Eyerish thighs were smiling...

Hiya...hope yerz all ok...its muthers day an i'm spendin it lookin at old youtubes of me dear mum Vanessa Feltz who still carnt bring herself to aknowlidge me...one day i hope she will before its too late an i'm internashonal saleswoman travellin the werld with me Far La...Talkin of that...bizzy ish week in werk wen i woz in...Fat Sue wiv the smart car really doin me hed in now...she's given me the runaround all week...sheez determined that i leave me phone in a locker...she can Shit Off...its me human rite...the gobs on the punters wen i'm textin wile scannin...I say i paid to scan not to talk to you...ded chuffed me promoshon stand has bin moved out of Jabba's eyline...

Well nobody can say i'm not kulturally aware...it was Saint Paddys day yesterday an I recognised it wiv a green potatow...i think me FB mates an Twitter were kwite impressed...well I don't now were to start...there is a new factree bein bilt not far an we've got a load of Irish guys stayin nearby...OMG...its true wat thay say about them...bleedin garjus...thayve bin comin in the shop all week for krisps...its the closest we hav to potatows...well me n me gays started early on a pub crawl...i'v never bin so Twunted for ages...so much so we took the mobility skooter out coz by the time it got to Rice bar time i cudn't stand...the basket came in handy for me minitchurs...had a nice all yer can eat buffay but dont remember eatin it...found some me handbag today so i'm gessin i ate summit...well me gays were wizzin me round the floor in the skooter...hardest thing was tryin to do Ooops upside yer hed in it....then my eyes met wiv his eye...FAF...Fit as Fuck Feargal...he lost an eye by gettin sum hot tarmac in it...but the one left waz garjus...i cudnt stop lookin at it...this is were it all went a bit of a blur...reed on...

Now the picktchur speaks for itself its got the police press release attatched to it...now this is stricktly between me n you rite...we had left the Rice bar an i woz starvin...just as i was pullin up i saw Fat Sue wiv the smart car leavin Mustaffas wiv a keebab...i woz ragin...Feargal went to get me a Mixed Meat Feast meal for 2 and a kebab for himself...i kept havin flash backs to the Limo disaster for the Pound Paradise awards...plus her avin a go at werk an i saw red...we were cruisin along an i saw her in the distance...we were goin downhill...i told Feargal to meet me at mine an off i went...full speed an a hill....i cut the engine as i approwched her then BANG...i hit the fat fucker...she went down like a weeble...she wobbled an then fell down...an off i went...so there yer have it...me gays rang to say they had seen her back in Mustaffas less than half an hour later with a Mustaffa Mighty Meat stuffed in her gob...lets see wat she says in werk...

Talkin of werk...just had an email from hed offise to announce a new product I'm gonna be promotin...it has to be annownced to the shopfloor before I can say anythin but I trust you lot...to add to all me other products I am now going to be the face of -

Not bin breefed yet on wat its for...i'm gessin maybe a loobrikant or summit like that...laterz...