Well wat a week i've ad this week...i dont know me arse from me elbow at the moment...i've not had time to put me cankles up hardly...i've bin tryin to skweeze in shifts at Pound Paradise with raydio intervews, then magazine intervews an tryin to get twunted most nites on Lambrini...as yer can see i started the week up at 92.1FM 7waves studio talkin about all things Celebrity Big Brother coz me lovely Coleen is in there...heez one derty get that Adam...i'm sure he turns the heat up before I go in coz not 5 minits in there i'm takin me bra n me tites off...he loves it...got me own back tho wen i tried to seduce him while Agadoo was playin...
That'll lern him...he won't be doin that in a hurry...came home for 5 minits break an run meself a bath...i woz nackered...i had a bit of a Whamathon while I woz soakin...an for all you derty al arses out there it's not a Youfenizm...it was me Andy n George...i was taken back a few years...
That pease and kwiet was shattered when i got the fone call that i had to go an ree deem me prize from Pound Paradise for me sales targets for July...i'm not bein funny but what would you have given me...Bargain Booze vowchers...Chineez buffay vowchers...what did they give me....Bleedin horse ridin vowchers...I ask yer...so off I go...not a werd about wat to wear till i get there an its all too late...sum snottty mare with huge nostrills n a headscarf looks me up n down an asks 'And you are'.... I said 'Friggin taller than you in me Timmy Shoos so shit off'.... she nearly choked on her bleedin plum...anyways she sends me over to this lovely gerl...an off we go...first thing that happens is me friggin Timmy Shoos sank in the soil...I woz buggered...
Anywayz i didn't want to hurt the horse so i left them off an got on in bare feet...took me about 24 attempts to mount it...not a problem i usually hav i must say...but sweet baby yazu that bugger was big...it reminded me of wen me n Fat Frank from werk once tried intimassees in the service lift...never agen...
Anyways i made it up...just...then she says do you want me to lead...I'm like frig me...yer not expectin me to take this bleedin thing off on me own are yer...make it kwik too coz me lambrini is gettin warm in me bag...good enuff she did a cuple of circles an i woz feelin sick as a pig...then came the hardest part...nobody told me i had to get off the fecker...i bet Zara Fillips duz it better than this...
That waznt the werst of it...talkin of pigs...well I thort it woz a sheep...i woz away the day we went to visit a farm in primary skool...i'd just sat down to hav a swig of me luke warm lambrini an next thing i know there's a Fat Sue wiv the smart car lookey likey lookin back at me...i near shit...luckily i ad a carrot in me bag...dont ask...so i tried to feed it that...little sod tried to eat me cankle chain...
so that was me day at the bleedin farm...never agen...i'm not cut out for that malarkee...now onto another story...see wat i mean...me weeks bin full on...yer all know about me interveiw for Lifestyle Monthly magazine...a glossy that is produced by Amanda (Mander) Moss and her team...i woz asked to talk about me life in an interview which i did...an from next month October I've got me own colum...well here is the finished product...didn't make page 3...but early days hey...i made page 45! That Craig Phillips has a colum in there as well...the little sexy one from the first Big Brother...i'm gonn av a werd wiv Mander an see if we can do a speshall feature were he shows me some tricks wiv his wood...here it is...
its amayzin wat a bit of hairbrushin can do to yer komplexshon...it nocks hours off me...i hope yer'll join me next month an check out me new colum...here's the link to the magazine online -
Well on a serius note...i've had me share of truble this week too...as yer now theres been a story on Twitter about my duble Katherine Jenkins n David Beckham...well as soon as it hit me confidenshal foneline was on fire...i've ad every paper onto me thinkin its me...i had to get sent home from me till coz of it...here's a pic one of the Pepperazi friggers got of me tryin to get home to watch me life of grime box set after a little trip up the Aldi...
it's not on is it...i'm just a pound shop shelf stacker called Beverly Macca...i hope it's died down now...well how was that for a week...an d'yerz know how I ended it...the best way I could think of...I was taken up the Wong Wei.... I'll leave yerz with that...laterz...xxxx
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