuther frend called on me this week talkin about me glue ear...Deaf Dave from Asda...poor bugger has bin deaf since a very early age...the poor family avent got a pot to piss in or a window to chuck out of...thay've bin savin to get him a new set of hearin aids for ages...well thay cudnt afford the dee lux model....i nearly popped a love egg wen he walked into the pub the other day...the poor sod...as it woz thay had to open both doors to let him in...heez not the full euro...but then he asks the ultimayte kwestyon...i nearly choked on me Lambrini wen he asks... 'Suttle isnt it...be honest...wud you know i'm wearin hearin aids'........................wat cud i say................Dave if you adnt told me i'd never av nown...god love im...tried to giv im a lift home but cudnt fit the fucker in me Cunto...

Now yerz all now me...i'm not totally up on Pollytiks...i do read the daily star in the Co-op wen i'm in the kew to keep up to date wiv all things politikal...but read abowt that Jimmy Carr an hiz tax fiddles...i woz annoyed...coz i love his show Chatty Man...but wat he did waznt rite...wile i werk hard for me giro an me wages from Pound Paradise...he gets away wiv it...i rekon it woz a publisitee stunt tho coz look...he had a book comin out....

there i woz mindin me own bizness the uther day on me till at Pound Paradise an i get a Twitter alert...my ring tone for alerts is the wonderful 'Atomic Kitten' singin 'Lick me hole again'...i luv that song....well i nearly answered a till bell with shock...the alert woz 'Marcus Collins is now followin you on Twitter'....i ad to nip to the bog to tweet him back...then he comes back sayin 'I've eard all about you' or summit like that...it woz in Skowse so all i cud read waz summit about robbin cars n forgin giros...but i woz ded chuffed...i think heez garjus...like a tanned Justin Beeber!...keep it to yerself but i've got a feelin he followed me for a reason...karnt say too much but i now heez lookin for a new backin singer....keep it to yerselfs...

well how chuffed woz i this week...Gay Gary came round an sed he didnt want his Kindel anymore an wud I like to av it...so i said yes coz i wanted to get that mucky book about the paint sekshon of B&Q...50 Shades of Grey...i'm not kiddin i woz up all nite tryin to get it to werk...yerz now i'm not the most teknikal of peeple...it wudnt connect to next doors wi fi like me fone...i gave up today...i didnt wann hurt Garys feelins so i just put it on Freecycle...'Kindel free to good home' I've ad to turm me fone off....457 texts so far....wish i adnt bothered....

well i cudnt let todays diary entree go by wivout menshonin me dear dear frend an ex Deano Williams...his book The Tearaway hit the shelves an online this week...an flew off as kwik as it arrived...i woz in the forchoonat posishon to get a personal sined copy of the book delivered to me door...just after Bobby Goldtop the milkman had dumped his fresh creem at mine for me serial...well that was it....i cudn't put it down...had to do a sicky for Pound Paradise that day...I even get a menshon in it....he duz use one of them Sue do nims...calls me Ashlee...his lovin partner of years...but i new he ment me....Good luck fella!.....I woz invited to the book lornch but cudnt make it...i woz wiv him in spirit tho....a liter of Crem De Menth...but wat tutched me most of all was to hear he took the time to menshon me an dedikayte a karryokee song to me....Luv ya Deano....Laterz...off for a roast at me gays...thay use serviettes that arnt tisshew....XXXX