Smear to eternity...

in the words of frankie n his four seasons 'oh wat a night...day aktually'... i was up at the crack n up me crack at 6am... i waz determined to av me nancy smellin fresh for Dr Parfinder eez quite fit an new... i dooshed up there the lot... finished off me crem fresh too... i mean fem fresh... gets to the surgery at 8.30 sharp... then I get called in... it waz like Si eed from Eastenders lookin back at me... said i looked very well and as well as me smeer waz due an internal inspekshon...I cud feel me fanny clamp shut... just kept sayin i carnt beleeve how well you look... so off i go to drop me leggins wile he warms his hands on the hand dryer... over he comes... he waz very gentle as he did a Cilla and stepped inside love... then he stops an aks if i waz aware there waz an IUD still inserted an did i now it cudve bin removed after me men o porze... i said shit off i'm still blobbin if yer dont mind... pulled up me tites n me leggins an went to leave.... then he says Mrs Hacker I need to talk to you... I said me names Macca - turns out old iron lung lill next door Mrs Emily Hacker was due for it... i had opened her letter by mistake an wiv me glue ear hadn't heard them shoutin for Emily Hacker... she's fuckin 80 odd... no wonder he thort i looked well an shocked to find me coil..... I've just opened a 5 liter box to get over the shock...laterz...