Well well well...i'll start with the weekend this time an go backwards...i'm shakin as i type...look at the piktchur...looks ded trankwill...that waz were I had me NDE - Near Deth Expeeriense...i shall begin as the posh say...had a grate day satdee...bit hungover from me gays comin round friday nite to teach me to nit...i gave up...interfeered wiv me Lambrini...kept droppin stitches...little nana nap then it was time to partaaaay...it was a Star Wars theemed nite at the Rice bar...I cudn't be arsed doin much so I clipped a few powches of Golden Virginia to me blowse n said I was 'Chewbacco'...well we met up wiv a bunch of Cockernees who were selebraytin coz there woz a footy match there team had won...i was treated like a real prinsess...didnt pay for a drink all nite...thay were sayin how much like Katherine Jenkins i look...it's a curse...then it all went blank...next thing i'm flat on me back (no change) kids screamin like banshees an i'm dragged from the boatin lake...me nancy an laydee garden on show for all to see...one of the bleedin kids shouted to his mum 'We've found Shamoo'...i'd bin abandoned by the cockernees...seconds from death...i woz usin me Lambrini bottle as a float apparentlee...anyways...i'm here to tell the tale...thanks to the Inshore lifeboat crew too...
Well hoowd hav thort it...Beverly Macca goin for cownsiller in the local leckshons...i waz sick of the usual ones promisin allsorts an doin nothing...so i sat down an rote me manewfestow...took me a good twenty minits...I had the support n guidence of the lovely Laydee Esther Mcvey who is me inspirayshon...an sheez promised to let me go to the Tower of Parliment wiv her... plus Dame Flowella of the Benjamin has been made a sort of MP too...an all she ever did was sing P L A Why...anyway I agress as the posh say...here's me manewfestow (orijinal copy)
VOTE BEVERLY MACCA (CBA) MP - MACCA PARTY MANEWFESTOW
dont waste yer vote tmrw in the local elekshons...vote Beverly Macca MP
(Macca Party) my fulll manewfestow is on me logsite...here are a few of
my points -
*free leggins for larger laydees
*no tax on pasties
*secksy male parkin attendents at supermarkets for women
*Lambrini/Onken yogert/chikin nuggets on preskripshon
*reeduced workin hours for poundshop workers
*late starts on a mondee mornin
*24hr happy hour
*no tax on Bargain Booze products
VOTE BEVERLY MACCA (CBA) - MP - THE MACCA PARTY WERKIN FOR YOU! (IF I'M NOT OFF SICK)...
I then had to add a bit to cover me gays an get the pink vote as thay say, so here is the suppliment for me gay voters -
**URGENT MANEWFESTOW UPDATE FOR ME GAYS**
*FREE QUITCH BAKIN TINS
*MUSICAL BOX SETS ON PRESKRIPSHON
*FREE SUBSCRIPSHON TO HOME & GARDEN
ATTN LEZBICAN FRENDS...AS ABOVE...
USE QUITCHE TRAYS FOR YER CATS LITTER
BOX SET IS TENKO AND CELL BLOCK H
MAGAZINE IS CAT MONTHLY
Things was goin ded well as yer can see from the pastie chart...but i woz chattin to the other candidaytes at the poll booth an thay told me the hours...i just cudnt put the time in...it wud be unfair on me constitewents so just like me preferred contrasepshon method I withdrew quick...but i'd like to thank all those who supported an voted for me...
Back in full swing on promoshons this week...my Vaj Butter isn't sellin as well as thay thort...so I've really got to push it...so if you are readin this and suffer dry cracked lips...come on in an sample me Vaj Butter...it's buy one get one free week...Fat Sue wiv the smart car rang today to see if I'd go in on overtime...told her to Skank off...lazyish bank holiday today to selebrayte Lady Mays day..dunno who she is but i'm gessin sheez relayted to Saint Jorge or Saint David...i looze track of all the days off these peeple give us an who thay are...mite push for a Maccaday bank holiday...yer havin that??? Laterz... xx
**You deeside...can you spot the difference**
Off now for a Bank Holiday bath...
No comments:
Post a Comment