I'm new to all this tekno stuff. but sum peeple av asked to read me diary so here it is...I'm an eezy goin gerl...simple tastes...like nites in with Lambrini...nites out with Lambrini...work at Pound Paradise...drive me Cunto (Corsa/Punto cut n shut)...love me gays..
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Well me feet avent tutched the grownd....nor have me Timmy Shoos as you can see....it all started in the Ferst Class lownge at Liverpool Lime Street...I had a ticket for the Virgin Pedallo to London....cheap as chips coz I used me OAP railcard....well I say mine.....it was iron lung Lil's from next door before she deeseased n died...I had a mail re direct put on her post....well when I got to the station I could see peeple lookin at me....so I just blurted it out..... 'Pie Jeezus....Pie Ay Jeezus' before I knew it I was wisked thru to the lounge 'Come this way Miss Katherine Jenkins' said the Fat Controller on the platform....and I was in.............
Before I new it I was onboard the Pedallo an sat in a Ferst Class seat....'We've bin expectin you Miss Jenkins' said the conductor.... 'It's Ms Jenkins' I said kertlee.....keepin up the Antee....well I ad a pink fish n laffin cow baygel an they left the drinks trolley next to me seat in return for a quick verse from 'Lez Mizerables' I just blagged that one....only Lez Mizerables I know are the punters at Pound Paradise....well I arrived OK and to top it all the hotel had only left me a free kettle, cups n tea n coffee....that was in me bag kwiker than wink incase thay realised there mistayke.....
I took a late nite walk down to the South Bank were ITV stewdios are....I had me walkman on....Elton John was seranaydin me wiv 'Candle In The Wind' when there it was.....just ahead....it was a sign.....my very own 'Thongle In The Wind'.....I'm not sure but I think it was a sign from Eamonn Holmes....a leppard print thong just blowing in the wind attatched to the ITV stewdio sign..........I was sent........I clutched my perl necklace...looked to the sky and the sweet baby yazu and mouthed the werds 'thank you'.....I was blessed.....
The rest is a blur....I woke up Titeless n Timmy Shooless overlookin the river Tems...I could smell the salty air blowin up me hoop....I was havin flashbacks....had I been ro hip nolled?....I'd left a couple in me pocket so maybe....just then I came to and could hear the sound of the This Morning theem choon.....I looked up and could see Eamonn n Ruth about to brordcast to the nayshon.....I gathered up me bits and headed back to the hotel.....I had a meeting at Sky TV.....All was good...to be continued....
Jump ahead a week now....lots goin on and I've not had time to put me cankles up all week...the highlight of me week was Thursday night and the start of Celebrity Big Brother....Id heard a rumour Carol Mcgiffin was goin in.....she who said no money would be enuff to do it....and there she was lookin back at me....on me box.....it only seemed like 5 minits since we'd been out wiv me gays....
I'd waited all week for this....I nocked meself some tea up....had me two fave things....bit of Rustie Lee on me walkman and a summer edishon of Lambrini....or ten....
What a show it's gonna be.....I'm havin trouble sussin out that Lauren Harries....at ferst I thought Ivy Tilsley was alive n well and living in the CBB house....can you spot the diffrence?
Well that's me about done....got lowds to do....I'm still a bit in shock tho....thort I'd get comfy on me sofa this mornin and watch a nice family movie....I got comfy an was strokin me Charlie when on it came........never.....i repeat never will I be able to look Dame Lady Julie of the Andrews in the eyes again.....just about to watch Bedknobs n Broomsticks when up pops....
'Bigdicks n Groomedchicks'
I can't even stumock the choon now Supercalafragilisticexpialidoshus....not after hearing Mary Bed Hoppins singin - 'Itchyfannyyoghurtonitbacterialvaginosis'......it's ruined it for me.....right....enuff.....catch yerz later....have a great day and bank holiday Mondee....hope the sun shines for yerz all....
Lotsa Love
Bev
XXXX
**BREAKING NEWS**
MCGIFF IS MCOFF
CAROL MCGIFFIN TO LEAVE LOOSE WOMEN (BAGGY BIRDS DEPENDING WHO IS ON THE PANEL)
Well this was the sight that brought a lump to my throat...seeing the team arrive in Preston on their long journey from Johnny Groats to Lands End...Eveyone was so proud...and best of all well over £40.000 was raised...I'll post a final figure soon...Well no sign of a Bentlee or a Rolls Royce for me.....I arrived in Bev style in the back of a Ford Transit...
I was like Mrs Overall all day wiv a crick in me neck bent over after me ride....but I was just grateful to get there in one piece...first stop was at Paula Holmes crib for a nice cuppa and a catch up....then the cavalree arrived...Here's the lovely Paula, Charley and Scarlett Holmes all ready to leave to support the riders...
We hadn't been on the road long and I sniffed out a uniform...I was over like a shot...great bunch of guys...good job they didn't hit the sirens....
Next stop was the cricket club to welcome the riders...quick stop off for some refreshments and cuddles with family and friends...here's me with the lovely Dave Holmes, Katy's dad and Charley Holmes, Katy's sister...doesn't he look well....so proud of Dave...
Then Dave had the difficult task of introducing Jeff Banks to the Bevlar....I think he was a little confused as most people are...I could hear him think 'I'm sure that's Katherine Jenkins'....easy mistake hey....
I parked up me scooter to get some hard earned refreshments and asked me little helper Charley to keep an eye on me wheels....Oh butter wouldn't melt 'of course aunty Bev...'few minits later there she is givin rides around the car park.....
I tried to chase her on horseback...struggled a bit to get on top....*steady on* but soon did it...
There was no way I could catch up with her...until.....me battery drained....I was devvo'd....how could I complete my challinge....you know team Katy.....as Peter Kay would say 'Always thinking'.....enter Katy's Huskie Huddle....and that was the perfect end to a perfect day....remember you can help support Katy Holmes Trust....just click on the link below to the website....every little helps....together we WILL make a difference to brain tumour research...
Let's not forget the reason we were there that day, to help keep Katy's memory alive...we all gathered at Katy's park close to her home...this is on Katy's bench...all the children clubbed together to have the bench put in Katy's memory...
Thank you again to all who supported both me and the team...always appreciated...take a minute to check out the Katy Holmes Trust website...
Well today's the day folks....it's taken hard work, dedication and determination but Dave Holmes & his team have set off on their Jonny Groats to Lands End bike ride....all in memory of and to raise money for Katy Holmes Trust - Katy being Dave's beautiful sleeping angel....It's going to be hard work, but so rewarding for all involved...So sending them all the best and lots of love....
As the saying goes - No show without Punch! Well I had to mention my challenge too! I shall be joining Dave and the team in Preston next Saturday 10th August with other members of Team Katy to support and raise more money. Why not come along and add your support? If you can't be there then please take a moment to donate to the challenge. Here's my JustGiving page for you to do just that. Thanks to all those who have very kindly donated so far! Let's keep Katy's memory alive through her research...You can help!
Big thanks to the wonderful Bell Mobility Ltd for making my challenge possible with my Bevmobile!
