update on Paradise...

iya...well been in paradise for just over a week now an its not bad...Tannoy Twat still gettin on me nerves but i tend to put me hedfones in an ignore it...Fat Frank got the job an is startin today so familiar face n familiar cock...early darts from werk for blowys just as it was in poundland...Fat Sue wiv the smart car has got an interview so god help us...got moved off feminin hi jean yesterday coz sum punter sed i smelt of ale...did me a favor tho coz got put on stock take so ate me body wate in haribo an watched telly wiv free wi fy... today i'm bein trained to do redukshons so happy days...i'll be markin down all me crizzy presents... oh before i go... pissed me pants yesterday there was sum big nob from hed office bord of direktors come in to meet us all coz we are the flagship store watever that means...aint no flag in our shop or a ship... e woz ded posh...says to me all lardy dar lookin at me name badge on me tit... 'erm so Beverly Macca wat kwalities n kwalifikayshons do you bring to Pound Paradise' i said 'Me CUNT n me TWAT...' he nearly had a brown hemmorige on the spot...then he realised wat they were av a look below... laterz...

 

Papped not hacked...

i'm startin to feel how them selebritees feel now... i havent been hacked...but worse still i bin papped... got home from werk last nite and checkd me bankin an me giro was in... so i thort i'll go an do a bit of shoppin... there i am lookin at the offers bord an i can hear clickin...turns round an theres sum ald perv takin piktures of me... i went to the manager after me shop an the sekurity man confiscated his memory card... av a look at these... an before you ask i aint a size girl... i was comparin the girth of the cucumbers for me bewty rayjeem... catch yerz later...

At homo with Promo...

As Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warns once sang.... up where I belong.... and I am back there... promoshons... i'm not cut out for tills n stock takin... how posh are Pound Paradise... I even get me own likkle stall.... eyel 6 if yer passin.... I can text away to me harts consent an Tweet an Facebook... even Tannoy Twunt can't see me from here.... im in me ellyment... talkin of Tannoy Twunt all the punters woz pissin themselves before.... listen to her latest... I'll catch yerz later....gotta push me Far La an me Klunge!...

http://audioboo.fm/boos/559395-promotion-tannoy

love lost...

why oh why...i bild up me hopes every time... i cud see meself as the area managers wife... Mrs Beverly Miel... all that came falling down around me today... the gorgus secksy Ron Miel is offishally a slave to the cock...gutted... he went to the office to make a personal call an he mustve sat on the tannoy so the hole shop got to hear...ive just opened a 5 liter box an playin me fave seline deeyon song.... all by meself.... laters... here it is - 

http://audioboo.fm/boos/556914-ron-miel-2

Scan or scam...

Kwik update... I'm a bit of a mare at times but i'm no liar... but i did tell you all a wee porkie pie about me compensayshon after gettin hit by Fat Sue in her smart car a while back. I did get kwite a bit of dosh an i cudve spent it on labrini erotic holidays to benidorm an fast cars... but i had one kwest in life... to find out who me real mum was... although she will never aknolidge me Vanessa Feltz is the top suspect... i spent me money on a private investigater who has today produced this... take a good look at the picture and then look at the name top left... gotta get back to work... friggin tannoy goin again... laters...

• http://audioboo.fm/boos/551154-pound-paradise-tannoy

Aloha Paradise...

Well well well...its all kicked off...no longer a poundland employee i'm now lost in paradise...pound paradise an so far so good apart from the friggin tannoy...the were kewin out the door wen I got there the other day...a local selebritee opened the shop... Jamie Jones who was in the kew for this years X Factor cut the ribbon... i was ordered to give everyone a punch an a lay as they arrived...had me nickers at me ankles kwicker than wink till I woz told it was a flowery necklayce... i managed to lay about 500 peeple... a record for me...

i fell in love agen... an now i'm confused...so mite he be... Ron Miel the hunky spanish area manager or as he says it manayar...i just love the acksent...he did an annownsment to thank us all at the end of the day i had to tape it to play to meself wen im avin intimasies wiv meself...ave a listen - 

http://audioboo.fm/boos/551794-ron-miel-1

isnt he garjus...but met up wiv him last nite an he ended up givin me a lift home in his daywoo...woke up this mornin wiv me Leggins intactus an he was back at his digs all tucked up... left me a note on the dash sayin to stay as long as i want an he'll see me in work on Monday!...cud be playin hard to get or a slave to the cock!... I had to cut the wires to the tannoy coz that Barbara Naylor Radford ex Marks n Spencer is on customer servis desk an keeps houndin me wiv her announcements listen - 

http://audioboo.fm/boos/551154-pound-paradise-tannoy?playlist_direction=reversed 

she is soooo in for a kick in the clout if sheez not careful... right.. off to have me home made communyon... thick sliced white an a bottle of lambrini... it is the weekend still... I'll leave you with the pic of me in the staff room fillin up the Punch... I was a little Twunted at that point...laters...

Dame Edna to Dame Beverly...

anuther wirl wind of a week... all the ecksitement of me new job witch i start tomrw at Pound Paradise been tryin to slim into me uniform with zoomba n diet... bin told there is a selebritee comin to open the store but we dont know who it is yet... hopin for Rusty Lee... talkin of selebritees found these slippers in me overnite bag i woz out at a well nown frends place to see her huzband... keep it to yerself i carnt say who she is but rimes with Pisha Tenrose!...I'll post them back...

well on anuther note... i woz menshoned by the lovely dame edna today on This Morning... I shud get a regular spot there I'm on often enuff... wat I wudn't give to sit next to Phillip everyday... I'm sure he wudn't resist the smell of my Far La!... I'll keep yerz posted about tmrow with pics... laterz...

Ga Ga copy La!...

well sweet baby yazu... who wud have thort it... proof at last that Beverly Macca is a leader in fashion... me fone hasn't stopped ringin for a couple of weeks from Ga Ga's peeple wantin to borrow me halloween cozzy... i wudn't giv in... then lone behowld wat duz she wear last nite... but a copy of my kreayshon... 'Headless not Legless'... me facebook twitter an fone went mad from all me frends recognizin the kreayshon... I'm on the fone to Cliff Maxford as I type... i reckon we'll have all the major labels on the fone any minute now...

talkin of fashon too... here' s me new uniform for Pound Paradise... think the labels are a bit to cock... its neat but i'll slim into it... like Fat Sue with the smart car... start later in the week. Gonna miss Poundland but onwards an upwards as they say... laterz... Cliff Maxford on me fone...

Poundwasteland to Pound Paradise...

sweet baby yazu... whood have thort it... wat a week i've had... all started ok then i woz contaktid by a mr Ron Miel as you now who is area manager for Pound Paradise the new store opening in town... well I went for an interview today... omg... Ron Miel is gorjus...heez forrin too... think spanish... me fanny was bitin me leg off... he looks yer in the eye too... well i got the job... i did put it to me facebook mates who all said go for it... it's better money and better staff dizzys too.... i feel like this is the start of sumthink new...

here is me name badge... it looks ded egzotic... i really feel i've dun the rite thing... what do you guys think? new shop will open soon... they want me to do some promoshon work too... 

here's me new uniform... love it... it's gonna be a buggar to keep kleen tho... just hope me supervizor is open to the odd blow job or flick to get off early... that is one of the most important terms for me... laterz... havin a kwiet nite in tonite with a 5 liter box to selibrate... xx

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