Jewbillee n on the Juice...

What a few days i've ad...i now just how her laydeeship the Lady dame Queen Lizzybeth feels...I'm egzorsted...just abowt got the enerjee to type this diary update for yerz...Well...it all started on Friday when I had to do the Birkenhead Olympic Flame run...it woz a grate onor to be asked...they did ask the woman from the Birkenhead Market advert whooz hand point to the Welks in the fish market but she turned it down due to water retenshon...i'm a slave to that curse but it didn't stop me sayin no...i waz picked up by the Yaris layed on for me by the komittee an taken to the start of the root... I went from the derilickt house on Corpie Rd...along past the DSS i lit sum tabs for the family members outside with their Staffies...thru Birkenhead market...set fire to the skip on Borough Rd an finished off in Birkenhead Park...

I nearly popped a love egg wen i saw who thay had layed on to greet me with the flame...it was the bewtifully sucksessful Dame Lady Princess Esther of the Mcvey...she of the Towers of Parliment in Londin...and she had a rather cute couple of bouncers wiv her...one was Boppin Blakeley...known for his Macarayna at counsil do's...slipped me his card...we shared a conversayshon about keepin yer bush trimmed...heez into Hornyculture...Esther was charmin as per...i've always looked up to her coz we are very similar in our careers as power women...I ad to fite to get me Timmy Shoos back off her tho...i was swettin a bit in me fur but it woz worth it...it waz a huge sucksess and I was taken to dinner by the Mayor to Sheila's Meals on Cleveland Street...

Got caught on kamra with the other lovely bouncer handy Andy as heez known to the local gerls...he woz garjus...I offered to show him a real woman but he just froze...he asked if he could touch me trophy...i was just hoistin me skirt up before I realised he meant me Pound Paradise award...ded embarrassin...but Esther covered it up well for me...wat a great day...

Like her Maj i too woz in grate demand this weekend...I was ded kindly invited to Cha Bar to advertise their Jewbillee afternoon tea...wat a lovely place too...the ambulance was ded frendly thanks to Team Julie...thay even had a bottle of chilled Lambrini in for me with me cream tea...that waz a huge sucksess too...so if yer ever on the Wirral an fancy a cuppa or summit stronger get along...you'll be made ded welcome...i waz pestered a bit by the crowds...agen I blame Katherine Jenkins...they were all starin...I know why...they were thinkin it was me...wen she woz singin at the openin of the Ascot races me fone and Facebook went mad...'is that you...didn't know you could sing'....i ad to turn it off in the end...Even Sky newsis Charlotte Hawkins tweeted me to say about the similarity....spooky...then came Sunday...

Jubilee day Sunday...me n Jewbillee Jim hit the road...i kept wiv the nortikal theem an had me lifejacket i nicked as a suveneer on an Air 2Bob flite years ago...had a fab day...me n me gays gatecrashed a few parties...peeple were ded kind an full of jewbillee spirit...so waz i by the end of the nite...i mustve started to walk home...bad move coz its all cuntree lanes that'll lern me coz I woke up as the sun was comin up an was face to face with Babe...

Had a panic too coz i cudnt find me Timmy Shoos...turns out I'd left them at the gays...thank the baby yazu...then came to yesterday...a crackin day...karnt beleev its still goin on...lovin the time off and the booze...I wondered if we get a payment for this Jewbillee thing...yer now like a cold weather payment...I'll check me bank tmoz...went to a ded posh party too that had a pool too...dont remember much about it coz i was a poco Twunted by then...but me Timmy Shoos were soakin today so I mustve ad a dip at some point...so...that's been my last few days... 

Right...got a Jewbillee prawn ring defrosting...must dash...but before I do I'll tell yerz a little sekrit...at the posh party with the pool was a very speshall guest...I nearly popped a pile...it was her Majistee...she was up on a sekrit tour...we ad a ball...she said she cud really let her hair down as the old man was layed up...sadly she had to head off back to Londin to go to church an do some wavin today...she just text me this picture on her '1Phone'....can I ask you all to raise a glass now...stand up and wish this amazing laydee a happy Jewbillee...she is 'Liz the Biz'....laterz...

                                         God save our Queen...from Beverly Macca...