**IMPORTANT NOTICE**
EAMONN HOLMES AND RUTH LEE ARE STILL TOGETHER AND HAPPY.
THIS IS DESPITE PRESS REPORTS LINKING EAMONN TO BEVERLY MACCA.
Hiya...that is a press release bin put out from Casa Holmes-Lee...wat a week i've ad...i'll start wiv the story that has triggerd roomers about me n Saint Eamonn of the Holmes...many who follow me n Eamonn (Amy to me) know he often mentions and RT's me durin his Sunrise show on Sky...it's the Macca Magnet...it's a kurse...I'm like that Samantha Brick (silent P) i did feel for her...wimin hate me coz i'm garjus too...but i keep me leggins up high an carry on...well i take an interest in kurrent affairs an set me alarm to wake up wiv Eamonn on me box...nothin better...I'll often flick while I'm watchin...only in the adverts...I like to see wats happenin on Daybreak an wat Charlotte an Jackie are wearin incase they are copyin me...here's were it begins...
Now i've alot of time for the lovely Ruth Lee...between you n me i think she trys to fashon herself on me which would explain alot...I remember watchin her on me nite shift at 'Lesso' garage sellin
snoods n choklit fountains on the shoppin channel...loved her...she could make you think you really wanted a ship in a bottle with brass effect plack wiv yer name n birthday on it...anyways i agress as the posh say...Amy puts up with a lot with Ruth...some wimin will spend a fortchoon on Y'ves saint luigi bags or Lengtharik perfumes or even Timmy Shoos...not Ruth...it's candles...not any ald Pound Paradise one either...that Joan Malone...dunno if she's relayted to that fat bird wiv the gastric band from Shameless Tina...dun alright if she is...well Casa Holmes-Lee is fit to burst wiv the buggers...Amy said it's like livin wiv an alkaholic...not bottles under the boards but bleedin candles...between you n me she is gettin help for it...the camel that broke the straws back was wen Amy went out in the Volvo n the enjin management lite came on...sheed only stuffed the engine bit wiv the latest 'Peeony n Poppy Powder' candles...438 of the buggers...well on This Mornin they were doin a test to see if yer can tell cheap sossiges from the lips n arseholes sossiges...I thort I'd tweet n ask if Ruth could tell the diffrence between the Joan Malone 'Juniper n Clematis' or the Pound Paradise Cheese n Onion one...well bugger me I was just defrostin a prawn ring with me hairdryer for lunch an like one of them subliminal messiges he says me name he even make me shop Pound Paradise sound secksy 'Poynd Poradoise'...here it is...live on the air...
well I nearly popped a love egg into me prawn ring...me fone went mental...me twitter was Twunted n me Facebook pokes went thru the roof...she was laffin n all that but if yer look closely i can read her mind...she waz ragin...i goes off to work an folk were clockin me name badge an that were it...me supervisor Fat Sue wiv the smart car nearly choked on her piri piri pastie with anger...I woz moved onto Feminin Hi Jean in the end as a punishment...that was that so I thort...next day there i am gettin ready to go to werk puttin me athleets foot spray on with This Mornin in the background an lown behowld...i'm lookin at Kate Thorntons dress thinkin is that Labia Lilac or Menopausal Mauve an I heard it again that dusky Oirish voice...me fanny nearly bit me leg off! here it is again
Bless the lovely Kate...she then announces to the werld she follows me on Twitter too...it all went mental then...korse I goes off to werk an i cant get near me till...even feminin Hi Jean was mobbed...the Cheese n Onion sentid candles were off the shelves too...an online purchase to a RL in Surrey werever that is I woz sent home early...so i'm now bein asked to do a centre spred in Have A Rest Magazine...an I've got Cliff Maxford ringin me phone off the hook to sell the story...as if...wat goes on in Casa Holmes-Lee stays there...well that was the highlite of me week...I alreddy av a lovely relayshonship with This Mornin coz me Coleen Nolan, Bret and Jonny av a bit of banter in the mornins that folk seem to like...i think Jonny has a bit of a hotspot for me...so duz Bret but heez just shy......heres some more news...not arf as ecksitin as that
Only other bit of ecksitement is nosey nayborhood watch man bangin on me back door the other nite...i was tryin to find me bra n only ad me tites on...so i didnt open it for him...well talk abowt persistent...he must hav ad 5 goes as me back door before I gave in...he near had a brown hemmoridge wen he saw me...but I did feel sorry for him...he had brort me wat he called a cabbidge from his Lotment...i took it n said thanks but wen I got it in i didn't know wether to cook it or pop it up me hoop...look at it...it's like one of me gays butt plugs...well i've waffled on enuff...Cliff Maxford is on me blower agen...I'll av to go...before I do can i wish a lovely man god speed on his journees in his caravan...heez gon up in the werld...i new him wen he was just one level caravan...now he's got a loft extenshon...Cownsiller Chris Blakeley an lady Blakeley hav a lovely time at Presthaven sands Talaker...tell Welsh Wayne in the bingo hall yer now me...he'll shake his balls up for yer...here's the newly renovated Caravan of Luuuuurve...laterz...
~Beverly Macca CBA~
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