Merry Christmas everywon...

as the song by saint shakin of the stevens goes...'merry cristmas everywon'...snow ain't fallin tho...hope yerv all had a grate crimbo...soz i havent been doin me diaree for a wile but bin ded bizzy in paradise...Pound Paradise that is...the run up to crimbo was mental like...Haribo Harold the perv was brort in to be santa but he got one wiff of the Gummy Bears and had a lazy lob on before you could say Tangtastic...they only asked me to stand in wen thay sacked him...i got moved off after a few hours coz the parents said i stank of ale...i had a box of Lick Yours an was Twunted...

 well befor i new it it was cristmas eve...so i did me cristmas Trayble reddy for me Pot Noeldle...saved me lowds of time...no dishes either i saved the pot as a wine glass...i cud write top tips for have a rest magazine cudn't i... i'd definitly get one agen for next cristmas day...

 i didn't get many presents but the guyz from me shop clubbed together an got me a cassette of me favrit singer an selebritee...i luv her so much...av a look down below...i did get very Twunted yesterday an woke up wiv an emptee box of roses in me bed...don't remember eatin them...looked like i'd shit the bed...just catchin up on all the cristmas tv i sky plussed its easier to watch wiv 2 eyes wen yer sober...i'm havin a snowball made wiv Aldi own brand avocardo...reminds me of cristmasses wen i woz yung an me dad wud leave me wiv the bottle wile he went out in his muther cristmas outfit down the pub... rite...i'm off have a grate crimbo...i'll leave yerz wiv a pic of me present an i'll sign off wiv me cristmas powem for yerz all...laterz...

Bevs Cristmas powem

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house,
was the lovely smell of a pan of blind scouse.
Me glass of Lambrini on the fireplace over there,
no work for a week not even a care.

I hope not to get Twunted before Santa comes,
so I can cherish him ticklin me chin wiv his plums.
Then before he leaves an I'm still on me back,
a festive fayshall as he empties his sack!

Before you know it it's Christmas day, time for more parties, fun and play.
Opening presents and chocolate galore,
in a matter of hours I'll be flat on the floor.
Twunted, Munted call it what you like,
Merry Christmas to you all from this village bike!