feelin hot hot hot...

Well yer can always tell summers arrived at Casa Macca coz the tites come off from under me leggins...but last week it wasn't just the tites that came off...it woz the leggins too...save me a fortune in Fabreeze for me tites...went out for a late lunch wiv me gays an we ended up a poco Twunted...ad a ball tho...talkin of Casa Macca me aunty Doreen wiv diabetes brort me this back from Benidorm...

Isn't it classy...i'm the only one on our road that's got one...I think nosey nayborhood watch man will be green wen he sees it!...better than the present she brort me last year...it was a belt with BENIDORM round it...but the bit between the buckle was ENID...so every soft arse customer would say 'hello Enid' I'd be like... 'shit off me names Bev'....then I realised why thay was callin me Enid...talkin of customers and werk...ad a ball with Fat Sue wiv the smart car off...we moved me promoshons stand onto the pavement an I was pushin me Vaj Butter for the hot weather...all the fellas were lovin it...all drivin past teasin me shoutin POUND....one of me customers said it was HOUND but sheez deff an daft...here's me promoshon stand...

Well I had a likkle mishap wiv me favrit Crocks...they are Pound Paradises top sellers...made in Bay Jing so top kwalitee...well i fell asleep in the sun on the green next thing i wake up an me Crocks hav gone...well i thort theyd gone...no...the buggers had melted...gay Gary reckons it woz a rug rat from a family that were sat near us an kept tuttin...if anyone nows how to reshape Crocks then messige me...

 Satdee nite was Eurovision nite...which meant me gays went mad an pushed the boat out...big style...no Iceland shite...Asda finest...I got lost tho...used me Thai Sat Nav Tan Tan...ended up stuck in the sand had to get me RNLI boys to get me off!...it woz worth it in the end coz it was a crackin nite...even had a slebrity there...the woman who points at the Welks in Birkenhead market...she was up her own arse a bit...refused autographs...I was escorted off at the end of the evening on a man hunt...i got walked home by milkman Bobby Goldtops son whooz a bouncer at the rice bar...then it all went blank...ended up wakin on top of Reg Davies, loving husband, father and grandfather...me Timmy Shoos were stuck firm too an snail trails up me leggins...hay ho...just another satdee nite hey!...

Well I'll leave yer wiv news of me Slebrity stalker...the lovely an garjus Eamonn 'Hoi Arr Yoi' Holmes...he's bin tweetin me like a bugger...hope Ruth don't see it...all started the other day when I had a intimayte dream about him...woke up and there he was on me box smilin back wiv me best bra rapped round his chops...it was a sine I think...so I'll leave you with this pickture and my ode to the lovely Eamonn Holmes...Laterz...

  An Ode to Eamonn Holmes

Eamonn oh Eamonn I watch you from afar,
You on me box, and me at the bar.
Your cute wee smile, charm and wit,
With all the ladies you are a hit.

From early days on morning telly,
When you shared a sofa with Lozza Kelly.
Never change your style we love the Holmes way,
For many a viewer you make their day.

Sat on Sky with Charlotte Naz n Jacks,
All the girls cringing at the jokes he cracks.
Everyone can see the great team you make,
You even match the girls with their fake bake.

With your lovely wife and TV partner Ruth,
You are Mr and Mrs TV couth.
With Sunrise, This Morning and Loose Women,
In wads of dosh you must be swimmin.

Family life takes place in Surrey
Busy days always in a hurry.
But come the evening with hatches down,
Feet up with a beer football sorrows you drown.

Poor old Ruth not a football fan,
Puts up with it all to please her man.
She rewards herself for not having a moan,
With hundreds of candles from Jo Malone.

Alas my ditty is coming to an end,
To you Ruth and family my love I do send.
If you fancy a night with a Pound shop shelf stacker,
Give me a call, the name’s Beverly Macca.