omg... bevs bin in hozzy

iya. hope yerz all ok. what a cuple of days ive had. ive been in hozzy. got nocked down by fat sue in her smart car. silly fat cow ad er hed berried in a new pirri pirri chickin pasty. i popped one of me luv eggs, bent over to pick it up an bang ive got a hairdryer on wheels lodged on top of me.. im hopin for sum compensayshon. got home tonite an twiggys dun me me tee. pirri pirri pasty n chips. i nearly vomited. ill never able to look that or a smart car in the eye agen. giv er er dew she put er pasty down while she licked the flakey bits off the steerin wheel. good job i ad me puffa jakit on.

disiplinery went ok the uther day. i woz like eddy the eegle skee jumper in that office wiv a nob in each hand. i brort it to a satisfactory koncluyshon if yer get me drift. rite im off for a crem de menth an coke to settle me nervs. them nurses earn there money in them hospitals. i ad em run raggid. well i payz me taxes. catch yerz later.