omg...i never fayl to suprize meself sometimes. can i start by sayin a big thank you to the boyz on the inshore lifeboat who came to me rescue this mornin. im sorry about the fuss i made about me timmy shoos too but thay were me best pair. you woz all fookin garjus too.
so how did it all happen. well i desided to go out wiv the gays last nite to the rice bar. i didnt av any onken in me fridge to i thort id give me nancy a rest. we ad a crakin nite, them gays now how to partayyyy. ad a bit of a disaster wiv me jeggins tho. we woz doin oops upside yer head on the floor an i got them cort on a nail. ended up takin me tites off from under me jeggins. well i got a teensy bit twunted an lone behold there waz a man there who waznt a gay. he approwched me an said he liked the smell of me Far Lar. told him i was the face of Far Lar think e woz impressed. well one thing led to another an before you now it i left the gays to it. the lites had come on and thay were all chekin owt whos takin who home. me feet were stickin to the floor at that point too.
barry the bouncer was hiz name. he woz ded romantik too. had flavored loob wiv him gave me a choice of flavors. well we end up in the iceland car park and hav a bit of shall we say adult fun. i woz hopin he mite walk me home via Mustaffas kebab house... yeh rite there all the same. no sooner had he dumped his muck he woz off. i didnt now wat to do so i set off for home. dont now how but i ended up on the beach. i woke up in the early hours thinkin id pissed me pants. it was the tide comin in. i was stranded an me undergarment had bin removed. worst of all me timmy shoos were stuck solid in the mud. lukily i had me mobile wiv me an rang 999 they sent the inshore rescue to get me. i am so trormatized. goin for a hot bath an takin a bottle of lambrini wiv me. laterz.
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