well gess whooz fanny woz bitin me leg off last nite... me one true love on me fave programme.. nearly shot me load thrice fold... me sofa throws were damp as fuck. i'll share a little secrit wiv yers but keep it to yerself. me n gary have a bit of a histree. there is a rumour in the showbiz werld that he wrote a song based on our meetin but re worded it to protekt me anonimity. it was a good few years ago.. i woz bunkin off school an was in the iceland car park wiv sum dimond wite n torteeyas he got out of this posh car coz he was openin the shop. i cud smell hiz man sent mixed wiv kuros. once he'd opened the shop he came over to me an we got chattin. next thing I know me nickers are off an I'm flashin me gash in the back of a Vauxhaull Vectra deluxe with leather seats. just as well. i didnt wanna seem easy so i held off. he waz gaggin for it. then he spoke those words that would become re written to a multi million £ song... he looked at me down belows an wiv his unsercumsised cock in his hand he said Bev.... I want your crack my hood.... i cudnt do it... i didnt ave any protection could you imagine if id got pregnant to Gary Barlow... I'd not have the life i have now... rite I've gotta dash. its Sunday mornin so that can only mean one thing... Still banned from cherch on a Sunday... it's Bevs home made communyon... thick sliced white loaf n bottle of lambrini. Amen...
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